Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Gah, I was clothes-lined by the cooties. Hubby has been sick for about two weeks with a terrible cough. Each night the poor soul had to sleep upright on the couch to avoid coughing to the wee hours or to avoid keeping the whole family awake with the persistent coughing. It was likely inevitable that I would get sick too.

I feel miserable. Am I a big baby...hell yah! I'm a big mucas ball and I can't breathe through my nose which means that I'd like to die. I can't taste anything so that leaves me jonsing for goodies all day that I forget that I can't taste leaving me even more unsatisfied. So it seems I'm down to green tea and lemon halls. The occasional pop of a Vitamin C (which cruelly for some reason still tastes like ass! Yes that's right I said it!).

Once I'm done doing a light tidy, the house looks like a bomb went off. I'm going to put together the boys snack and lunch and wrap it up and put it on the table so they can feed themselves. I'm going to make a hot cup of tea and sit and knit until I'm done this new ball of yarn. I'm hopped up on enough drugs, I shouldn't feel the cramping in my hands as I work.

Oh the scarf by the way looks amazing. As usual my projects get bigger and grander than originally planned. Now my scarf actually looks like a wrap. I can't wait to add the gems and tassels. Again, the idea of "go big or go home".

Gahhh, my kingdom for clear nasal passages!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Back on Track

I've very happy to report that I've been back on track all week. I think I've gotten a jolt of the old ambition though still on half a tank of energy. Its nice to be motivated again. Even the one trip to the gym that I managed to squeeze in this week was great. I can really feel my muscles complaining which means it was good! I forgot how much I like that feeling. Sort of like constantly sticking my tongue to a canker sore. I know I'm weird.

We've been grounded since yesterday. L. is sick and running a fever. Generally cantankerous and wanting to be babied. I don't mind the cuddling and toting around since normally he just wants to run. I'll take it when I can get it. Its the 4 am wake up call to deal with a raging fever that I don't like. Not the having to get up but feeling bad for my little man. Sleep I can always make up.

We were going to do the library story time today but that's just out of the question. I'm also dragging so I'm not sure what I can do to entertain them today. I did all the cookies and muffin baking yesterday so that's out. Maybe it will just be a movie-snuggle, read-a-dozen-books kind of day.

The food plan:

Breakfast: Kashi bar (off to a late start) coffee and vitamins
Lunch: Homemade Golden Tomato w/wild rice soup, an apple w/almond butter schmear
Late afternoon snack: Orange slices & green tea
Dinner: Swiss Pigeon (1/4 white with baked potato w/salsa) side of steamed broccoli or broccoli rabe
Movie snack: Popcorn & diet coke or light hot chocolate and a oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (depends on if the craving monkey shows up :S)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

When two loves meet

I have a profound love of running. I have a profound love of shopping. One I let fly, the other I keep tightly harnessed. The two came together tonight in a most spectacular way. I met up with a girlfriend at the RR and laid down a nice sum on winter gear and new shoes. I have to say it was the best purchase I've made in a long time.

Now I think I'm good for -25C. Bring it!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Walking away

Sometimes there's power to be had by saying no or just walking away. I've never been a person who enjoys confrontation. I'd rather get a horrible haircut then confront a person about the way I feel about how they've acted toward me. I've always considered it a sign of weakness that I'd rather avoid a fight and I despise my weaknesses.

I bumped into someone on Saturday night, who by all means has been just horrible to me . Now her motivations for being that way are a mystery to me though I'm sure I could come up with a few plausible guesses. I'm not going to waste my time supposing it. She knows that she has hurt me and treated me horribly and has been told that I expect an apology (but really since its been 10 months since her last infraction I no longer expect anything from her). Tonight I bumped into her again.

Now I have wondered what I would say to her given the opportunity. In my mind, I've harangued her. In some, I've actually lunged but I only had those when the wounds were still very raw. I've made jokes about how the only good reunion with her would be lead with my front bumper. Now that it actually came to pass I feel very differently about it. I'm no longer upset. I no longer care about her at all. She has become largely irrelevant.

When our paths crossed each time I just turned my back on her and walked away. Normally, I would have kicked myself for doing that. That for some reason it would be better to make peace even though it would only come at my expense because nothing would actually be resolved. This person does not accept any responsibility for her actions. She has made it quite clear that she plans to play the "dumb" card. Twist the memories of the events so that the waters are muddied (yet again, I should add).

Instead, I walked away and continued on with my plans. My heart rate did not climb into my ears. I did not hold my breath. I did not feel sick. I did not look the other way. I did not turn my head or try to hide. I just walked passed. She called after me then called me a name when I didn't turn around to face her. Why? Why would I?

I don't know if I've faced up to a bully but I have faced up to myself. No recriminations for not confronting. I'm delighted that I tuned her out. Instead of being mad that I didn't have "courage" to berate her for being a horrible person, I chose to skip it because I saw no value in the fight. No. I won a battle tonight. No weakness either.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Time got away from me again this week. It started out by being a regular very busy week filled with lots of activities for the boys, a few appointments, a play date or two. Add in a sick husband then me not feeling 100% shortly after. More activities this week has worn me out. The weekend hasn't been any snooze fest either.

Despite being a bit sleep deprived from a few drinks and a late date night, I headed out for a 10k run this morning. I had planned on a long run at some point today (while it was light out) but had no idea the morning would be as beautiful as it was. Once I had finished my coffee and a quick breakfast, on went the shoes.

I was gone for about an hour and 15 mins. Covering distance from my place in North Whitby all the way down to Burns Street (401) and back. I got utterly caught up in my podcast about how doctors mistreat people with mental health issues and then the debate on the benefits of Nurse Practitioners taking the load off of the medical system by running experimental clinics. Before I knew it I was home. A fabulous run!

I've also been spending every spare moment knitting away at my scarf. Its the first time I've ever made one for myself. I picked up the wool in September and didn't realize the size of the project then. During our date last night we went from one store to the next looking for more skeins. I managed to get the last four in the last store we looked in. I still likely need another two. Why are my projects always so big and expensive?

Well back to my knitting now that the boys are in bed. Husband needs to load a new anti-virus program on my laptop to keep it safe and sound. I need to chill out in the peace and quiet. Another busy week awaits...

Thursday, November 5, 2009


The verdict came in last night. We spent 3 hours talking to the doctor. Oddly, he didn't tell us anything we didn't absolutely already know. We could have written the script ourselves if we'd only learn to be more confident in what we know is true.

So at the end of the night we find that E. is Gifted. We need to try and find friends for him that are like him. We need to get him involved in social things like Beavers or Bowling teams. That academics pretty much take care of themselves so long as they are being nurtured and challenged. That sometimes quirks are just funny personality traits.


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Sum

of all things stressful and unhealthy is the beginnings of a cold. After a fabulous run last night on what could have been the prettiest evening I've experienced since early September. I came home to warm up with a hot shower and a big cup of tea.

I dressed very well last night. A layer of next-to-skin and then crop pants and a running shirt. I took off my windbreaker after I warmed up. I felt good despite running on stress. Realized that I had been holding my tension in my shoulders for the whole run and had sore muscles in my neck and shoulders for the rest of the night. I could still feel an ache while I sat in bed and read until I was drowsie.

Before the run we all met up in the studio and were chatting about the havoc the leftover halloween treats were reaping. I have been on the biggest chocolate bender of my life. For the last two weeks I have been unable to stop myself. I also vowed to myself yesterday that I had to stop the spiral. Better to do it now before I packed on more weight.

After a very interrupted sleep (thanks L.) I woke up with resolution that today will be different. Indeed, it is. Today I have the beginning of what feels like a cold. Nose is a bit stuffy and I can feel the congestion in my air ways (likely due to post nasal drip and not airway involvement). Still instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided I was just going to go ahead with what I planned but do one better. My comfort food today is a big bowl of home made chicken noodle soup with kale. I'm poaching the chicken breasts now. The house smells wonderful.

Due to feeling off my game our lesson plan got truncated today. We mostly just concentrated on math. We'll sit later and do some reading together to make up for the shortened lessons. I just didn't want to allow my short attention span to effect him. He is doing so well now that he is being intellectually engaged.

Tonight we go and find out what the results of E.s testing are. The direction in which we should take with schooling and raising him. We are hoping to get a much clearer insight into who this little guy is.

He is looking forward to having the babysitter here. He turns into this huge smooth cat whenever she comes over. Last week when she was here he turned to her before we left and said. "You have really beautiful hair." Then just let it alone and turned his attention back to his game. Husband was in awe at his prowess. Talk about smooth.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Looking to run

and to my husband's relief, not in a straight line as he would have assumed. There's been a lot of stress and stupid things going on in our lives this last month and this month appears to be no different. I feel like the only way to get some distance or perspective is to tie on the shoes and just go. I want to be freed of the weight that ties me down when I'm all stressed.

I haven't eaten well. I'm not hydrated well so I'll be downing a little bit more water before I go for a nap and when I get up. I'll make a healthy balanced dinner after wrestling E. into his Gi. I'm watching the black clouds start to roll in and I'm not daunted. I'm running even if I need wiper blades to see.

Monday, November 2, 2009

So Tired

Up at 6 am and rushing around to make sure the house is clean enough to pass inspection. Putting together a coffee for the Gate Moms. Actually, not fun. Certainly not worth the effort it took. I got the distinct impression that they would have liked to be some where else. I know I had that feeling myself. I guess our friendship is winding down now because we no longer have the kids being in the same school as our common bond. I'm not sure that I'll see much of them after the last of the birthday parties comes and goes.

Now I just have that dragged out too tired to be productive feeling. I can't lay down because we have a late afternoon appointment and if I fall asleep there is no guarantee that we will not either be late or miss it altogether. So I continue to sit here feeling like something scraped off of a shoe.

What I wouldn't do to have a normal amount of energy.