Then I flashed back to some of my first days of school. The sick stomach jitters. The pride of wearing a great new outfit picked out special for the day. That strung out feeling from a sleepless or restless night. The anticipation of meeting up with my old school chums.
What I loved most was the feeling that everything was new and had endless potential. That I could recreate who I was and what I could do and be.
I'm envious of him in that way. I wish I could do it all over again. Of course armed with all the knowledge I have now. Then I could just relax and know that regardless of the bumpy parts, that everything really does shake out. I could enjoy my friends. Study freely without worry and live in the moment. Shame that we can't be given these gifts up front.
We struck out with enough time to take pictures and to amble our way to his new school. Then we stood among the other confused parents and kids until the teachers came out with their class lists. E's teacher is younger than me, thin and blonde. He'll love her. Really, he'll be so smitten that he'll be on his best behaviour. *grin* He's so predictable that way.
After an introduction and a few questions about pick-up arrangements, he lined up with the other confused, nervous boys and started chattering away. I gave him a fast peck and told him we'd be back at the home time bell to get him. He seemed so confident. So at home in his own skin. I felt a tug at my heart. Mom, isn't as necessary as she used to be. It's the natural order of things. I'm immensely proud of him and who he is becoming. I held on to L's hand and we backed off and headed home.
I don't know whether or not this experiment will work. I don't know if this is a good place for him or not but I know more this year and I know that so long as we take care, things will work out, one way or another. I have enough faith for all of us.