Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Worry less, Breathe and Live in the Moment.

What is it about this time of year? For the last week I've had no idea what day it is. Of course being without my laptop with my schedule clearly mapped out on my digital calendar has been challenging. I am not entirely sure what day it actually is. I'm just assuming its Wednesday LOL

I got out and got my run in today. Wow was it a nice change of pace to do an evening run early enough that the skies were still bright and I could clearly see all the icy patches. It was a gorgeous run. Not chilly at all. Of course, I can dress for -30C easily. Its the -8C that's challenging.

I've been reflecting on setting some goals for 2010 but can't seem to focus on anything beyond my current running goals. I have only a vague idea of what I'd like to accomplish or make better in 2010. Things like getting the house organized. Journaling more. Eating cleaner. Spending more time with my husband. Enjoying my kids on a different level. Instead of always worrying about this and that. Learning to breathe and live in the moment.

As a matter of fact, I think that will be my chief goal for 2010. Worry less, breathe and live in the moment.

Monday, December 28, 2009


This will be an interesting week. I'm at the end of my cycle which means I'm likely to be a little PMSy and that's never fun. Especially, when it eclipses a week that husband has off. Poor soul, will be so eager to get back to work that he'll run for the door with or without shoes.

I figured today would be errand day so I got up with the expectation that I'd have a cup of coffee and something to eat then trot upstairs and get ready to head out. First part done I then discovered that I'm completely out of clean clothes! Like really, how does that happen?

So instead of doing errands as a family I'm sitting here waiting to put my clothes in the wash. Gahhh...we could really use to be out of the house right now. I think today is likely a very good day for a project. I was thinking of making a lavender filled eye mask. My room is pretty bright when I go to nap and I've been grousing about not having one and not wanting to shut the drapes. So today I think that's what I'm going to make. It requires a trip to the bulk barn for the lavender. Then the fabric store. Likely, this will chew up naptime. Oh well....busy hands equals happy family.

I also need to come up with an idea for dinner. There really isn't anything in the house that I want and we need new fruit. So that's another errand to do today.

Turkey Enchiladas are really good for breakfast by the way *wink* Thankfully, its a much lower fat version. Not so much low cal. Thinking that a neat asian noodle bowl or fish for dinner. Hmmmm decisions.

Oh and I'm also brainstorming my 2010 goals and the design of a new tiny tattoo (of course running related LOL)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Its all over, thankfully!

I woke up with the niggling desire to pack up the Christmas tree and all the holiday debris. Of course this also means cleaning out the fridge and purging anything that looks like holiday food (ok so not the booze). I'm daydreaming about spa food and green tea.

With that I'm going to purge the fridge tonight and set up a week of menus. Last night I didn't even bother with dinner because I wanted food that was decidedly not Christmas food. Thankfully, I was feeling too lazy to get in the kitchen and make it. I could only imagine what I would have made. Most likely lasagna.

I miss the sun. I just noticed that again today its grey out. And foggy which means its balmy out. I haven't seen the sun in days and it drags me down. I do like the warm temperatures but seeing the sun move its way across my kitchen over my cup of coffee is a simple pleasure.

Well off to guess at what the heck to wear for my late morning run. That's the part of cool season running that I don't enjoy. I'm sure its just a symptom of being a newbie.

Oh and just for note. My laptop died a horrible death. It was kicked from my lap and landed on its power cord pin and it caused internal injuries. It hemorrhaged and died shortly after. I'm hoping that someone can raise Lazarus. My whole life was saved on that machine and in its absence I feel slightly naked and at loose ends. Me without my calendar. Eeekk!

Monday, December 21, 2009

This is what's for dessert.....

For Christmas Day. I'll be recreating this baby tomorrow. Ok, after I finish up my Christmas shopping first thing in the morning. I love holiday baking. I just hope I have enough room in my freezer to store it. I might wind up needing to store it in a cooler, in the garage, to keep it from melting.

Gotta get this done tomorrow before Misty breaks me. Its been a long time since I worked out with weights seriously or have even attempted a lunge. I'm sure I'll be beyond sore just in time to shovel my turkey into the oven. I sure hope I can manage to get the cork out of the wine bottle. Oh hell I'll chew my way into the bottle, if need be. *wink*

Let the wild rumpus start!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

And this is what I get....

for saying "F#@k it, I'll run that route". I started out around 10 am. Eager. Well rested. Well fed, and dressed for the weather. I had some zippy tunes and some interesting podcasts to listen to. Got about 2k into my run and encountered one of the nastiest routes I've ever preplanned. Of course when I planned this route I didn't bother to look at the grading of the terrain. Why would I? Ha...idiot!

What I encountered was the steepest hill I've ever come across. Its on Lyndebrook Road at the mouth of Huber Downs. Mountain Goats and all. I was running it but I had slowed to the point where I swear walking would have been more effective. Oh the lovely language that came out of my mouth in between gasps.

I hadn't gotten but 3K and change into my run when I seriously started contemplating digging out my cell phone and calling husband to rescue me. The only thing that stopped me, I suppose was the thought of him needing to stop everything he was doing and dress both boys (one of whom is sick) and put them in a cold car to come and save my lazy, intimidated ass.

So I didn't. I just dropped my pace by a few seconds and plodded on. The whole time searching for one of those podcasts on my ipod. Of course, I couldn't find it. I spent the better part of the first leg listening to the most boring broadcasts. Oddly, they aren't boring when I'm in the car. Just boring when I'm frustrated and running.

Got to Winchester and contemplated going across the highway until I got a drift of the amount of traffic. Decided to save that energy for the trip back and headed back down Coronation, in that nice downhill route that Ian had promised. Bullshit. Its not so much downhill as UP and down the same damn hills that I just crossed over.

By this time two svelte conditioned runners took up position behind me and followed my whole route back to Taunton. Oddly, they never lapped me. I didn't speed up to avoid it, my ego wasn't a factor. I kept reminding myself that this was my run, my pace. I wasn't going to let their presence intimidate me. I wound up running the mammoth hill that they didn't! When we finally met up with each other while waiting for a green light at Country Lane and Taunton, they were friendly. Full of compliments (they liked my jacket and commented on the hill I ran) and swapping comments about the crazy hills.

I love being a runner. I have never accomplished so much in such a short period of time, in anything else that I've taken on as a hobby. I love the community that I've joined. I am one of the many crazy people who run a route like this for the first time and think. "Cool....I may be insane but I rule!"

Saturday, December 19, 2009

I've got a route burning a hole in my pocket. Seriously! I planned a 12-14K route for Boxing Day Morning (I am taking Christmas Day off to recover from Misty's workout/torture sessions). I mapped this run about a week ago and I've been really excited about it ever since. OK, so how weird is that?

I've got a race in Ajax tomorrow but I'd skip it in a heartbeat to go and run that route. Its killing me not to just say "f-it, I'm running it". When did I become this person? I used to lust over new expensive nail polish. A coveted pair of shoes. Jewelery. Now its running routes, training programs or gear. I've peppered workouts through out my holidays the way I used to schedule holiday parties. I'm even working my cooking/baking spells around being able to escape outside and go.

I don't recognize myself at all any more.

Friday, December 18, 2009

I Will Win!

I purchased a spritz cookie gun the other day when I went to Michael's for the sole purpose of picking up beading supplies. Of course, I had to travel down the cake aisle. Of course, I couldn't stop myself from snatching the best one off the shelf and stuffing it in the cart.

I justified that purchase by saying that it would be an easier cookie than my usual heavily, artistically decorated sugar cookies. So with a skip in my step I pranced into my so well organized kitchen *roll eyes* and started whipping up batches of the soft buttery dough as the Kitchen Gods smiled with pleasure. Pulled out the cookies sheets, wire cooling rack and offset spatula with determination. Got the gun out and loaded it like I was going for the kill. The first couple of squeezes of the trigger produced some very odd looking shapes but I wasn't going to be distracted. Then I got the feel of the tool and got a couple of sheets pressed out and into the oven.

Lovely little cookies. The smell was beautiful (or what I could actually smell through a very plugged nose). Then to refill the gun and press out more because I was in the groove. Ha! That's where I was stone walled. No dice. Couldn't get the dough to stick to the sheets no matter what trick I tried. The Kitchen Gods chuckled.

So frustrating. These little cookies are anything but low maintenance. I've never been foiled by a baking obstacle before. I will conquer the stupid little cookies. I will....nothing will stop me. Even if I have to press that damn dough through the disk with my freak'n thumb!

*hair flip, pout*

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Stupid Cooties

So another week kaput. I was waylaid by the cooties again after my long run on Sunday. I could tell I was sick about an hour after I came home. So for the better part of the week I've spent the hours trying to breathe through my nose.

I was out in my new running gear tonight. LOVE IT...makes me sing. Could have gone further, definitely a mark of a good run. I would have but I had marked down my route and didn't want to deviate in case husband came looking for me. Just as well, was dark out and I should play it safe. I need a running buddy :(

So now I'm catching up on some of my favourite shows. Vampire Diaries. I'm on the second episode and its distracting me from completing this so I'm going to sign off.

Oh I'm down 5lbs. Nice....

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Living Vicariously

Winter has arrived. I woke this morning to the sound of ice tapping at the bedroom window. It sounded cold and gusty outside. I sat on the edge of the bed for two minutes, as I usually do each morning. I take this time to transition between sleep and "awake". During this time I process the ends of dreams before they are forgotten or take stock of what I'd like to accomplish during the day. This morning I just sat in the dark grey and listened.

It sounded beautiful. Over the tapping and blowing I could hear L. and E. in their rooms, singing, chattering, both in wonderful moods. Once my moment of reflection was over I jumped up and went in to pull back their drapes so that they could see their world's transformation. Wow, its really something to be able to experience their enthusiasm for winter. As adult, I think of the drudgery of winter more often then the splendor of it.

Christmas is much the same. When I first hear the "days till" count down I just shake my head and say it's too soon. Bah humbug. I actually hate shopping so Christmas feels like work. I get to be reminded what Christmas is actually about when I hear L. singing "Jingle Bells" and "Frosty the Snowman" in his perfect broken articulation. For them Santa is the best thing next to sliced bread with peanut butter.

So today, once the rain stops. This old little girl is going to put on her coat and hat and roll around in the fluffy white stuff with her kids. Perhaps she'll grow up long enough to shovel the driveway.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

My Husband *sigh*

I don't write too often about how much I love my husband and I need to make amends for that. Clearly, I'm an idiot. Now I hear other women boast about how great their husbands are because they don't have to be told a third time to take out the garbage. My husband however, takes the cake hands down.

Tonight while I write this blog. I'm drinking me tea from the couch with the laptop humming. My husband has cleaned the kitchen (while I bathed the kidlets). Then he pulled out the vacuum cleaner and passed it, diligently. He also plans to wash the carpets after the kids are put to bed. I mean really....! Washing the carpets! He's the best.

He does so many things for me. Then he shakes his head and says that I must be crazy cause I married him. Because I chose him. Now clearly he's nuts cause I'm the lucky one.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Running Addict

Ok so I'm obviously feeling better. I've been thinking about summer runs all morning when really I ought to be doing the housework. I've been eyeballing the Toronto Island Runs and wondering if I should register. Not that there is a big gap between my May half and a would be Aug/Sept half. LOL Like that isn't a problem at all :D It would just mean that I'd have to keep my kms up at a decent point so that I can train back up to 23K in a few weeks time. That doesn't seem hard. LOL

Then snap back to December. I realize that perhaps an intervention is due :D

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

When will it end?

So this cold has put down firm roots. I'm still stuffed up and coughing. I sounds like I need fur ball medication. This morning I am especially dizzy. I'm not sure a run tonight is in the cards after all.

I'm so tired of seeing the inside of my house. Even decorated for Christmas its tired. I need to get out and stretch my legs and get a change in scene and society but it looks like today is not that day. I think I'll scratch lessons off my list of stuff to do today too. Zero patience.

Did I mention that I am also potty training one of the most stubborn boys in the world? Well I suppose it just feels like it. Right now he's sitting on the potty refusing to try and pee. Its been an hour since his last "tinkle". At this point, I'm just waiting for the accident. I need to review the manual to see how to get past bullheadedness but I haven't had any time to sit and read it. Believe it or not the manual is 87 pages long.

Its the first of December. Happy Christmas Season to everyone. Just 24 more days.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


Gah, I was clothes-lined by the cooties. Hubby has been sick for about two weeks with a terrible cough. Each night the poor soul had to sleep upright on the couch to avoid coughing to the wee hours or to avoid keeping the whole family awake with the persistent coughing. It was likely inevitable that I would get sick too.

I feel miserable. Am I a big baby...hell yah! I'm a big mucas ball and I can't breathe through my nose which means that I'd like to die. I can't taste anything so that leaves me jonsing for goodies all day that I forget that I can't taste leaving me even more unsatisfied. So it seems I'm down to green tea and lemon halls. The occasional pop of a Vitamin C (which cruelly for some reason still tastes like ass! Yes that's right I said it!).

Once I'm done doing a light tidy, the house looks like a bomb went off. I'm going to put together the boys snack and lunch and wrap it up and put it on the table so they can feed themselves. I'm going to make a hot cup of tea and sit and knit until I'm done this new ball of yarn. I'm hopped up on enough drugs, I shouldn't feel the cramping in my hands as I work.

Oh the scarf by the way looks amazing. As usual my projects get bigger and grander than originally planned. Now my scarf actually looks like a wrap. I can't wait to add the gems and tassels. Again, the idea of "go big or go home".

Gahhh, my kingdom for clear nasal passages!

Friday, November 20, 2009

Back on Track

I've very happy to report that I've been back on track all week. I think I've gotten a jolt of the old ambition though still on half a tank of energy. Its nice to be motivated again. Even the one trip to the gym that I managed to squeeze in this week was great. I can really feel my muscles complaining which means it was good! I forgot how much I like that feeling. Sort of like constantly sticking my tongue to a canker sore. I know I'm weird.

We've been grounded since yesterday. L. is sick and running a fever. Generally cantankerous and wanting to be babied. I don't mind the cuddling and toting around since normally he just wants to run. I'll take it when I can get it. Its the 4 am wake up call to deal with a raging fever that I don't like. Not the having to get up but feeling bad for my little man. Sleep I can always make up.

We were going to do the library story time today but that's just out of the question. I'm also dragging so I'm not sure what I can do to entertain them today. I did all the cookies and muffin baking yesterday so that's out. Maybe it will just be a movie-snuggle, read-a-dozen-books kind of day.

The food plan:

Breakfast: Kashi bar (off to a late start) coffee and vitamins
Lunch: Homemade Golden Tomato w/wild rice soup, an apple w/almond butter schmear
Late afternoon snack: Orange slices & green tea
Dinner: Swiss Pigeon (1/4 white with baked potato w/salsa) side of steamed broccoli or broccoli rabe
Movie snack: Popcorn & diet coke or light hot chocolate and a oatmeal chocolate chip cookie (depends on if the craving monkey shows up :S)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

When two loves meet

I have a profound love of running. I have a profound love of shopping. One I let fly, the other I keep tightly harnessed. The two came together tonight in a most spectacular way. I met up with a girlfriend at the RR and laid down a nice sum on winter gear and new shoes. I have to say it was the best purchase I've made in a long time.

Now I think I'm good for -25C. Bring it!

Monday, November 16, 2009

Walking away

Sometimes there's power to be had by saying no or just walking away. I've never been a person who enjoys confrontation. I'd rather get a horrible haircut then confront a person about the way I feel about how they've acted toward me. I've always considered it a sign of weakness that I'd rather avoid a fight and I despise my weaknesses.

I bumped into someone on Saturday night, who by all means has been just horrible to me . Now her motivations for being that way are a mystery to me though I'm sure I could come up with a few plausible guesses. I'm not going to waste my time supposing it. She knows that she has hurt me and treated me horribly and has been told that I expect an apology (but really since its been 10 months since her last infraction I no longer expect anything from her). Tonight I bumped into her again.

Now I have wondered what I would say to her given the opportunity. In my mind, I've harangued her. In some, I've actually lunged but I only had those when the wounds were still very raw. I've made jokes about how the only good reunion with her would be lead with my front bumper. Now that it actually came to pass I feel very differently about it. I'm no longer upset. I no longer care about her at all. She has become largely irrelevant.

When our paths crossed each time I just turned my back on her and walked away. Normally, I would have kicked myself for doing that. That for some reason it would be better to make peace even though it would only come at my expense because nothing would actually be resolved. This person does not accept any responsibility for her actions. She has made it quite clear that she plans to play the "dumb" card. Twist the memories of the events so that the waters are muddied (yet again, I should add).

Instead, I walked away and continued on with my plans. My heart rate did not climb into my ears. I did not hold my breath. I did not feel sick. I did not look the other way. I did not turn my head or try to hide. I just walked passed. She called after me then called me a name when I didn't turn around to face her. Why? Why would I?

I don't know if I've faced up to a bully but I have faced up to myself. No recriminations for not confronting. I'm delighted that I tuned her out. Instead of being mad that I didn't have "courage" to berate her for being a horrible person, I chose to skip it because I saw no value in the fight. No. I won a battle tonight. No weakness either.

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Time got away from me again this week. It started out by being a regular very busy week filled with lots of activities for the boys, a few appointments, a play date or two. Add in a sick husband then me not feeling 100% shortly after. More activities this week has worn me out. The weekend hasn't been any snooze fest either.

Despite being a bit sleep deprived from a few drinks and a late date night, I headed out for a 10k run this morning. I had planned on a long run at some point today (while it was light out) but had no idea the morning would be as beautiful as it was. Once I had finished my coffee and a quick breakfast, on went the shoes.

I was gone for about an hour and 15 mins. Covering distance from my place in North Whitby all the way down to Burns Street (401) and back. I got utterly caught up in my podcast about how doctors mistreat people with mental health issues and then the debate on the benefits of Nurse Practitioners taking the load off of the medical system by running experimental clinics. Before I knew it I was home. A fabulous run!

I've also been spending every spare moment knitting away at my scarf. Its the first time I've ever made one for myself. I picked up the wool in September and didn't realize the size of the project then. During our date last night we went from one store to the next looking for more skeins. I managed to get the last four in the last store we looked in. I still likely need another two. Why are my projects always so big and expensive?

Well back to my knitting now that the boys are in bed. Husband needs to load a new anti-virus program on my laptop to keep it safe and sound. I need to chill out in the peace and quiet. Another busy week awaits...

Thursday, November 5, 2009


The verdict came in last night. We spent 3 hours talking to the doctor. Oddly, he didn't tell us anything we didn't absolutely already know. We could have written the script ourselves if we'd only learn to be more confident in what we know is true.

So at the end of the night we find that E. is Gifted. We need to try and find friends for him that are like him. We need to get him involved in social things like Beavers or Bowling teams. That academics pretty much take care of themselves so long as they are being nurtured and challenged. That sometimes quirks are just funny personality traits.


Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Sum

of all things stressful and unhealthy is the beginnings of a cold. After a fabulous run last night on what could have been the prettiest evening I've experienced since early September. I came home to warm up with a hot shower and a big cup of tea.

I dressed very well last night. A layer of next-to-skin and then crop pants and a running shirt. I took off my windbreaker after I warmed up. I felt good despite running on stress. Realized that I had been holding my tension in my shoulders for the whole run and had sore muscles in my neck and shoulders for the rest of the night. I could still feel an ache while I sat in bed and read until I was drowsie.

Before the run we all met up in the studio and were chatting about the havoc the leftover halloween treats were reaping. I have been on the biggest chocolate bender of my life. For the last two weeks I have been unable to stop myself. I also vowed to myself yesterday that I had to stop the spiral. Better to do it now before I packed on more weight.

After a very interrupted sleep (thanks L.) I woke up with resolution that today will be different. Indeed, it is. Today I have the beginning of what feels like a cold. Nose is a bit stuffy and I can feel the congestion in my air ways (likely due to post nasal drip and not airway involvement). Still instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided I was just going to go ahead with what I planned but do one better. My comfort food today is a big bowl of home made chicken noodle soup with kale. I'm poaching the chicken breasts now. The house smells wonderful.

Due to feeling off my game our lesson plan got truncated today. We mostly just concentrated on math. We'll sit later and do some reading together to make up for the shortened lessons. I just didn't want to allow my short attention span to effect him. He is doing so well now that he is being intellectually engaged.

Tonight we go and find out what the results of E.s testing are. The direction in which we should take with schooling and raising him. We are hoping to get a much clearer insight into who this little guy is.

He is looking forward to having the babysitter here. He turns into this huge smooth cat whenever she comes over. Last week when she was here he turned to her before we left and said. "You have really beautiful hair." Then just let it alone and turned his attention back to his game. Husband was in awe at his prowess. Talk about smooth.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Looking to run

and to my husband's relief, not in a straight line as he would have assumed. There's been a lot of stress and stupid things going on in our lives this last month and this month appears to be no different. I feel like the only way to get some distance or perspective is to tie on the shoes and just go. I want to be freed of the weight that ties me down when I'm all stressed.

I haven't eaten well. I'm not hydrated well so I'll be downing a little bit more water before I go for a nap and when I get up. I'll make a healthy balanced dinner after wrestling E. into his Gi. I'm watching the black clouds start to roll in and I'm not daunted. I'm running even if I need wiper blades to see.

Monday, November 2, 2009

So Tired

Up at 6 am and rushing around to make sure the house is clean enough to pass inspection. Putting together a coffee for the Gate Moms. Actually, not fun. Certainly not worth the effort it took. I got the distinct impression that they would have liked to be some where else. I know I had that feeling myself. I guess our friendship is winding down now because we no longer have the kids being in the same school as our common bond. I'm not sure that I'll see much of them after the last of the birthday parties comes and goes.

Now I just have that dragged out too tired to be productive feeling. I can't lay down because we have a late afternoon appointment and if I fall asleep there is no guarantee that we will not either be late or miss it altogether. So I continue to sit here feeling like something scraped off of a shoe.

What I wouldn't do to have a normal amount of energy.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Happy Halloween!

Well the day came and went. Started out with a chilly wet run covering about 7.5 K Then a quick dash to the dollar store to pick up mittens to match the boys costumes. After a quick bite and a fast shower we head over to the mall. The boys had so much energy that L. was actually hopping around the pet store.

After nap time huband carved the pumpkins while the kids munched on their dinner. Things quickly sped up. Before I knew it, it was time to paint E.'s face and get the boys dressed. They were so cute. I took as many pictures as I could manage but they wanted to get out into the action.

Once out they were giddy. I helped L. up and down the porches. Some of those porches were difficult to navigate. Add twenty excited kids to the mix and it became a bit treacherous. Didn't stop him from insisting that he'd carry his own over flowing candy bag from door-to-door. We went much further this year despite the cold. I really love that the boys are getting old enough to enjoy this holiday. I love their excitement.

Perhaps next year we can decorate the outside of the house more elaborately. It might actually draw more kids to get the candy that we over purchase every year. Only about 10 kids this year.

What on Earth will I do with all the leftover treats?

Friday, October 30, 2009

Making Cow

I'll post later.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

The Weekend Wrap-up

Well the climb/anniversary weekend is over. Husband and I went out for dinner Saturday night. A lovely date. I sometimes forget how it was before we had kids. We have an excellent babysitter so we never worried for a minute. Only talked about the kids if we wanted too but mostly just talked about this and that.

Today, we were supposed to go to a birthday party for a boy who was in E.'s old classroom. Then I hatched a better idea. We went bowling instead. It was a lot of fun. L. doesn't like to actually bowl the balls himself so hubby and I took turns picking him up and carrying him and the ball to the lane and bowling while holding him. Believe it or not, we bowled way better holding him than we did nearly empty-handed.

We played the arcade games and grabbed some lunch and came home and emptied the toybox and played with the kids. When we went upstairs for naptime it looked like TRU lost its lunch in my living room. Clearing it with a shovel had been tossed out there as a remedy.

You know I should feel guilty for blowing off that birthday party but I just can't bring myself to care. How terrible is that? Not. There was going to be 25 kids packed into a tiny play area. I'd rather have root canal.

This is going to be a very busy week. Finishing up the costumes being the next biggest priority bested only by lesson planning. Then the boys various activities and my various commitments. Halloween is going to creep up on us so quickly it will make our head's spin. I'm so looking forward to taking my crew out. I think we've cleaned the library of every book on Halloween. I'm getting them good and excited this year. Its the first one that both boys really understand the gist of it and aren't terrified by the idea of witches, skeletons and bats. They are looking at the prize....the candy sacks that brim!

Saturday, October 24, 2009


I did it. I'll likely do it again next year with the aim of not being hungover, over tired and dehydrated and I may actually eat the morning of the climb and the day before. Next year, Ashely and I are going to trim 5 mins off that time with fewer breaks.

It was a long haul and I was happy to finally get to the top and get that bottle of water. I was happy it was over and accomplished. The get together was a blast. Now I'm off to take a good long nap and then get ready to go on a date with my husband.

Six years. Six wonderful years. I wouldn't change a thing. I thought of my husband the whole way up the tower. Hoped that he would be proud of me. I remember being in awe of the fact that he had climbed the tower a few times. Thought only crazy healthy people desired to do that. Now I'm one. He inspires me to do a lot of things I never imagined for myself. He's the best and so very loved.

Friday, October 23, 2009


Ok so today is the day. I've got my list of stuff to pack which I ought to be doing now instead of writing this blog entry but...whatever. Thanks to my hubby I've got a foxy outfit for the night. He dug out the air mattress so that I don't have to sleep on Jan's carpet. I've dug out the bottle of Pomegranate Cosmos from the basement. It actually looks pretty yummy. Mental note: Pack extra strength Advil for hangover.

I'm really looking forward to this. Jan is a lot of fun but pair her with Pam and Azzie and the other 67 women from our group and its going to be SICK! Its my goal to get to the top in about 20 mins but Husband is convinced if I'm hungover that it will take me longer. We'll see. If anything I'll be tired from a lack of sleep.

I'm not looking foward to the drive into the city though. I hate the 401 and even worse when its dark and raining :S I'm not in a huge hurry so it perhaps it will be a nice opportunity to sip a Tims and listen to some of my music.

Ok so its time for story time. I still have dishes to do and packing. eeeekkk....

Have a great weekend everyone. I'll post my time and tales of my adventures when I get up on Sunday from nap time.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Drop it like its hot!

I feel like I'm stealing something. Should home schooling be this easy and this fun? Since we've been doing so fabulously but been a bit cooped up for the last 3 days I decided today was fun day. We headed outside to play hockey in the drive way. Poke at ladybugs and collect leaves. Then after sandwiches I broke out the bag of cheesies and the NHL Wii game. Once E. got his fill he turned and asked to do some work. It doesn't get much better.

We are starting to see some movement forward again. The other night we saw a familiar upset when he declared that he didn't want to go to Karate. He said he wasn't good at it. Then I said that Daddy wasn't either but that he was still willing to try and get better. That even Sensi still works on his art and he's been doing it for 20 odd years. We were able to get him out the door. On the way out I mentioned to husband to discuss this with Sensi.

Upon their return, I was informed that Sensi spent some extra time and engaged him through some separate play then got him back in fighting form. E. was all smiles and stories. A victory. Definitely a victory.

We are moving forward on getting him feeling more secure and confident. We are getting fewer meltdowns (none so far today). We are getting him to be a bit more independent. Accepting his quirks and working to his strengths and setting him up for small victories to boost his ego seems to be the right combo for winning rewards.

Now this aside, sure I'm not getting as much down time as I used to. Nothing around the house is getting down right now. I'm not going to let it stress me out. I'm going out after dinner tonight to get an outfit to prowl about the TO venues with my gal pals. I am looking forward to "chick" time in a big big way. If anyone knows how to have fun, its these girls. 67 ladies from across Canada are invading Toronto tomorrow. We are all getting together at a bunch of rotating events and then climbing the tower on Saturday morning then heading to Marchè for brunch. I'm hoping for some hilarious pictures and butt pinches....ok so they are a touchy feelie group.

I just hope I can manage the navigating to the different parking lots. Gosh its going to cost me more to park my car on Saturday then it will to eat at the restaurant. I suppose it also means no booze with breakie. I'll just have to drive home and indulge while I soak off my sore quads in the tub.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I've only got a few minutes to spare before the day ramps up. As you know I'm home schooling now. I'm actually really enjoying it because E. makes it easy. If its presented in a fun, non-drilling manner, he's in there like a dirty shirt. Makes me wonder how bad he was atrophying in that class. Today we'll cover more math (addition and subtraction on a vertical without a carry) then we'll do more pattern recognition. We'll practice printing a bit more. Just a page or two because this really bugs E. We'll follow up on our Anatomy lesson from yesterday and have E. label the Skeletal System, good news on this one is that now he is not freaked out about Halloween Skeletons anymore! Then we'll do some fall theme work and I'm just formulating a craft in my brain. The peculator is a little slow moving today.

Then when its starts to wind down we'll take a break and do some "kid-chefing" of some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. I'll also take that opportunity to make the side dishes for dinner. After that we'll have some story time and free play.

I've got a girlfriend swinging by around 7 to pick up the old baby gear. I'm going to be so happy to see that stuff go. I've kept all the really important stuff like the linens (to make into a quilt for each boy) and some precious sweaters and sleepers. The rest has pretty much been farmed out. Can't keep everything. I'm just happy they are all going to a good home LOL

Things are motoring along quit nicely here. L. has changed his mind back to Zebra so nothing is being done on his costume until just a few days before. I've collected all the things necessary to make it one way or the other. Asking him to be certain is likely too much of a challenge. Easier to just be prepared. Insane, right?

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Chaos and Giggles

From the ashes of a turbulent week we managed to have some crazy fun. To celebrate E.'s birthday we had the none birthday party. We asked E. to choose three of his best school mates and his brother to go bowling with. We invited these school mates and their parents and older/younger siblings to come bowl a round with us. We wound up dividing into two teams of 6 on two lanes. Bowling like crazy, laughing and having a blast the hour blew past. When the dust settled we couldn't figure out what team won but we all agreed that it was a great way to spend a Saturday morning.

We then piled into our cars and headed to McD's for food on us. That was a blast and more chaos. The kids were hungry and you'd be surprised how hard it is to order food for 12 people but I managed to place the order and get it all sorted out and doled out. Everyone fed, all the kids running around in the play area we had a great time. I sure made for a long get together.

The toys were played with and the mess cleaned up. Naps were attempted and failed at. I was too wired from the day to fall asleep but too tired to get up and do anything constructive until later in the afternoon.

I did manage to help get the house tidied up. The family fed and the rat ears that I molded sewn on to the Remy costume. I know need to glue them back and into place then stitch on the chef's hat. Hem the sleeves and legs and make tail and shoe covers for it then its done!

Then on to L's now cow costume. Yes, he changed his mind but I've got everything except the cow bell. I'm searching for a cow bell. But if I don't find one I'll make one (some how I can hear Misty laughing at me).

I'm also researching theme units and worksheets to start easing E. and L. into doing their schooling with me. I've got curriculum books but they've only have a few sheets of each section. I'd like a few more on each task. I'm really looking forward to working with them. E. makes it easy because the thirsts for knowledge. His little brother requires a little coaxing with a game but has the same good attention span like his brother.

Our first unit....Volcanoes. We build an erupting one tomorrow.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sweeping Changes

We've completed E's testing. We were testing for what we already knew. I suppose just a confirmation needed to be made to ease our minds. Odd, we don't even need to see the report now. Its like the light bulb finally completely turned on for us. Some times a person just has that "aha" moment.

There was been one heart break and issue after another with our experiment with putting E. in the school system. Now, we knew that we were putting him there to give him a shot at hanging out with kids his own age even though all our previous experiments with kids his age had been a bit of a bust. It certainly wasn't for the "education". He's got a core group of friends that he has grown up with and they are fairly accepting of him and don't think he's an alien. With them E. can be himself and have a good time.

At school, that's a whole different matter. Even the teacher treats him poorly based on her obtuse view point. Really, when did they narrow a teacher's scope so horribly? Teach to the lowest common denominator and paint children with too broad a brush because you simply don't have time or resources to see a child for who he/she is, a unique individual. Shame.

So yesterday after having an upsetting conversation while holding a shivering toddler and watching E. squirm and wring his hands next to the teacher. After having been lied to for over a month about E's progress in school, I stood up on my hind legs and yanked my son out of their reach. No more! No more listening to other people tell me about my son when they haven't got even the slightest clue what the under lying issues are. Not that this teacher (I use the term loosely too) even cared. As far as she was concerned my son was the only obstacle to her having an easy ride. Piss on her. She's lucky I didn't rip her a new on right there inside the gate!

My husband however, cannot be deterred from giving her the what for. He's got an appointment with the principal and he's lodging a complaint and having him officially withdrawn from the school. I can't bare to be there because I know myself too well. I'd be frothing at the mouth and that helps no one. I believe my son's account of his last month in that class. I believe that it was a wasted venture and now I have to concentrate on moving forward and ironing out the damage that was inflicted.

OK, yep that means I'm home schooling. I've been assuming all along that I'd need to do this at some point. Either as a stop gap measure until he could be taken into a private school or until he was old enough to return to the public system in an accelerated program. I cringe thinking about doing that again. I woke up this morning after having had a tortured day yesterday and actually felt awesome!

I am relieved. The next steps are the easy ones. This morning E. is smiling and laughing. Having a great time. Its nice to see his shoulders relax. He isn't chewing on his things today. He isn't wringing his hands. He went to bed last night sobbing and clinging saying that he didn't want to be kicked out of school. He must have thought that he did something bad, or that he was a bad kid. Not at all. He's a diamond!

So much to plan for! I am excited! This is a beautiful sweeping change. I don't look at it as a failure. I see it as an opportunity. I'm taking the road less traveled! Typical for me isn't it! LOL

The plan for the day....gee interesting concept.

Breakfast: Kashi with milk, coffee vitamins
Lunch: Homemade Turkey Veg Barley Soup
Dinner: Grilled Chicken Breast, wild rice pilaf and broccoli rabe w/peppers & garlic

Things to get done: Make E.'s bowling cake, going to try fit a run in either before dinner or before the kids go to bed. Sew the molded ears and chef's hat onto E's Remy costume. Most important....HAVE FUN!!!

Thursday, October 15, 2009


Today my boy turned 5. Wow! I can't believe how much he has changed my world. I remember that day so well. Seeing that tiny person. All brand new. Full head of black wavy hair and the voice of an opera singer giving me the what for! Seeing the 7lbs 3oz print up on the screen as he was being weighed. The squeeze of his tiny fist. The crushing wave of happiness and relief to see his little face. Now five years later. I'm still struck dumb by him. He's fabulous.

I sat on his bed last night for 10 minutes stroking his hair. Touching his fingers. Gazing at him while he slept. I remembered all the days after he was born when I just held his sleeping body and watched him. Almost afraid that if I put him down he'd stop being real. My life has curled around his and its wonderful.

Ok, enough! I've got ears to mold for his Remy costume. Can't spend the whole day being a mushy mess.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


Ok so not my most productive day. Got the kids up, dressed and E. off to school. Headed out to Walmart in search fabric. For some reason I was under the impression that they sold some fabric pieces. Perhaps I'm hallucinating. I did manage to find a bit of what I needed to make the chef hat for E's costume.

The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. I collapsed into a coma quickly and got up just in time to get E. ready for karate. Husband was a dear and picked dinner up for himself and the boys so all I had to do was to get ready for my run.

I have no idea what distance we ran tonight. Its also a real shame that my Garmin didn't record my pace. Though I was running on my own tonight I know I was going at a pretty good pace and feeling pretty good doing it too. I'll have to figure out what went wrong so that I don't repeat that again.

I'm headed to bed in a minute or two. Was hoping that my hair would be dried in time but oh well. I can scarcely keep my eyes open now. Nothing works off stress like a good run. I'll head out again tomorrow for a longer run. It makes for a nice break in the evening. I'll likely have to run some laps around the hood so that I'm under street lights.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Thanksgiving Monday

Happy Thanksgiving!

I've been pretty much in the kitchen for the last couple of days. This comes as no surprise, does it?

I was inspired to go for a run yesterday morning and I clocked another 6.5K on the meter. Came home, showered and ate lunch and got right to work. I did manage to get an hour nap and got up and tucked my turkey into the oven. I got dinner on the table for 6 pm and in about 20 mins later that was that. It then only took me 30 mins to clean up since I clean as I go. Had my feet up and tv show on before the kids were out of the tub.

The rest of the evening was spent vegging and nursing tender feet. I definitely think its time for new shoes. My legs felt good after the run. No need to ice anything. That of course makes me happy. I was running a long yesterday morning. Thoroughly enjoying my route. The trees were gorgeous and the sky was that brilliant crisp blue. Then the next thought just popped in my head. I felt like Forrest Gump when he decided to run from coast-to-coast and back again. Sometimes a person just feels like running. Who knew?

Today is a no cook day. I've earned it!

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Long Weekend

I've been looking forward to this weekend for a long time. Funny thing was that it kinda snuck up on me. The calender has a way of playing tricks on me. I suppose I've been a stay-at-home mom so long that really the days really do blend. Today, could be Monday for all it really matters. I know I've said that before but its true.

I spent the morning in the kitchen again today experimenting with breakfast cookies. All the benefits and almost none of the sugar. It seems that L. isn't a pancake boy so I needed something that was better than cereal. He doesn't like oatmeal so I had to employ another mindset. Cookies for breakfast! Why not? I created an oatmeal cookie that is actually good for him. The great part....He loves them. Asks for the biggest one and will scour the bag of cookies looking for the prized selection. Another victory for mommy. Those boys have consumed more icky vegetables in the last two days then they have in a dog's age!

I finished my baked beans after setting them up to do their thing over night. At 2:30 when L. fell out of bed and woke me up all I could smell was garlic. I was a little worried that I OD'd on the garlic but by 6 am it smelled heavenly in the house. My beans are tucked away in the freezer now, portioned out into double serving sized bags so that with a little notice they can be pulled out for future dinners. I'd keep going but I've officially run out of room in my freezer. I will not have any available space for anything else until I can evict my turkey and the apple pie that is taking up all the room.

I managed not to tire myself out so completely today. I'll be in fine shape for a nice long run tomorrow. I plan to run again on the weekend to help burn off some of the weekend's decadence. I'm really looking forward to making that meal and just hanging out with my guys.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Mom 1, E. 0

So the pancakes went down well. E. must have been absolutely ravenous. I actually got a compliment from him! L. on the other hand does not like chocolate (odd eh?) so he did not eat them. I'm less worried about L. because he will still eat pretty much anything and everything I put in front of him. He seems to love boiled cabbage, nuff said. So with that victory under my belt I'm moving on to make a plethora of other "good" foods. They'll have to get used to it.

I'll likely be in the kitchen all morning. I'll certainly need my nap. I think I'll head out for my run, as soon as, Husband and E. get home from Karate tonight. No matter what time I choose it will still be a dark run. I'll stick to the neighbourhood loop so that I'm in a well lit path and close to home and to friends should something arise.

Scarfing down my breakfast now. I've got 9 mins until I hit the kitchen for a major culinary workout. Its like I'm in training for the cooking race I'll have on Sunday for Thanksgiving. Monday is our stretchy pants lazy day!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


What a crazy day. Originally, I was supposed to hosting a Gate Mom coffee morning at my place but because we were all sick last week and everything piled up around here I decided to postpone it and try and get some of the laundry and tidying and maybe get a chance to just hang out with L. and play.

I spent the morning just playing with L. It was great. He's a sharp one and so totally cute. Very fun. Then the morning turned on its ear. I created a pasta with pureed chicken breast, milk, cauliflower and disguised it all in a white cheese sauce. It was ingenious, truly. There was almost zero texture which is the issue for E. He will not eat any meat if there is a texture. Its a struggle to get him to even eat a hot dog which has zero texture.

I've been feeling terribly anxious that he just isn't getting the nutrition that he needs so I've decided today to pull out all the stops. There is going to be some mad experimentation in this house this week.

Its 9:46 pm and I've finally decided to sit down and munch an apple. Tonight after dinner (that didn't get eaten by E. and was sent to bed without a supplement of pb sandwich because we think that he's also waiting us out for the good stuff. Power struggles :S) I headed out to the grocery store. I picked up a whole new arsenal of veggies to hit him with.

Tonight I prepared a breakfast that can't be refused. With a flour blend of unbleached flour, whole wheat flour and wheat germ in equal proportion. Banana. Peanut butter, pureed carrots and sweet potato, egg, milk and chocolate chips. The creation....Funky PB Monkey Pancakes. I nibbled the reject pancake and OMG it was fantastic. If E. rejects these pancakes them I'm marching him to a doctor to have his tongue looked at!!! I haven't had anything that good in a long time!

So they are tucked into the fridge to be reheated by a bleary-eyed mommy before she even has a cup of coffee, first thing in the morning. Along with the pancakes, there are bags of spinach, zucchini, cauliflower, carrots and sweet potatoes. Broccoli and sweet peas. All of these precious veggies are being turned into purees tomorrow and every meal those boys get will get a few tablespoons stirred in. Flaxseed and wheat germ and oat bran in everything that I can hide it in.

I'm declaring war! Armed with breakfast cookies and spinach puree hidden in peanut butter I'll win the battle. I am determined. He after all is only a 5 year-old.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Productive Tuesday

Wow, if I had know the recipe for a productive day was to be karate kicked by L. all night (yep, bad dreams so he slept in our bed, plastered right up against me). I got up early and managed to not only get the kids fed and dressed, as well as, myself. I also managed to get E's snack ready and them in their gear and out the door well before the locks were taken off the gate. We had to sit in the car and chat for a bit until everyone else showed up for the day.

Got back to the house with L. and got a few loads in the wash. Cabbage rolls in the crock pot (yeah we wound up having spaghetti last night because there were too many errands to do during the day). Pea soup bubbling away and prepared a brine for my chicken breast. I'm just waiting for my soup to reduce a bit more then I'll sit and have some lunch.

I still have a few more loads of wash to do but I'm in less of a hurry to get that done since it seems that the fairies are stealing my laundry baskets again :S I hate that! I hate housework. I find value in the work and the house always seems so much nicer after its done but trying to do the housework while the kids follow along either fighting with eachother or making larger messes just makes me want to say "forget it".

The plan:

Breakfast: Banana and Kashi bar

Early Lunch: Homemade Pea soup with crackers

Dinner: Grilled chicken breast & green salad

After run snack: Yogurt parfait.

Exercise: Lots of housework and cooking....and run club *Squeeeeeeeeeeel*

Monday, October 5, 2009

Beautiful Morning

I love Mondays. Yep I'm odd. I like Mondays because it means I get a clean slate. I get to get us back on track, back on schedule. Its a wonderful do-over. E. went to school this morning. We actually got dressed, fed and out the door with plenty of time to get a good parking spot at the school. Of course I got the usual "I don't want to go" shpeal from E. but I ignored it. L was a handful at the school too but only because there were nice big puddles that I wouldn't let him play in.

E is 100% better, L is still sick. Stuffed up and miserable. I'm still stuffed up too so I can't throw stones. I've got more energy today. The sun is up. I feel light and think I can navigate us through this day without a lot of heartbreak :D

We'll go and pick E up just before 11 am and then come back for lunch. Then pile in the car for E's testing appointment at 1. Back in time for naps. Then Husband takes over at 5:30 taking them out to soccer while I get an hour of peace to myself to make dinner. I'm looking forward to that hour *giggle*

I am hoping for a quiet night of knitting and in bed before 10. I got caught up in the Godfather last night so I didn't shut the lights out until closer to 12 eeeeekkkk.

The plan:

Breakfast: 1 egg poached, toast and banana

Snack: apple & tea

Lunch: Homemade pea soup

Dinner: Cabbage rolls & green salad.

Exercise: 1 hour of yoga

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Oh I am so sick. Stupid cold. E got it and gave it to L and L gave it to Mommy. It was my thought that if I were to get sick that this was the week for it. I determined last Saturday that after the race I was going to take the week off as a rest week. Gentle stretching and just puttering around the house to let me legs heal from those crazy hills and that sudden burst of energy that had me sprinting to the finish line. I was hoping that I'd be back to robust health before Tuesday. I'm not exactly sure that will happen.

E is back to school after a week off and I couldn't be happier about that prospect. L and I will hit a park or a McD's playland tomorrow to help him burn off some energy before we attempt to sit in a waiting room for an hour while E gets his second session of testing. Then they get to go to soccer with dad when he gets home from work leaving me alone for a whole hour before dinner time. Hmmm what will I do with a whole hour to myself?

Today hasn't been a great food day but not necessarily a horrible one. I got up all fuzzy-headed and drank a cup of coffee. Took my vitamins and finished up my grocery list. Did the groceries, picked up Tim's and headed over to Stroud's for apples and garlic. I got a peck of Northern Spies and I'm guarding the bag with a jealous eye. I need to make room in the fridge for them or I'll have to store them in the basement to keep them fresh.

Decided to go with something spicy for dinner in attempts to help evict this cold. I didn't even break a sweat :( The beer was really good though. I'm a little light headed now LOL

The plan was:

Breakfast: only coffee and vitamins (I should have had some oatmeal...oh well)

Lunch: Tim's large decaf w/cream. Nacho's (about 15 Amy's chili & lime tortilla chips with 1/4 c of shredded cheddar. 1/4 c re-fried beans. 1/4c guacamole and 1/4 tomato salsa)

Snack: Camomile & lemon tea

Dinner: Catfish and Shrimp Etouffée served with brown rice. 2 Corona lites Drank one while I made the roux...that's how you know when its ready. It takes the amount of time it takes a regular person to drink 1 beer. hiccup :D Drank the other with dinner.

Snack: Apple with 1tbsp Almond Butter & decaf tea.

Kids are in bed at 7:30. I'm either going to watch the second hour of the Grey's Premiere and knit or just knit for an hour or so but definitely in bed and lights out by 10pm. But before they go I need to look up the classes October calendar online to make sure that E doesn't need something special for school tomorrow. Sometimes it feels more like I've got homework then he does.

Hoping for better health tomorrow.

Saturday, October 3, 2009


A few weeks ago before the end of clinic, our coach Misty had us sit down and think of a few future goals. All health or fitness related. My first goal, the one that popped into my mind was to run a half marathon. Forget that I still had to run the 5KA grad race (had a speed goal in mind). Then start the 10K clinic and run a 10K. My mind lept over all of it. Right to that magic 26.1km distance goal. So really there are a bunch of goals all tied to that half. I thought I'd sit down to day and time-line a couple more since I she had lit the fire under me.

  • Hitting the Gym no less than 2 times a week
  • 5KA grad race goal was (to trim 4 mins off my time, I could have accomplished that had the course not been mapped through the mountains LOL).
  • To meet that 5KA goal once this cold is gone I'll run that distance again with the goal to get the other minute knocked off. I'll likely run that on Thursday night as a regular run.
  • 10K clinic start - Tues Oct 6th
  • 10K Race - December 13th. To accomplish my first 10K No time goals in mind.
  • 10K Race - December 20th. Just to do it again for shits and giggles :D No time goal here either.
  • Start half training in December/Jan when that clinic starts up.
  • Run a few more 5K's just to get stuff and stretch legs and stay motivated.
  • Run the WIN Half (already registered so there is no backing out of that commitment).

Reward system: I'm going to break this down according to distance. For every 25-30K of training/race kms racked up I'll treat myself to either a new related gadget/item of clothing or a pampering thing like pedi or facial/massage.

All of these goals are short term goals. All to be accomplished before Summer 2010. After the New Year I'll sit down and write up another list of short term goals. I want them to stay as immediate as possible so that I don't lose interest. I have not entered the CN Tower Climb because that is almost purely social. I'm not doing any special training for it and have no time goal in mind.

Friday, October 2, 2009


After several emails and a marathon telephone call I can happily say that it feels good to be reconnected to Cindy. We call each other Sister. Its appropriate because she's always been my sister.

Hour after hour of chatting and reminiscing peeled back the distance and years. I got the answers that I was seeking and I've been assured that by opening the door, reconnecting would not be the fatal experience that I've both dreamed of and dreaded, all this time. There was nothing she told me yesterday that came as any big surprise. In fact, I was delighted to find out that a lot of my assumptions were right on the money. Things played out pretty much exactly as I had predicted. I have no regrets. I know I chose the right path. The only thing I wish I could have done better was to keep that channel open with Cindy.

Being only kids and having our lives shift so dramatically from year-to-year would have made that virtually impossible anyway. I'm relieved that she forgives the transgressions of not being able to keep better tabs on each other. I feel light.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Message in a Virtual Bottle

I'm a bit of an orphan, really. The only family that I can lay claim to right now would be my own little brood and my Father. All other relations were shed or lost a long my life's journey. I've always thought about them. Missed having some of them in my life.

Through the miracle/curse of Facebook I think I may have found my 1st cousin on my mother's side. Cindy. We were as thick as thieves growing up. She was like my sister. We were often mistaken for twins but I believe that was due more to us both being short thin blonds but we did actually dress alike though not identical (we were close not idiots LOL). In many circumstances we were inseparable even though we lived very different lives.

When I moved to Winnipeg at 18/19 I left much of my life behind. Painful family ties were severed for the sake of my sanity. With that decision I took on collateral damage. I lost much of my old friends and support system due to that distance and the fact that I was working full-time to be a starving artist student. I couldn't afford the long distance bills and after a time even writing seemed pointless. The drift had occurred. I was also protecting my location from some of these people because I didn't want other family members following me to my new sanctuary. I was there to start a new life.

I've already sent her the virtual message in a bottle after being so happy to just find her and typical to me, without deeper thought. I now wonder if I'm ready to open that door again even though I've missed her so terribly all these years. She's got kids and a life that I know very little about. She has no idea that I'm not in Winnipeg any more and that I've married and had my children. Can she tell me what I need to know? Would that information devastate me? Would it open old wounds? Would it be cathartic? Is this my opportunity to correct a lifetime of regret or to cause more?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

When time slips past....

Its dark and gloomy out there today. Last night if sounded like we were deep into November with the wind rushing over the top of the house. I need to get myself in the game. The month is slipping away from me and Thanksgiving is in two weeks time. I have almost all of our Thanksgiving dinner already in the house but that's only because I have that food hoarding disease. I still need to put up the tree. Yes, I have a Thanksgiving Tree, and its lovely too.

The work on the costumes has not progressed beyond the body suits being completed. I still need to finish them up. I have no idea what their Halloween social calender will look like and it would be a good idea to get them done a head of time. I still need to pick up the Halloween goodies though I don't like having them in the house for too long a period of time. They tend to go missing before the actual date or I buy too much and I need to dump it off on poor unsuspecting office workers at Sick Kid's. Trust me, there are likely a few women there with me on their short list. When I worked I use to hate wives like me.

Today is going to be spent in Neutral. Both boys are sick today. Both running low-grade fevers and miserable. It will be enough just to keep them entertained. I'm sure I can find enough busy work and activities to get us through the morning and with any luck nap time will be fruitful with sleep for both boys.

The plan:

Breakfast: Toast w/Almond Butter & Banana, coffee, vitamins

Snack: Kashi bar and tea

Lunch: Lean Chef Salad w/balsamic vinegar & whole wheat bagel

Dinner: Roasted Lemon Thyme Chicken with heirloom gem potatoes and sauteed green beans with almond & garlic

No planned exercise today. Just household puttering.

I'm off now to play some wii fit with the kids. Have I mentioned how much I hate my Mii (she looks just like the running pictures :S)

Monday, September 28, 2009


After a few nights of very little sleep. I'm sitting here on the couch bleary-eyed and crawling out of my skin. I don't get anxious about much but today is a big day. As it also turns out both boys are sick. Poor L. came down with what looks to be a horrendous cold. He's been requiring Advil for the sore throat and the nose is going like a broken faucet. E. coughed in his sleep all night.

This will not make for a fun afternoon. As a result of the untimely colds, I'm keeping E out of school this morning to rest both body and mind. He'll be challenged enough by the doctor this afternoon. What I'll do with L. to keep him entertained for the hour is beyond me. Perhaps I can scrounge up the DVD player and a movie he hasn't seen in very long time. It could buy us some precious minutes of sanity. Ok it could buy me a few minutes of sanity.

Now for some of you, you know why E. is being tested. We have always known that there has been something unique and unsettling about E. From the beginning he was an alert and charming baby. Complained very little. More interested in observing then eating. Content to just be parked where the action was and throw in some skill based toys, he was delighted.

He has always been incredibly independent. A pioneer. At big and crowded play dates I'd put him down and he'd be gone like a shot, never looking back but never ever mixing with his peers. He didn't cry when I left the room. Never really babbled. Never asked questions. Seemed that he tried talking early but decided it wasn't for him. Finally started chattering after meeting his Grandfather (like me with the gift of gab) at 14 months and hasn't closed his mouth since.

The big clues were at 16 months when he started to read store signs. Driving a long and identifying Sears, Home Depot, Tim Hortons. Then it progressed to other more complicated sight words. Then by age two we had covered all the written words for everything a house could hold and moving on to the outside world.

At age three he started reading primary and grade one readers and picked up a pen and started writing. Though I had not realized that he had been writing the alphabet from age 2. I just thought it was normal for a child to scratch out their ABC's. It didn't seem so very complicated and he did it with such ease that it didn't come as any big surprised.

At age 3 1/2 he was studying astronomy texts and proved to have a capacity to memorize even the most minute of details. When he started drawing constellations with magic markers then labeling the drawings (in textbook style) instead of drawing stick people and houses. It started dawning on us that this was more than a mere idle past time.

Now all that is just wonderful but along with comes other issues. E though very smart for his age is also very immature for his age. He is going on 5 but is likely more about 3 1/2 years of age in emotional maturity. He realizes that he is different from his peers and often winds up isolated as a result. Common ground can be surprisingly hard to find in SK. He doesn't have the "friendship" skills that his peers seem to have. He can probably recall all 68 moons of Jupiter (many of them only having number codes as names) but he cannot dress himself without my help. Has no desire to play the silly games his friends play and has no patience to teach them his.

We butt heads all the time. Our relationship sometimes feels so complicated, neither of us liking each other all that much at times. Then other times as close as two people can be. I often feel like I'm doing something really wrong. We should not be so polarized. My girlfriends all make it look so easy. Why do I feel like I'm struggling so much? Why? Likely because their kids are not E. *sigh*

I have no confidence in my parenting where E is concerned and I think a lot of it comes from not believing its true. There is still some shred of hope that our boys can grow up in the "norm". Ok, so that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. So we are taking E for testing to try and quantify his IQ. It doesn't quantify his potential though. There are no tests for that. His potential largely falls on his own shoulders but we need to find him a path where he can let his intellect fly and try and round him out with the "common ground" that is otherwise not easily obtained.

What we do know for sure. He will not be in the regular school board system for much longer. I have a bet that he will not make it to January at this point. He hates school. Can you imagine a 5 year old declaring that he hates school. That just isn't normal. It breaks my mommy heart too. It also means that L.'s path is going to be altered too. I'm sitting here blogging to you and L, who is 3 years-old, is spelling out "ice cream shop" and "mailbox" with magnetic letters. He's got the spelling correct too. Last night our family past time was a math game. A pad of paper and each of us taking turns to come up with math equations to answer. Not the norm considering for the last year and a half we've been trying to dumb our kids down so that they could enjoy a normal school life. How foolish was that?

Yah...Um I can't make simple change. Where did these apples fall from?

I have a feeling that from this point on. Everything changes.

Saturday, September 26, 2009


Racing with friends makes me happy. The achievement notched and a new personal best, all good. I loved that on the way home I was rejuvenated. Happy to see the trees turning colour. Cows dotting the fields. Thrilled to come home and see the chalked hockey rink lines and L's scribbles on the driveway. Happy to come home to a really hot kiss (sorry all maybe TMI) from my husband. Happy to see my kids. Shower, coffee and a potato chip treat what more could a girl want? I mean, really?

I have so much more to blog but I'll leave it at that for a while. Just basking in the "Happy".

Thursday, September 24, 2009

*Giggle snort*

The wrap up. I was feeling awful all morning. Got pretty much nothing done but I scale it back when I'm not 100% so that I can recoop faster. Got the kids down for naps at 2 and passed right out. Stayed out until 4:30 then woke up and reassessed. Felt good enough for the run so I made a smoothie to help fuel.

That was the grosses thing I think I've ever made. I purchased some chocolate protein powder and its less than delicious. I added some unsalted, unsweetened PB and some low fat milk and ice. Yuck, yuck and yuck. I only drank 1/4 of a cup and dumped the rest. The run was a 5 out of 10. I forgot my hat and was running mostly into the sun. But got into my pace by the second interval and could have kept going but it was only supposed to be a light run to stretch my legs. I reined it in and circled back to home to stretch and get on with the rest of the night.

I sit here now with a burning stomach. Not thrilled with that. I'm hoping its just the acidity of my dinner (red wine in the sauce) with the diet coke that doesn't like me. I otherwise feel just fine. I'm icing my shins as they are a little tender but then that's due to me not stretching as much this week. I will be paying more attention to that in the next days. I'm also giddy because I'm once again downloading my run to both the training software and I'm like a kid in a candy store!

I think I'll just drink some tea while I watch my Grey's tonight. Off to put the boys to bed. Yippeee!


Oh man, I'm tired today. I got my wake up call today at 4:30 am when E started crying out that he was in pain. I bolted up and ran to his room and investigated his complaint. No fever, sniffly, runny nose and sore throat. Diagnosis: Irritated throat due to post nasal drip. Action: 3mls of Advil and more sleep.

Next thing I knew hubby was waking me up at 6:15 asking me if he should get L. up. The day begins. I initially assumed that E would take the day off school and I let him sleep until just after 7 I heard a familiar squeal from his room. Upon investigation I find him playing in his bed, all happy and bouncy. He ate well and had no fever and declared that his throat felt fine. Still a bit sniffly but fit for school.

Now I'm sitting here on the couch assessing myself wondering if its just fatigue or if I'm fighting something off. At this point, I'm undecided. I don't have much planned and have no aspirations to get much done. It would be a good day to just put feet up and knit. If I'm feeling more energetic I'll go for a 2-3K run tonight.

The plan:

Breakfast (was) 2 slices of cinnamon raisin Ezekiel toast w/butter, 1/2 cup of 2% cottage cheese with blueberry compote. Coffee & Vitamins

Snack: Nectarine & Jasmine Tea

Lunch: Open-face ham, apple and muenster sandwich w/carrots and hummus

Dinner: Coq Au Vin served with 1/2 cup of roasted garlic mashed potatoes

(run-only) snack: Yogurt parfait

Exercise: Considering having my 2-3K run before dinner between 5:30 and 6 or skipping it altogether. Just waiting to see what my energy level is like.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Wrap up

Wow, what a long day. The gym really wiped me out. Of course it didn't help that I didn't eat properly before going. Lunch was good and nap was good. The meet the teacher night was over whelming. We got there right at 6 and managed to get a few minutes with the teacher exclusively before the throngs of parents and noisy kids came rushing in from the BBQ. The room went from empty to packed in the blink of an eye.

We chatted with some of the other parents then took off. Husband took the boys across the street to chat with the neighbours and allow the boys to play with some of their stuff for a bit and I reluctantly joined them. I stayed for a few minutes then took off back home to get the steak on the BBQ.

Now I sit her watching Gossip Girl and icing my shins. I'll be in bed in about an hour. I need this day to come to a close.

The Plan (was):
Breakfast: 2 slices of raisin cinnamon Ezekiel w/Almond butter (only 1/2 slice was munched) coffee.

Snack: Kashi Bar (scarfed in the car on my way to the gym)

Lunch: 2 cups of Turkey Chili & diet coke

Dinner: 4 oz steak w/Caesar salad loaded with extra veg, Corona Light.

Snack: Apple w/Almond Butter

Exercise: 60 min workout burning 600 calories per my HRM


That little guy keeps me honest. I so didn't want to go to the gym this morning but that little guy with his cute little face. He loves the daycare so much that I didn't have the heart to say no today. Staying home in PJ's just drinking coffee would have been my heaven but his hell.

I had a good workout and got a lot of people watching in. The TV station I had turned on was boring after the first few mins. So I do what I do best....just watch the people do their thing while I did mine. After an hour I hit the shower and went to collect L and he was having a hell of a good time. They take the kids into the big gym and let them run with these big balls. The balls are bigger than the kids but they are having a blast. Running and getting knocked over by them. If we weren't running a little behind I would have been happy to just sit down and watch for a while.

L as having such a good morning that I didn't have the heart to keep him from discovering the giant puddles that are all over the school's parking lot. As I stood waiting impatiently (by this point I was starving and wanting my bowl of turkey chili). L, was discovering just how wet and dirty he could get. By the time that E came out of the class L. was dripping and black from the waist down.

Have you ever noticed how mom's tear into each other with their judgments? Well, I should say that it seems to be a woman thing, being a mom likely just opens up new categories to levy judgments. There was an incident with a little girl yesterday morning. It was her first day of JK and her big brother (9 or 10 years old) was dropping her off at the gate. She was clinging to him for dear life, crying because this was all so new and scary and she didn't have any friends. A very big transition for someone so tiny. It was heartbreaking as a mom to see both the little girl in pain and the huge responsibility that her brother was burdened with.

Now the back ground to the story is that both parents are on sabbatical from their jobs this year. Why? Is unknown. But with both of them not working, the question becomes, why was this little girl sent to school on her very first day without either of her parents? Deep down inside I just felt that there would be no way I'd ever miss that for either of my kids nor would I ever make them face that transition by themselves. It just would never happen. Then the thought came that I have no idea what caused the parents not to attend and who knows what they must have been facing that kept them away. Why are mom's so hard on each other? Needless to say, they have been the top story at the gate ever since.

Tonight is meet the teacher. This ought to be interesting. I have to wonder what she has to say. Last year there was a "see no evil, speak no evil and hear no evil" mentality.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Tuesday Morning

Blah, is it me or does it feel like Monday Morning all over again? Perhaps its because its so grey and lifeless outside.

A better morning in respect to schedule. I didn't get much of a fight out of E. Once he was in the playground he dropped his bag and started running around with the other kids. This is a good thing as he usually prefers his own company then grouses later that he doesn't like school because no one plays with him (mostly because he's always just kicking dirt). He claims that he doesn't like their games and doesn't want to teach them to play his. All I can do is grit my teeth because he doesn't get that "belonging" is completely within his control.

Wahoo, Run club tonight (this is actually the last one of this clinic...that prospect also makes me very happy cause its on to the 10K!). I've got a new gadget to help celebrate my successful completion. Its not hard to become a running dork. I've already set up the laptop to download both into the Garmin Training Program and my favourite "map my run". Weeeeee! *Pops champagne and tosses confetti*

The plan:

Breakfast: Poached egg on Ezekiel toast w/banana and coffee

Snack: 1/2 c cottage cheese w/blueberry compote

Lunch: Two fishcakes on a bed of mixed green salad with spicy tartar sauce.

Dinner: Beef Barley Soup with grilled ham, muenster and apple sandwiches.

Exercise: Light housework and puttering, 6K run tonight.

Monday, September 21, 2009

This Girl's Got Gadget!

Whoot! I got it. Now, I can dream about other things LOL I met Cheryl at Costco today and although she protests, I still feel that I owe her big time. She has just saved me an awful amount of money.

I've got my Garmin! I'm very happy. Of course I didn't actually wait until I got home to start playing with it. I had it out of the box and on my arm before I left the parking lot. Turned it on while I was driving down Lakeridge and started fiddling before I was even in the school parking lot. I'm a junkie. I can see how this supposed cheap hobby is fast becoming one the most expensive hobbies of all time. It has now officially surpassed my scrapbook tally. No small feat I must add.

The day was uneventful otherwise. Did a bunch of errands after collecting husband from the station. Waited entirely too long at Shopper's Drug Mart for them to fill a prescription. You'd think we were asking them to mine gold!

Now we are just counting down the minutes until bed time when I'll break out the tea and knitting needles or my new magazine that I picked up while I waited at the drug store. Its no small chance that they make you wait. It gets people to buy things they really don't need.

Ok, confession, my tea will likely grow cold and no knitting will occur tonight while I try to figure out how to work my forerunner. Sigh...gadgets are good.

Sunday, September 20, 2009


I was up in the dim light of dawn (6:30) to spend breakfast with my guys. Did some knitting. Put together some puzzles and made a play dough bowling alley for L. Groceries were done by 10:30 and yes, I got my free turkey. So now Thanksgiving and Christmas are covered for Turkeys. Did I mention that I have a food hoarding issue?

I've got a ham in the oven which I'll shave up for lunch meat and I'll leave some large chunks for baked beans and pea soup along with the shank bone and tuck them into the freezer. I was going to make us some cabbage rolls too but I completely forgot to pick up the ground beef and pork. So I'll leave that for later on during the week when I need to run back to the store for some other odds and ends.

A whole lot of nothing much planned for the day. Nice actually. I've got a couple of small projects that I'd like to do today. Nothing of any consequence but just things that need more attention that I can devote if I've got little hands in the way. I've got some stationary to make. The ears for E and L's costume to mold. Yes, my make work projects never end.

I am going to dedicate the next hour or so to menu planning for the week. Got a cup of tea in the works and an apple wedged and smeared with almond butter (my new favourite snack don'tcha know!)

The Plan:

Breakfast: Kashi bar with coffee (forgot to eat breakfast this morning....was in a fine sweat to go get my free turkey LOL)

Lunch: Noodles with shredded beef and Asian veggies. 1/2 an abandoned banana rescued from L's plate

Snack: for-mentioned apple with almond butter and tea

Dinner: 4 oz of grilled steak. Grilled mushrooms & peppers and a green salad. Corona light with lime.

Exercise: 30 mins elliptical, grocery shopping and puttering/cleaning.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Saturday, in hind sight

Since the day is coming to a quick close I guess I need to recap.

Getting up was a bit painful this morning. I swatted at the alarm clock on and off for about half an hour until finally I got up at 6:30 and released the kidlets from their rooms. Both seemed to be in good health today which is always a good thing. Though I think it will be L's turn tomorrow. His appetite has been a bit off today.

I discovered my still snoozing husband had the forthought to be awesome and set up the coffee maker so that when I came down there was already a full hot pot of coffee. Gotta love is heart! Besides the fact that I love seeing my children first thing in the morning (I actually really miss them when they are sleeping) I adore my morning coffee. Just knowing that its downstairs waiting for me is like a siren call. Cup filled to the brim I settled in and enjoyed watching my kids munch their breakfast and bounce about with an unnatural amount of energy.

Had a fabulous but tough run with Misty. She's got those long legs and all that speed so my pace was not necessarily my pace this morning. I did find the run therapeutic as the doctor's comments were still circling about in my mind making me second guess myself and that's dangerous. Talking it out with girlfriends is always the best medicine. I highly recommend it!

6K felt like 3K and the run was quickly over. Headed back home to have one more cup of coffee and a nice hot shower then off to a speech assessment with my littlest monkey. 45 mins later and L has been assessed as "age appropriate" Yay! Cue the fireworks! Pop the champagne. Only 8 months ago he couldn't speak at all.

I celebrated with him and took him over to Wee Bee Toys and Shit (Detroit slang for Toys R Us). Puzzles, play dough, markers and a big roll of paper. Then a regulation hockey net and some sticks (net was hubby's request) I had to get the hell out of there.

I had the sugar plum thoughts of a Garmin circling in my head the whole time I was awake this morning. Passed out for my nap thinking of it. Hoping that Cheryl would call and say road trip. She's agreed to take me shopping for one tomorrow, if we can manage to get the timing right. I love her...she's my enabler too. I still think she should get one too. Just think Cheryl, how much better running your half would be with GPS, timed intervals, heart rate measured and you could dork-out and download your results to analyze your performance :D Nuff said.

Spent a few hours outside watching the boys take shots on the net and have Dad defend. L is an excellent goalie with great instincts. E is a natural right wing. I took some of that time in between fetching the balls from the road to prune back some of my leggy shrubs and tame back the Dog Woods hogging all the space in the front bed. The pizza man pulled up just in time and we called the end of the second period to take it inside for dinner.

Now we are playing the third while E and L watch the Leafs play Philly. I think we may just be a hockey family now. I'm picking up my knitting needles in a bit to veg out and get my afghan done so that I can start in on my scarf.

Today's ranking: (scale of 1 being very bad and 10 being very good) a 7. If I'd gotten my Garmin it would have been a 10!

Friday, September 18, 2009

New Running Mantra

I just made up the greatest running mantra of all time....ready?

"I'm stronger than I think I am. Watch me prove it!" Yeah I like it too :D

Update: Coffee is off. E. woke up at 7 am with a fever (though slight) and was throwing up. Poor baby monkey. I had a feeling he was getting sick. He just wasn't himself for the last two days. It now makes perfect sense. I should stop doubting my mommy instincts. They too, are stronger than I give them credit for.

Hope he's feeling better before nap time so I don't have to call off the date. Though, its not looking good because I just got finished cleaning him up after yet another episode of up-chucking. Poor little muffin. My mommy heart hurts for him.


After a night of crazy dreams I'm up and feeling pretty good. I guess its the Friday effect! Whatever, I'll take it. I actually do feel much better. Had a good long talk with hubby yesterday and I've got a plan. I'm very much an action plan sort of person and without one I just feel like I'm twisting in the wind. "Shake it off and move forward". Good plan eh? Yeah I like it.

Seriously, I'm in a great mood this morning. Today is also a coffee with the Gate Mom's morning. We will all converge on Denise's place and chatter away like hens for two hours then go back and retrieve our kidlets from school all hopped up on baked treats and full strength coffee. I'm drinking my usual cup(s) here so that when I go I'll just drink clear tea. I can't afford the caffeine overload.

Tonight I also have a date with hubby. We are conspiring to go and see a movie. We haven't done that together since just before E was born. Yes, its been a very long time. We've had opportunities with our last babysitter but always hovered a bit closer to home. Preferring to just catch dinner and cruise around Chapters and get a latte and some books. We'll see if we actually take the bait and see the flick.

The plan for the day:

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/coffee & vitamins
Snack: Something small at Denise's
Lunch: Shredded chicken and greens in an Ezekiel wrap with a cup of beef barley soup
Dinner: Out somewhere....I'll eat clean (no sauces) and cut the meal in half before I dig in.

Exercise: I've got to finish tidying the house before the babysitter arrives so I'll likely just do that. I'm running on my own at Club tomorrow since Lindsay said she wouldn't be able to make it so that will be a tough 6K because I will not have conversation to distract me from the hills.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Follow up

Sad news indeed, another shrug. Another angle that I can check off. Its not my thyroid. Odd thing was, this doctor confused me even more than well, my symptoms. She claimed I was not low but high. Um? Not what the last four doctors reported. I walked out wondering if she knew who the current Prime Minister was or today's date? Why would four doctors tell me I was low when she said borderline high. Interesting? Not! Just very frustrating.

So now I've got one more specialist. This doctor actually specializes in Perimenopaus and Menopause. Such a pain given that this doctor is terribly exclusive. I've researched him. His pedigree is impressive. He is the most studied doctor in his field available in Toronto and the GTA. His credentials also mean that I'll be paying through the nose for his care before he even looks at my lab results. Oh well, I've done my homework. Gone at it from every possible angle with specialists. I shouldn't feel guilty for seeking him out at the expense.

If one more doctor turn and asks me if I'm depressed I am going to launch a fist! I'm not depressed...I'm pissed. Seriously! When in doubt, blame the patient? Do they actually teach that in med school? I've got hotflashes, night sweats, dry eyes and dry other things (sorry lots of info there) my hair is thinning and my scalp hurts whenever I get my period. I have little to zero interest in sex and a constant feeling of fatigue after doing only half what a normal person could do in a day.

I get anxious and frustrated easily before my gee I guess that makes me a women. Sad, only when something upsets me and that's few and far in between. Think of death only when someone around me has kicked it or been diagnosed with something fatal. Confused, only when someone tells a blonde joke that I haven't heard before. Forgetful, yeah..some days worse than others. I get angry and frustrated with my kids but then what mom doesn't? My kids are challenging but I'd be beaten in a show of hands if I make that declaration in a room filled with moms.

So you tell me, cause if I'm depressed, give me the freak'n horse pill of happiness cause I've got housework looming.

When the phone rings

For those of you who know me well, know that when the phone rings I cringe. I have this odd fear of the phone. I actually dread having to answer the phone. Its not the person that calls its the use of the phone. I think it comes from years of office work. Being on the front line of what could potentially be a career ending conversation, time and again.

Yesterday, that stupid phone would not stop ringing. It was one thing after another. First the doctor that we were set up to see for E. had to reschedule the appointment that I so painstakingly arranged. So now I've got to use the phone again to make yet another uncomfortable call to the babysitter that is likely getting pretty fed up with all the "changes" to this date. I don't blame her. I am being made to sound flaky because other people cannot arrange their calendars better.

Then a few more annoying calls. Some of which I was sure were telemarketers...yep still! Then the last call which turned the week on its ear. My specialist appointment. Originally, the appointment that I've been waiting 3-4 months for set for late October has been inching up the calendar day-by-day with each cancelation to the doctors roster. Well that call came yesterday just after nap time while I was still groggy with sleep. The call I had actually been waiting for. Just as huband requests time off in October so that I can go speak to this doctor sans kidlets. Now the doctor will see me TOMORROW! Which of course is actually today. Drop everything, hubby stay home. I'm up to bat with little-to-no notice.

So now I'm actually a nervous wreck. I am desperate for answers. I've been sick for so long and so far nothing that I've chased down has worked. No one has any answers for me. Is it perimenopaus or thyroid issues? Too many symptoms to be so easily ignored. My life and family suffer because I deal with my days much the same way a person with a chronic ailment deals with theirs.

I wake up each day with an energy/morale load of 10. There are only 4 or 5 things in the day that I can accomplish. 4 only if one of them is something physically challenging. Once I have reached that 5 in exertion that's it. Its not right and its not normal. I get sadder with every day that passes when that exertion level is reached. Naps are mandatory. I don't like the time lost to them. There is no luxury in a nap for me. My frustration at things left undone. Time not spent with my family. The things that aren't organized or accomplished overwhelm me.

So there is a lot of hope pinned on this doctor. Wish me luck.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Oh my where the heck did the day go? I was in bed late last night due to run club and then sitting and slurping my coffee. The run last night was awesome. Misty declared it to be 6K. It actually started out cold and we were running just to warm up. In two minutes, we felt great. Running in the dark takes some getting used to.

Up at 6:30 this morning. Yep, slept in a bit. So did husband, he scrambled around getting ready while I got L his cereal and attempted to make coffee. The coffee was ok though I didn't get a chance to enjoy it. I scarfed down my oatmeal and wrangled the kids into their clothes. It was picture day for E. so you know that took some extra care. He looked so cute. I can't wait to see those pictures.

I had most of my gym bag packed and waiting by the door. I was hesitating on going since I was so low energy but L looked up at me and said "Mommy, we go to the fitness?" How could I say no?

The workout was pretty good. Ran for 20 mins (not real running so I don't feel guilty). Ran 4K then headed to the weight room and did a chest, ab and arm work out. Bumped into Cheryl, Hi Cheryl! *waving* Had a nice chat and then realized that I was running late....again! Didn't have time to change out of my gear. Yuck! Grabbed L up and headed out. Grabbed a Tim's on the way to make up for the coffee I didn't really get this morning.

Stood outside the gate and watched the kids play. Its amazing how big they've gotten in just one year. Even E. has grown an inch or two. Soon he'll be in grade one and will not want me to hang around watching over him. Too bad, its going to happen anyway. Just from a larger distance so that he can feel "cool".

The plan for the day:

Breakfast: Oatmeal, flaxseed, raisins & agave nectar (coffee that I only got a couple slurps of) and vitamins

Snack: planned kashi bar and coffee but only drank the coffee

Lunch: 2 cups of home made beef barley and an apple with almond butter (my new favourite snack!)

Dinner: Individual chicken pot pies w/green salad

Snack: Popcorn & diet coke while I watch the boob tube. If I wind up knitting in bed then I'll just have tea.

Its hump day. Means the week is half over!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


another terrible night of sleep. This time I actually slept but the dreams were outter-limits! Really violent and suspenseful. They would have made for a great thriller flick but that flick was playing in my head when I really just wanted benign dreams. Think quilting, think frosting a cake or playing with the kids. Instead, I got violence. . Psychotic stalking and more than a few scenes of knife violence where people I loved we hurt and even a dog (not my own but some other dog). I had such an uneventful day that I have to seriously wonder where those thoughts came from. What they might mean? I wonder if its time to do another tv cleanse?

Today is a partial rest day because of running club tonight. I woke up a bit stiff in my hips so that means I'll be doing some stretching on and off all day. I think I'll work toward getting my scarf on the needles today too since today is largely a slothy day. I went to do it last night but found that I still had the remains of another project on there. I'll have to finish that one or tear it back and wind it up and proceed. I've almost forgotten what I was doing with that block. Huh? I must be losing it!

Ok here's the menu for the day:

Breakfast: yogurt/fruit smoothie, coffee and vitamins

Snack: Kashi bar w/tea

Lunch: Egg salad in an Ezekiel wrap (made of more egg whites than yolks and half fat mayo and plain yogurt)w/mixed greens.

Dinner: Home-made beef barley soup w/whole wheat bagel.

For exercise: I would expect that Misty will have us run a bit further than the 5K we've worked up to and because of the intense leg workout yesterday I'm just going to leave it at that. I'll putter around the house and spend most of it on my feet. That ought to be enough activity.

Ok I've got to get my day in gear. I'll report on my successes later...(note the positive thinking!) Ciao!