My daily life. The struggles, successes and things that make me smile
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tonight is the night I get to step outside the Mommy/Parent role for a couple of hours and get to stroll through yesteryear...that life I had before the kids. Though now it's calculated. There are rules of engagement. It's an exercise in making sure that we don't discuss the kids and don't go to kid friendly restaurants or movies. The rut having worn deep that leads to East Side Mario's. We make sure we don't pick things up for them while we are out, should we find ourselves shopping. We do allow ourselves a chance to peek at the cell phones to make sure we haven't missed a desperate call from the babysitter, because well, we aren't heartless *giggle*
Date nights are few and far in between this year. Our calendar has been nearly filled to capacity since the beginning of the school year. If there isn't a club, ball game, practice, lesson or meeting then its downtime we use to catch up with housework, homework and sleep. When we do find a night together we sit in a daze wondering what it is we are forgetting to do. Clearly we need a break from this dizzying schedule. Tonight's excuse is that tomorrow is my birthday. So tonight I pick the activity. I am at a loss. There is just so much that I'd like to do with the freedom.
A few years ago, when we'd get a babysitter, the first impulse would be to pull the car up in a dark secluded place and do something that we had not done for years, something delicious and nearly taboo.....sleep. Ah, how times have changed. Both boys were always really good sleepers but chasing them around day-in and day-out was exhausting. Oddly, it still is but I guess I've grown hungrier for things other than sleeping. Like peace and quiet. It had crossed my mind to go and sit in the library and bury my nose in a book I wasn't interested in and just lap up the silence. Almost the way a perv goes around in the cover of night and surreptitiously peeks in women's windows.
Then there is shopping and trying things on. For hours on end. Combing through racks and shelves looking at everything every store has without hearing my boys bicker. Or having to keep on eye on them, for fear that they'd wander off or having them shadow me so closely that I have to watch my step, for fear of someone snatching them. Being a mother has, I fear, permanently altered my thought patterns. There is no more just being me. At peace. Just still. Just quiet. Now I'm a guard dog. Always on watch, always ready to rip some one's arm off at the shoulder and beat them with it, should they look at my kids sideways. Ah, the joys of motherhood. That is certainly a side of having those precious babies that the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" didn't cast a light on.
So? What shall I do with my few meager hours off with this man that I choose to spend my life with? That man that still makes my heart skip a beat when I see him. The man that decided to make this life with me...to have these kids, the same kids we are trying to escape (from time-to-time). What shall we do?