Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Message in a Virtual Bottle

I'm a bit of an orphan, really. The only family that I can lay claim to right now would be my own little brood and my Father. All other relations were shed or lost a long my life's journey. I've always thought about them. Missed having some of them in my life.

Through the miracle/curse of Facebook I think I may have found my 1st cousin on my mother's side. Cindy. We were as thick as thieves growing up. She was like my sister. We were often mistaken for twins but I believe that was due more to us both being short thin blonds but we did actually dress alike though not identical (we were close not idiots LOL). In many circumstances we were inseparable even though we lived very different lives.

When I moved to Winnipeg at 18/19 I left much of my life behind. Painful family ties were severed for the sake of my sanity. With that decision I took on collateral damage. I lost much of my old friends and support system due to that distance and the fact that I was working full-time to be a starving artist student. I couldn't afford the long distance bills and after a time even writing seemed pointless. The drift had occurred. I was also protecting my location from some of these people because I didn't want other family members following me to my new sanctuary. I was there to start a new life.

I've already sent her the virtual message in a bottle after being so happy to just find her and typical to me, without deeper thought. I now wonder if I'm ready to open that door again even though I've missed her so terribly all these years. She's got kids and a life that I know very little about. She has no idea that I'm not in Winnipeg any more and that I've married and had my children. Can she tell me what I need to know? Would that information devastate me? Would it open old wounds? Would it be cathartic? Is this my opportunity to correct a lifetime of regret or to cause more?

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