Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Motherhood, The Truth.

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed.  ~Linda Wooten

You know I make a lot of jokes about motherhood being like a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome.  I get frustrated and a little flustered from time-to-time but here is the straight story about how I really feel about my job.

I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with moms nearly every day.  Some have newborns, some have kids just entering puberty and some that are all grown up and have flown the nest.  I even have some friends that have kids in all those stages of life.  There is one thing that can be equally said of us.  We all balance our days with taking care of them, our spouses, the house, the pets, and lastly ourselves.  We do these things in this order.  Why?  Because by the call of nature, this is the order of our lives.  When we see that the stick turns a different colour we instinctively put down our own needs in the service of a greater good.  The time honoured role of simply being "mom".

When I felt my first son, a tiny flutter, or rather it felt more like a tiny air bubble tickling the inside of my womb.  I just knew that I'd lay down my life to protect that little being in an instant and without conscious thought if the event ever manifested itself.  That is a fact I have never questioned.  I also realized that being a mom has been the only thing I've ever really wanted for my life.  Not riches or career status.  There isn't anything that money could buy that could persuade me to give up this post.  Nothing.

My kids are my everything.  Now I love my husband and he knows it's depth but the love I have for my kids is visceral.  I'd defend them with a force that couldn't be contained.  I stand watch over them in sickness and health.  I gently guide them through their day and evening.  I shield them through the night in the face of bad dreams.  Welcome their smiling faces at obscenely early hours of the morning when the chance to sleep in was  possible.  I have even had a fight with their dad,  in a sleep-deprived haze, over who would get to comfort E one night when he had a bad dream and woke crying.  They know that I'd move heaven and earth for them and if there was any doubt about that, certainly I've reminded them every day of their lives and will continue to do so.

I don't need a day to give reverence to what I do.  I don't expect a thank you or a reward.  I do what I do freely and with everything that is in my body and soul.  Sometimes I may crave some peace and quiet.  Sometimes I may make jokes that they are driving me crazy and it's a short trip.  Sometimes I may even be excited that it's date night and the babysitter has just rung the door bell.  But here's the thing...I never ever stop being a mom.  They are never out of my mind.  I am always thinking of them, concerned for them, loving them.  Always.  That's just how I feel.  What my husband, their father feels is a mirrored force.  My kids don't want for love or nurturing, that's for sure.

I wish that every child, ever born is as loved as mine.  Sadly, we know this isn't the case.   I shake my head.  I wonder how that could possibly be.  The thought tears this mother's heart.

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