I am waiting somewhat impatiently for my rice dish to finish doing its thing and in the 35 minutes that I have left before I can dart up the stairs and put my head on my pillow, I decided to catch up with my thoughts.
I am proud of the good start for this week. Its hard for me to eat breakfast as I am just not hungry in the morning but that likely has more to do with the fact that I have fallen so far off of my healthy eating plan that it will take a few weeks for my body to get back on its eating schedule. No matter, I am doing it now, that's what counts.
I did get my running around done and some cleaning accomplished. Half of our dinner is ready and the other part just needs to kiss the grill for 15 minutes to be finished. I will make the brownies when I get up while I am in the kitchen watching L. eat his supper. Perhaps I will get him to help me (make a mess that is). Have gotten my water in and am wearing a rut to the bathroom. Hey maybe if I drink more water and wear the carpet outright I can convince hubby into replacing it with hardwood! Right, well, I can dream.
During my grocery trip I did something that was so typically me. The klutz that I am. I was trying to wrangle a 40lb bag of "lite" dog food (nothing light about a 40lb bag of loosely packed kibble) on to the bottom of the car under the boys feet and I smacked the bridge of my nose right on the handle of the cart! I'm sure that many "blue" words crossed my lips but obviously my boys have more social graces than their mother because they just pretended to be absorbed in the store flyer. Have I mentioned how much I love my boys?
When I righted myself, clutching my nose! Both boys looked at me like they were going to cry. E. offered me a band aid and L, demanded to kiss the boo boo. I could have cried, both in pain and the sweetness that my kids exuded. I swear sometimes they are like candy! Luckily, it wasn't broken nor will it bruise but it still aches. I should have gotten half of it lopped off years ago when I was offered the surgery! Who the hell cares if it would alter my singing voice. Fancy lot anyone ever hears it.
I am just feeling a little melancholy now. Of course my son picks a task for me to accomplish right when its time for naps. He is really into Archery right now and requested that I make him a bow and arrow (yeah because I am some sort of Macgyver and can just create these toys with my bare hands and a few Popsicle sticks!) When I tried with diminishing patience to explain to him that I would be unable to do that and that perhaps it would be nice craft project for after Karate, he started a bit of a tantrum stating that he was going to run away. Yep, I guess he's at that magic age.
It made me sad because I remembered how I used to say those things to my mom. It must have hurt her a lot. Now I am on the receiving end and part of me sort of panicked remembering that little boy who died last Thanksgiving when he ran away and was found dead from exposure just outside Barrie. Now I know its a leap but I remember that his parents tried to call his bluff and said something along the lines of..."ok, see yah later". And those were their final words.
I immediately scooped him up and told E. that I would be so very sad if he ever went away. That we'd miss him so much that we'd never be happy again. I doubt that he really understands the weight of the topic but at least he'll remember what I said....I hope.
Now I am thinking about my mom. I miss her.
Day 16 – 18: a San Francisco weekend
12 hours ago