Thursday, September 17, 2009

When the phone rings

For those of you who know me well, know that when the phone rings I cringe. I have this odd fear of the phone. I actually dread having to answer the phone. Its not the person that calls its the use of the phone. I think it comes from years of office work. Being on the front line of what could potentially be a career ending conversation, time and again.

Yesterday, that stupid phone would not stop ringing. It was one thing after another. First the doctor that we were set up to see for E. had to reschedule the appointment that I so painstakingly arranged. So now I've got to use the phone again to make yet another uncomfortable call to the babysitter that is likely getting pretty fed up with all the "changes" to this date. I don't blame her. I am being made to sound flaky because other people cannot arrange their calendars better.

Then a few more annoying calls. Some of which I was sure were telemarketers...yep still! Then the last call which turned the week on its ear. My specialist appointment. Originally, the appointment that I've been waiting 3-4 months for set for late October has been inching up the calendar day-by-day with each cancelation to the doctors roster. Well that call came yesterday just after nap time while I was still groggy with sleep. The call I had actually been waiting for. Just as huband requests time off in October so that I can go speak to this doctor sans kidlets. Now the doctor will see me TOMORROW! Which of course is actually today. Drop everything, hubby stay home. I'm up to bat with little-to-no notice.

So now I'm actually a nervous wreck. I am desperate for answers. I've been sick for so long and so far nothing that I've chased down has worked. No one has any answers for me. Is it perimenopaus or thyroid issues? Too many symptoms to be so easily ignored. My life and family suffer because I deal with my days much the same way a person with a chronic ailment deals with theirs.

I wake up each day with an energy/morale load of 10. There are only 4 or 5 things in the day that I can accomplish. 4 only if one of them is something physically challenging. Once I have reached that 5 in exertion that's it. Its not right and its not normal. I get sadder with every day that passes when that exertion level is reached. Naps are mandatory. I don't like the time lost to them. There is no luxury in a nap for me. My frustration at things left undone. Time not spent with my family. The things that aren't organized or accomplished overwhelm me.

So there is a lot of hope pinned on this doctor. Wish me luck.

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