Indelible

I've been lost in my thoughts a lot lately.  Not being able to put my thumb on one feeling longer than a fleeting moment.  Ups and downs, happiness and deep reflection.  There has been much to say but no reasonable way to put it into words.  Well until today.  I was poking around in between busy tasks on Facebook and there it was.  Staring up from the electronic page.  The awful news that someone I was acquainted with in the cyber world had died.  Not just an accident or an illness but she died of desperation.  No one seemed to see it coming.

I only knew her as a kind and generous person.  I've read the wonderful words written about this friend.  She was a supportive, caring person.  From her pictures she emitted such warmth.  She is survived now by her husband and her children.  I can only imagine now what her family and loved ones must be feeling.  I hardly knew her but her story writes on my wall of who I am.  She likely had no way of knowing how much and how many she would touch with her life.  Her passing has now doubled that.

The thoughts I've been thinking about while on my Lenten Journey have been about my relationships and my deeds.  What I've grown past and what still lies ahead and how I want to get there.  How in my life I've known a great many people and they've come into and out of my life for so many reasons.  Each person writing on wall of who I'd be.  Who I am now.  What role I played in the relationship and what I'd do differently if I had the chance.

What do I bring to the table?  What makes me, me, when no one is watching?  I believe we all ask these questions of ourselves.  We all deliberate over our outer truths and our inner demons.  Such a juxtaposition of selves.  The good.  The bad.  Somewhere in between, Ātman.


Who's life will I touch today and why?  Will it be positive?  Will it be indelible?