Katie's Cupcake Diaries

The Upside of Anger

2012-01-31T17:08:00.000-05:00

For a great while now I've been struggling with something that makes me really sad and angry. I avoid confrontations because I fear what I'll say or do. When someone truly deserves it, I hold it in because I don't like the what becomes of me. So I try to avoid drama in my life. To avoid it I try to make a concerted effort to treat people as I would want to be treated. I show loyalty and respect to those I love. Would go to the deuces to have someone's back. But yet it still finds me. More so, it may actually be that I have a way of overreacting to it. I'm sure everyone has their fair share of it in their day-to-day lives. For me however, it's fight or flight. I can go from zero to sixty, in no time flat. Likely have always done so but as an adult it's becoming more apparent and more shameful.

At least I feel shameful about it. At this late an age why is it that certain things and certain people still have the ability to run roughshod over me? The truth is that the person who likes to stir the pot ought to feel the shame but she only does it because she knows she can. She has gotten the better of me and that I'm afraid is my fault. She knows that I will not unleash on her. It makes me appear weak. She found the chink in my armour. Time to get new armour.

The things I'm learning from this:

Loyalty: A forgotten character trait.
Trust: Must be earned. It is no longer a given at the beginning of any relationship.
Actions: Speak the truth about one's character, before one can defend their actions with justification.
That standing your ground and having faith in yourself is sometimes the only thing you have.
That I'll be unleashing that ugly side of me in order to preserve the better side of me (but only to the truly deserving of it).
That in the face of adversity you can be fortified. I'm fiercer and more motivated to smash every single one of my goals now than I was yesterday.

So dear "frenemy" and "pot stirrer" thank you. Through your lack of ethics, loyalty and your poor character along with your petty actions you've made me bigger, stronger and more successful than I would have been without you. I'm bringing my A game. What have you got?

Better not flinch!

The World Outside Ourselves

2012-01-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it's very easy to get so wrapped up in our own struggles that we forget that there are others in the world who have it a little worse. Sometimes a whole lot worse. When I was young I had a lot of hurts. Nothing was ever easy. I lived by the mantra that what didn't kill me made me stronger. I had always been torn between religion and spirituality and the "modern' world and what was "my" world. It was really easy to be secular because in my youth I didn't see the bigger picture. It didn't feel as if I had any community. I had no way of knowing that if I reached out anyone would care.

I've been following the lives of a family living with the truth that their daughter is battling for her life against a genetic disease. The normal lifespan for a child with this disease is 18 months. Years ago I would have viewed their plight as one of the saddest stories. I wouldn't have fully grasped what they were going through. I still don't. I'm not in their shoes, not by a long shot but I am a parent who worries endlessly about her choices for her children. I worry endlessly about how my parenting will effect them. Am I giving them all that I can? Should I have done something different? I'm not struggling with whether to hold back food to my dying child so that she can breathe better as she fades away. I can't even imagine what it would be like to gaze down into my sleeping child's face and know that one day the disease would take her away and knowing that time is coming fast.

Through reading their story I've had confirmed some things I always wanted to believe were true. That the love of a parent for a child is the strongest force on earth. Secondly, that we are not alone, not in our regular live-a-day lives or in the dire circumstances of losing a child, spouse or parent. There is a community out there. There are good people who are ready to help you stand stronger while struggle through your own personal hell. There are people who will arrange meals to be delivered so that you don't have to even think about nourishing your own body. There are people who will stand outside your home with lit candles to remind you that you matter. That they support you, that you still belong to the whole, no matter what. That there are more of these wonderful people than there are bad people.

Can it be possible to wear your heart outside your body and still survive? What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. My faith in humanity, community and love, is making me stronger though it hurts like hell.

We are all connected by a something much larger than ourselves. My faith has been fortified. My strength restored. All of my thoughts and prayers are with this family. They are far away from me but they are still out there, in the world beyond myself but my love and best wishes will reach them. I have faith in that.

The Power of Getting Organized

2012-01-16T18:51:00.001-05:00

It seems January has been paying off in cold weather and organization. Perhaps being kept in on these frigid days is what is prompting the new spurt of getting it "together". A few days ago I sat down and mapped out the menus for the whole month. So far we've been on track and pleased with the results. The move toward 100% homemade foods has been a happy transition. Ok so I don't make my own pasta unless its gnocchi but I do make all my own breads and will be going back to making my own kefir and yogurts again. The idea is to minimize the unnecessary add-ins. You know, that special laboratory creation that is now what stores like to call bread or cheese spread.

There was push-back from the kids but after a week of "lump it or leave it", I am no longer creating two separate meals. Except for when I make pizza where I will make them just a four cheese pie rather than a special adult creation with onions and olives. It's a nice relief for me to be able to get a meal on the table without that feeling of juggling spinning plates. It's too much like my days in a commercial kitchen during dinner rush. I gave up the paycheck some many years ago....so revisiting the stress each night seemed so ridiculous.

My husband has even joined in and has cleaned out our walk-in closet. Now we can really walk in! It's amazing how wonderful the carpet looks in there. It's pristine, what with the fact that it hasn't been walked on in 4 years! Seriously, K did a fabulous job. I've got clothes hanging up that I only vaguely remember.

It doesn't end there. I've even got my work schedule mapped out pretty well. I was feeling incredibly burned out before Christmas. It wasn't the amount of work that caused it. It wasn't the work at all. It was the fact that I was fighting to keep all these spinning plates in the air that I just didn't feel like I ever had time for myself. Then when it was time to get something done, I'd just totally dreaded it. Even things that I liked!

I like this new map-it-out plan. It's been a slice of heaven this month even in the light that I've added in so many more tasks. Baking, cooking all these meals, working on old projects to clear them out. Fitting in the occasional run with a friend just to chat. Heck, once I'm done this post I'm going off to soak in the tub with wine. WOW!

You're likely wondering why I'm using up my time here...good point. Chow!

On This Day in January

2012-01-07T19:46:00.000-05:00

We got winter weather shortly after Christmas but sadly it didn't last. We got that wintery blast that always reminds me of home (WPG) but it was a twelve hour affair, not that I mind that moving off to some place better suited.

Running at dawn down a country road in Durham Region I had many opportunities to take in the landscape. This time last year I was out in snowshoes embarking on a new winter sport. This year I'm wearing my fall run gear and enjoying 16K while looking at the mist hanging thickly over the stubble in the farmer's fields. I am enjoying this warm spell. I know full well it may not last. I know that spring is not around the corner thought this time of year I usually get cabin fever and start planning my gardens.

I felt so peaceful this morning that I was quiet and ran by myself for much of the run. Just taking in the moment. Wishing there were a way of capturing it without spoiling it. I was happy to be out running after taking an unexpected holiday from it. I was even happier that the weather was mild. In due time, I'll be out in my snowshoes. Today was a state of suspended animation. I was caught between two seasons. Serendipity.

Holiday in Review

2011-12-26T12:21:00.001-05:00

Oh Boxing Day. In our house this is the day to stay in PJ's. Graze freely from the fridge and to process the turkey carcass. This year isn't all that different except we have the plague in our house. My eldest son was sick the Monday before Christmas, silly me, I assumed that the virus had passed and we'd be germ free for Christmas. Nope. Proved very wrong. We were on our way to having a very pleasant, albeit, subdued holiday when in our Christmas best at Christmas Eve mass, our eldest son was once again stricken with the "hum bug".

The church was standing room only. We arrived shortly after 4:15 for the 5 pm mass and found the church already at 80% capacity. We did score sweet seats a few rows from the front so that the kids could see the goings-on. The church filled in immediately after we sat down and Father Charles started the mass early because there was no sense in waiting since not a single soul more could fit under this church's rafters.

Just as the first reading was finished E looked up to my husband and said "oh no..." and gagged. Snatched out of the pew and climbing over my MIL my husband flew to the back of the church and cut through the crowd at the back of the church just in time to get him secured in the bathroom. Ten minutes later, we were all leaving church early to get E home and to the safety of the couch.

The only thing we could do was to proceed with our evening. Though at this point we were somewhat less buoyed This is a sad Christmas for our family. My husband and his mother are in a lot of pain. The loss of my father-in-law is being keenly felt this year. Even the excitement of the one remaining child at the table wasn't enough to keep the mood light. Still when you consider it, subdued is still far better than bleak and and still better than none. We did have the occasion to share some stories about past Christmases with my father-in-law that brought us all a smile and some laughter.

The Christmas rites still adhered to, as was right. We went to bed only to be up a lot during the night with our sick little dude. Christmas morning found us tired but still very happy that Santa had come. Good thing he brought some video games. E had no more energy than to lay on his side, on the couch, for the lion share of the day. My youngest came out of his room wearing his fireman hat and jacket all set to open gifts and that was exactly what he did. I had to share the picture with my friends. I was so sure he was in costume and set to put out the next pair of oven mitts that I managed to set on fire. The last pair were ignited when my gloved hand touched the top element of the oven when pulling out my duchess potatoes on Thanksgiving, giving a rather dramatic air to our holiday meal.

A mostly lazy day found the healthy of us having breakfast and occupied in play. I got to wrestle my turkey from the 32 quart water canner which I used as my brining vessel. I love that it's usually so cold in Ontario that it can be placed on the deck for ease of access, instead of taking up room in the fridge or having to navigate the garage. The bird once roasted was glorious and way too big for our needs since only two of us were eating and even still when the two had now seriously impaired appetites due to the spread of the kid cooties.

Today is a day of more industry. The process of making turkey stock and soup has started. Later, if there is time I will drag out my pressure canner and put up some litres of stock and some pints of turkey soup. Knitting is my biggest time filler. I am determined to get this project finished. I'll have to search the house but I'm sure that I only have three more skeins of this wool and that will mark the completion.

This week is dedicated largely to a few small projects that I never really had time for. The rest will be spent horsing around with my dudes. I hope that the plague lifts quickly. Still no snow. This is a big disappointment for me. I was really looking forward to spending some time on the toboggan and on the trails in my snowshoes.

The holiday winding down here. It wasn't an A+ holiday but it is unrealistic to think every year will be a Norman Rockwell scene. I reminded my husband that in time we'd sit back over another holiday meal and see this year's holiday with some humour. We'd laugh about the "hum bug". We'd chuckle at the picture of L in his fireman costume. The big brown marks the dogs Christmas chewy bones made. We'd remember where we'd come from, what we went through, and that we'd gotten through it as a team. That is what the comfort of family brings. Shared history.

All I Want for Christmas

2011-12-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

I hate being asked what I want for Christmas. I always draw a complete blank. I like to interpret that blank as meaning that I don't need anything more than what I've already got.

This morning I got up and got my usual cup of coffee and was poking through the facebook statuses when I came across one that said "how would you feel if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday?" I paused with that thought. Yes, it's a good thought. What did I thank God for yesterday? Well I can tell you what I didn't thank God for...I didn't thank him for jewellery, botox or cars. Expensive purses or smart phones. A house that's too big to clean, in the time span of one morning.

I've got just what I need. I have the love a great man. Two wonderful kids. Enough food to eat and a warm disorganized house. Friends whom I love and respect. The skills to survive and make beautiful things from scraps that someone else might discard. The God's good sense to enjoy what is put before me without tearing it apart to make something that could never be, as good as, the real thing.

Other than that....all I've asked for is snow. I'd really like to have a White Christmas to marvel.

What Remains

2011-12-13T20:09:00.000-05:00

We are only 11 days away now. The excitment in my house is tangible. I know I've already said how much I'm enjoying this year. The credit belongs to my children. Their smiles are infectious. Over the last month I've been more preoccupied. Every now and then I get a flash of a memory that was long tucked away for safe keeping. Since having my children I've been trying hard to remember what it was like to be a child. Though for me, a lot of my childhood memories aren't Sugar Plum Fairy type of memories but if I work a little harder I can unearth a time when I had that innocent wonder-filled joy.

The Christmases I like to recall were the ones when I was very young. While I still believed in Santa. When my family was still in one piece and happy, well as happy as I could remember them ever being. When I thought the most wonderful sight I'd ever seen was the warm light of our Christmas Tree or the lights on my neighbour's houses. I can still remember the songs that would fill the house. My mother had a few Christmas 8-Track cassettes and they played in that endless loop. She would sing away with them and I'd try to follow a long as I could. I remember colouring feverishly in a Christmas colouring book with a new huge pack of crayons on the living room floor while my mother whirled around in a fit of housework and festive preparation.

There were the Christmas Cookie bake-a-thons. Then being bundled up in coats, hats and mittens and being driven up the street to where my Great Grandfather lived with is common-law wife. He hated us (and most people in general) and was as surly as a man could be. How Anne came to love him, I'll never know. She was one of the kindest people. We'd make sure his car wasn't there and then we'd go in for a very short visit and give her a tin of what we had just created. She'd give us a tiny Christmas treat in return.

I also remember once helping to clear the kitchen after dinners leading up to the special day and hear snowballs hit the kitchen window. My mother would say that was Santa's elf letting us know that he had been watching us being good and helpful. That we should make sure that we were good so that Santa would visit. Now I realize that my father must have snuck out the front door and circled around the house to throw that snowball at the window. My father's work Christmas Parties were fabulous. They were balls and each employee's child would get these very large presents. I do recall one year getting the most beautiful baby doll and coming home half asleep and having my parents discover that the cat had dragged down the Christmas Tree and broken her favourite nativity bulb.

I remember my mother's skilled hands preparing the big Turkeys. She would cook up a storm and it would be marvelous. The Christmas dinners were events onto themselves. The relatives that would flow in and out of the house over the three days surrounding Christmas. Especially, my Uncle Paul who would show up in Santa suit each year and give us a pair of handmade mittens as presents. I always loved when my Grandma and Grandpa Westlake would arrive. There is nothing better in the entire world than the hugs my Grandma would insist on. The whisker rub my Grandpa gave us. I don't really remember any of the presents they gave me but their just being there was what I treasured most because it is what I remember best. I do miss them horribly.

It has not been lost on me that my eldest son is at the same age I was when my family imploded. That at that very tender age nothing had that child-like innocence anymore. I marvel at how young my son is. I always remember me being older at that age (I know that's odd). I wonder what he will remember when he's old like me and has kids of his own. I have been making a very big point of making each Christmas something special to remember. Every season packed with so many things and events. I can't improve upon what I remember but I can guarantee that my boys have it better. I'm lucky, I get to build much better memories thanks to them.

Where the Heart is...

2011-12-04T14:59:00.000-05:00

There are parts of the Christmas Season that even this newly reborn Christmas lover still strongly dislikes. Grocery shopping #1 and its horrid companion, the parking lot!!! Today was the day, though not the actual Christmas grocery shopping trip but more of a preliminary. We headed out as a family to get the job done because there are just some decisions that need to be made as a family and I find that the meals I make get eaten better by the kids if they help to gather the ingredients.

Husband usually takes the kids off on the "odd" job to get soap or toilet paper then comes back with them in tow to put the item in the cart and then get the next assignment. This keeps them active and well behaved and gives me the chance to get the other things on the list and to prowl the aisles to see what I've forgotten to put on the list.

Today he treated the kids to a few minutes in the toy aisle, as a reward for the hard work helping to get all the assigned items. Now, a few of you know that my husband lost his beloved father last December before Christmas. He's been very sad this whole year but as we come closer to the anniversary of the sad occasion he has been a little less patient and a lot more solemn. Trust that we understand and have been allowing him to set his pace and mood for the season. In truth, his muted mood has been well disguised by my insane Christmasy mood this year.

It was there, in that toy aisle that my husband found his Christmas Spirit. He said that he was just standing there watching the kids point out to each other one cool toy after another. They were going nuts he said. Then our youngest held up a Star Wars mask by the box and held it over his face while he played with a light saber that made the noise as he waved it about madly. I wasn't there but I could well imagine his expression as he watched his child "make due" with the unpurchased toys. I'm so happy we all went together. We managed to find something that wasn't on my list.

He's actually gone back to that store to purchase those things because he wants to remember that moment. The moment when his heart put aside the pain to find a moment that would have made his own father laugh heartily.

Arghhh Harshing my Christmas Mellow!

2011-12-01T11:02:00.000-05:00

I've got Christmas fever of that there is no denying it. I hum Christmas tunes all the time and when I think I'm alone I bust out at full capacity some of my very favourites. Sorry neighbours and fellow drivers! Cheerful while I shop. Opening doors for people who cut in front of me in their haste. Yep, they can't get to me. Even the school parking lot isn't putting a dent or scratch in my smile, though it still causes grey hair.

Yesterday it was snowing and I was on a mission to try and start the kids "list". I spent about 5 minutes just sitting in the car watching the snowflakes hit the windows and melt away. Marveled at how fast the world got a pristine coating of white. Suddenly, the world was full of cheerful promise. I just kept imagining how great it would be if we got enough snow for the kids and I to play in. I took a little trip down memory lane to all the times that I played for hours in the cold. Not returning back indoors until every inch of fabric on my body was soaked with melted snow. The smell of wet mittens on the furnace vents. Remembering the milk bags I used to use as boot liners because boots were never really water resistant. Have they improved that yet?

I was tidying up some of the boxes left from the Christmas tree decorations and poking about in the basement when I found another box of decorations. I brought them upstairs all excited until I took out my Christmas Frog and realized that I don't have a single place to put him. See, my house is cluttered. I have to confess that I'm not very good at organizing my stuff. So where ever I tried to put Christmas Froggy I had to shift a stack of books and papers. To put Father Christmas out I had to move my husband's netbook and the remotes. I'm still not sure where I'll put the rest of that stuff.

The clutter in my house harshes my mellow on the best of occasions. Christmas only highlights how much of a problem it is. In 24 days there will be more stuff coming in and fewer and fewer places to tuck it. So for the next 23 days I'm going to pitch out a box of stuff each day. Who knows it may be the best gift I give myself this year. Good thing is that I can still sing my Christmas tunes while I do that work.

The Rumblings of Christmas Spirit

2011-11-25T10:48:00.001-05:00

I'm not a Scrooge or anything. I'm not the most Christmasy person either. Truth be told its not my favourite holiday. I love decorating and cooking and the general merriment. Though, in my opinion, and likely from too much exposure to the media, it feels like its top heavy on consumerism. The gap growing each year between what that elusive true meaning of the season and what is now the new meaning of this Holiday.

This year to fight against my own cynicism, I'm doing things my way. The focus this year for Christmas is not what I'll be shopping for but rather what we'll be doing together as a family. Far away from the shopping malls. Oh sure, normally, I will not even listen to holiday songs until December 1st. I did however, find myself channel surfing in the car again this week and have left it on a Christmas carol or two. OK, so I'm a sucker for a song that takes me back to a time when Christmas was really special to me. A time when it was pure magic. Untainted by what I know now. I find the religious songs to be my favourite now.

To make this season special and to help distill a more spirited Christmas in my family's memories we've done the Santa Parade with the homemade gingerbread cookies and hot chocolate thing. I've never seen a batch of cookies disappear so fast! Tonight we'll head into town and be present for the Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony. We'll sing Christmas carols and stop into Tim's for a hot chocolate. We'll tour the neighbourhoods to take in the holiday lights.

We've already taken a slew of Christmas books from the library and have been enjoying reading all the little tales of snowmen and mice. We've found some nice books about the first Christmas. We're working hard on our Christmas lists and Santa pictures. Thinking hard about those who aren't as fortunate as we are. Working on ways that we can help provide those people with a little something to make their holiday better. Always remembering that this holiday doesn't have a "sale" sign on it. That whether there are gifts under the tree, this holiday will find us. That we need to be able to keep this holiday in our hearts first before it can go all wrapped up in pretty papers and bows.

The Christmas Spirit is rumbling it's way to the surface. Warming my heart. Bringing back the memories of what used to be good. I'm lucky, I can revisit some of that magic through my children. Teaching them what is most important about this special time of year. Giving them the best gift of all, that isn't found under a decked out tree.

Today it Snowed

2011-11-17T17:54:00.001-05:00

Fall has been dragging out as long as she can. She has blessed us with far more above seasonal days than we normally get. We actually saw an Indian Summer which melted into weeks of steely grey skies with wistful breezes to blow the leaves about. We've been fortunate.

Still it doesn't stop the kid in me from watching the sky. Wondering when those first snowflakes will appear. All day my friends just North of where I live have been reporting snow sightings. Each time I got the update through Facebook (while I was diligently working) I'd dart to the window and look out to see the spectacle just to find that Whitby was being blessed with more sunshine.

The big black clouds have loomed in the distance all day. Now with the kids home the speed of the household has kept me too busy to think about much more than just trying to stay ahead of the night time tide. Cooking, cleaning and entertaining excited children. Finally, a break. The kids upstairs playing. I snag some quiet. A hot cup of tea in hand and a pen poised to create a shopping list, I hear an ecstatic cry. "SNOW! Mommy it's snowing!" The rumble of little feet scrambling from upstairs to the main floor. More shrieking.

Assembled in front of the window with our finger tips pressed against the cold glass. A true snowfall. It was coming down heavy and being driven by a stiff wind. Snow. Finally.

I am lit up inside. Here's to new beginnings.

Toyland

2011-11-05T16:06:00.000-04:00

The TV only needs to be on for five minutes in my house and the next thing I know I'm being followed all over my house by two boys chatting me up about the latest greatest toy they've seen on whatever TV show they conjured to market this rotten little piece of future landfill fodder.

Of course these toys are made of some of the worst offending materials ever manufactured by man and chemistry. Some have been nothing short of scandalous for being painted up with lead then aimed at children who haven't made it out of the mouthing phase.

Some of these toys last for about two weeks before being broken. Anything with small parts lasts just long enough to be sucked up into the vacuum. I'm still wondering why Lego doesn't include crazy glue with their larger more elaborate sets. The Death Star doesn't really look like the imposing weapon it's supposed to be after two days with my guys. It just gets torn down to a heaping pile of shapes. There is no talking Dad into rebuilding it even if we've kept the "Sears Wish Book" of directions it comes with.

Today I had to dash into Walmart to buy a toy for a child I don't even know. I called home while wondering the aisles to ask my son what he thought his friend might like. He rattled off every toy he's ever seen this boy play with and after naming every piece of sport equipment at leisure, I was still at a loss. Now with my boys we've discovered that the box the toy comes in can often be more fun than the actual toy but that wasn't going to cut it for this classmates birthday party. I needed a plan. I needed a clue.

I started polling the unsuspecting but overwhelmed mothers that were likely wandering those aisles for the very same reason. What do you buy the boy who is very athletically inclined but likely has all that stuff? Of course they looked at me like I was crazy. My hair sticking all out of my braid and my dirty wet run gear. I'm not even going to tell you how badly I must have smelled. If I said I reeked of desperation one might think it were true.

After another couple of minutes has passed and I've picked up and put down a few more things. After a while some of these crazy toys all start to look the same. Board games have gotten complicated too. What I wouldn't have done for a light up in the dark yo-yo at this point. Do they even make those any more? Close my eyes and grab. That's it. Done. A non-decision is still a decision. Perhaps I can blame the poor choice on the child.

Purchased. Wrapped. Gift sitting in the car. My son looks up at me and says "Mom did you get James the new Bakugan Sky Raiders?"

Are you kidding me?

I'm a Lucky Girl

2011-10-30T15:07:00.001-04:00

I was watching a movie last night when really I should have been sound asleep. You'd think I'd be more eager to rest given how crazy my life has become but yet, I still fight that urge. Odd. Anyway, I was watching this movie where this woman's life is completely upended by her husband. She winds up being divorced. Then she goes on an adventure only to realize that it isn't just a trip to help her get over her hurts but it's a sign that her life belongs somewhere else. That her life has a different purpose.

I do believe in signs. I'm odd that way. Well anyway, in this movie she buys this old house and has to renovate it. Then as she's in the process of gutting and rebuilding this house she reaches new lows and wonders just exactly how dumb could she be to believe that fate had something better in store. She muses that when she had purchased this house, she dreamed of having a wedding in it. Filling it with family and friends. That's when a friend points out to her that she has all these things. She has what she wished for. It just took someone to frame it in a different light for her to see it.

When I shut off the TV and shuffled off to bed, I was thinking all that over. How its really funny that some prayers don't get answered and that some get answered so quietly that they are hard to see, especially, if one is having trouble seeing through some bit of trouble or confusion.

6:30 am I'm snapped back into consciousness by the cute little sound of L. singing a song and laughing at a knock-knock joke he told himself. Of course I thought he was adorable but I got up and whispered to him that he should be a little quieter and shut his door and went back to bed. Surrendering back into that warm dullness.

7:45 am I'm awaken by K, placing a cup off coffee on my bedside table and rubbing my back to get me to open my eyes. The countdown to our usual Sunday schedule was on. I had probably ten minutes to wake up and come down and join them in getting ready to get out the door. Not a shabby way to wake up, really. Isn't my husband fantastic? I think so!

Showered, dressed and presentable off we go. While we were in church my older son looked up at me and blew me a kiss. My heart skipped. How did I get such wonderful children? These perfect little beings.

After church, I had the chance to have breakfast and to throw on my gear and get out for a trail run with a girlfriend. The trails were so beautiful. The air chilly but once we got moving we were actually too warm. Soon, we'll just fantasize about that sensation. Everyone in the park was in excellent moods. We got to pet dogs and even managed to get off the beaten path. It turns out I know that park so much better than I would have given myself credit for. We had a great time. I love her company.

Now the Halloween preparations will be in full swing. Some pumpkin carving, pumpkin seed roasting and some decorations. A gorgeous dinner with a lovely bottle of red that I've been saving over the glow of some cheerful pumpkins. I'm in such a good mood I think I'll make my men an apple pie!

I'm a lucky girl. I know full well there are others in this world who do not have food, money or health. They may not even have family to hold on to for comfort. I am reminded today that I have all that I have wished for. I am reminded today that there is more outside of myself.

Beautiful things happen on sunny days. I'm looking forward to a nice new opportunities. Who knows what's on the wind?

This Much I Know is True.

2011-10-29T20:46:00.000-04:00

Friendship is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. - Muhammad Ali

There are some really spectacular people out there. There really are. I am so blessed to know a good deal of them. My friends inspire me. They may not know it but they make me a better person. I've learned so much from them. I've become so much because they've pushed me forward. Out of my comfort zone a good deal of the time. They've broadened my perspective, they've shown me support and allowed me to do the same. Through them I've had the chance to become a more rounded person. A more feeling person. I am uplifted.

I have a girlfriend who it seems no matter what lands on her plate she is completely unflappable. She seems quite content to allow the forces of nature gently nudge her along. She is smart and determined and a natural leader. I love her passion for life, her love of her family and her savy. She's a natural. There is no artifice with her. What you see is genuinely what you get. From her I am learning to be patient and have faith.

I have another girlfriend who is a whirlwind. When we first met, I'm not sure we liked each other much. Then as time passed and I got to know her better, I was able to understand her better. I fell into easy company with her. Turns out we had an awful lot in common. She's a strong woman. I mean true grit kinda strong. She's also just raw energy all the time. She dedicates herself to her family in a way where I am just left in awe. I often times feel like I've had too much coffee after being in her company but I like it. She is honest with her opinions. She has a way of just cutting through it and telling like it is. She keeps me honest even when I don't want to be. She pushes me to keep up with her. She ups the ante. She's a smart cookie, opinionated and brutally honest. She doesn't seem to have any time for gentle ego stroking or white lies. I like this, a lot more than I would have thought. You never need to guess where you stand with her. She's teaching me to stand stronger and have more conviction.

I have another friend whom I just feel easy with. I joked once that I wish she'd adopt me. Though I don't want her to be my mom, I just want to be in her family. She's been such a good friend. There's this thing about her that is just so completely kick ass....She may start on a challenge that perhaps would not have been her first choice but once she is committed there is absolutely no holding this woman back from achieving her goals. This woman has fought through injuries, self-doubt and frustration to get the job done. I have never seen that kind of tenacity in a person before. If it were me, I would have found a way to justify just stopping...this woman doesn't know the meaning of quit. I hope I do not rub off on her that way. She is teaching me to persevere without giving up what makes me who I am.

I should stop trying to describe all the fabulous women in my life. This blog would get really, really long. I'd also be afraid of leaving someone out. Even the ones that have hurt me beyond anything I could have imagined, have made me a better person. Perhaps some might not like knowing that but while they were in my life, I loved them so much. I still do. I have tried to deal with the pain by wanting to think ill of them. To banish them from my thoughts or memory. I just can't bring myself to do it because that would mean I'd have to deny all the wonderful things that their friendship meant to me. I just can't bring myself to cut free parts of my life that way.

We call that person who has lost his father, an orphan; and a widower that man who has lost his wife. But that man who has known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence. - Joseph Roux

I also know that as I've been hurt by a friend or two, that I'm not innocent of doing the same to others. I can fully admit that I haven't always been the best person I could be. I'm not even close to being perfect. I have reacted out of sadness and anger. I have placed faith in those who took that trust and twisted it into something ugly. Resulting in hurting others. There have been times when I should have known better but allowed myself to do things that I knew I couldn't be proud of. I'm not sure how I will ever wipe clean the slate for that.

I do not believe that friendships are disposable. I also know that sometimes they just aren't forever. That of course, people will pass through my life. They will leave indelible impressions on me. All of this shapes who I have become. How I deal with the loss reflects upon how much that person was loved and how much they will be missed. Even in my pain, despite missing them horribly I can't deny that they have brought out the best in me. I honour them.

Since there is nothing so well worth having as friends, never lose a chance to make them. - Francesco Guicciardini

When the time comes when my boys have their bonds and bumps. I want to be able to model how to be a friend. To teach them what that means. The joys and comfort and speak honestly, as well, of the pain. To show them that others often teach us more about ourselves then we could have imagined. That it's ok to put yourself out there. Never let the fear of being hurt keep you from experiencing it.

What I Did on My 8th Anniversary

2011-10-24T20:11:00.002-04:00

Eight years ago I managed somehow to wrangle a man into meeting me at the altar. He claims that he is pleasantly happy with the way things have turned out. As am I. We'd both say that though this is what we planned we never really imagined it would be quite like this!

This morning I was roused awake by a hurried hug and kiss and a "Happy Anniversary" and before I could even try to pull my eyelids open, he was gone. Making a dash with what I imagine was his umbrella, backpack and coffee cup, to work.

Struggling out of bed and into my robe, downstairs to make breakfast and herd my kids into the daily routine. That cup of coffee (made just for me) was like mother's milk. Into the groove, bags were packed. Kid's shoehorned into their jackets and off to school. All the way one or both made ridiculous knock-knock jokes. Not one of them had an actual punch line but that didn't stop the squeals of delight at their wit.

I did manage to get a little bit of work done this morning on top of consuming half a pot of coffee before tidying myself up and scarfing down lunch to head off to field trip hell. I volunteered to accompany my youngest to the Apple Orchard today. For some reason it's suspected that he would be unable to control himself on a school trip. Unnecessary foreboding. He was a total angel, needing a lot less redirection than the sum of his class. Odd. By noon, I was packed into an uncomfortable school bus seat with an obnoxious woman who stood up the entire ride taking pictures of her daughter...though cute, she seemed as annoyed by her shutter-bug mother, as the rest of us, were. I spent twenty minutes requiring jittery children to plant their butts on their seats. To stop pulling each other's hair. It was loud and oddly damp.

The orchard experience paid for itself in sleepy snuggles with L and apples which I furtively stuffed in my pockets. I also got a couple more laughs at the shutter-bug who loudly in a foreign language chatted on her cell phone for the entire time we were on the tour. The tour guide seemed to enjoy her loud squawking during her demonstration on how cider was made, on how to pick apples from the trees. This cell phone squawking, shutter bug even managed to bleat louder than the sheep before the class tossed the apple cores into their pen. Perhaps there should have been a chaperone for that mother rather than for my son? At least L didn't freely pick his nose and consume it.

The rest of the day was spent making a supper no one would really eat. In my family's haste to get to their evening activities their plates were barely touched. The Red Ninja and Red Angry Bird marched out into the night with a harassed looking Pirate. I'm pretty sure it was my husband. At least he look familiar.

The rest of the evening will be spent tidying the kitchen, doing a load of laundry and packing lunches. Putting wired and sugared up children to bed sans costumes. I will stare at the TV for a minute or two then call it a night. Hubby already sound asleep.

Eight years ago was the longest fastest day of my life. The eight years that followed flew by just as fast. It's true I never imagined life would be quite like this...I'd say it's even better! It's a good thing we had the forethought to celebrate yesterday with the notion that this day would be too full of living. It paid off.

Getting All Scrappy!

2011-10-20T18:53:00.000-04:00

This story starts with my arriving at my eldest son's school yesterday at the end of the school day. Per my normal, I'm juggling one child tugging away on one arm and my blackberry in the other trying to work and scanning the herd of kids pouring from the school's exit. I secure E, and we start to head to the parking lot when we are approached by one of E's friends and he starts to ask how E's doing and if he's OK or scared. Immediately, my mind freezes. I hear the words "will he really kill you?". WHAT???

Everything comes to a screeching halt. All I can get out of the story is that there was a much older boy threatening to kill my son at the lunch hour recess. That my son's friends were rallying around him to keep this kid away. I quickly gather up the whole gang and herd them to the office. Clearly, this is a matter that cannot wait. My son is being bullied! Something needs to be done right now!

We pour into the VP's office and give what little details we knew. We don't even know the name of the older kid. We don't know what grade or home room either. But what we have is a death threat and the fact that the perpetrator has "crazy" hair as the only working description. The VP promises to take the oldest of this group to each room in the morning to find the bully. The situation is a priority and she will update me immediately upon arriving at a conclusion.

I thank E's friends, stagger off to my car with my kids and head home feeling as if I've been kicked hard. It hadn't occurred to me that there could be a true threat of serious violence until just before I drifted off to sleep, the thought that older kids can sometimes bring weapons to schools. There have been scatterings of stories in the news over the last couple of years. Could that kind of thing happen in my own back yard? The panic set in...I was wide awake!

This morning we arrived at the school. I had a quick conference with my son's teacher. The school was on alert and we were assured that before the first recess the boy would be in the office. My husband K. and I sat in the office entertaining our youngest while E attended his regular class with the watchful eye of his teacher. We sat there. K and I were the united front. We said we'd wait even if it took all day. Three hours later we were escorted into the VP's office. Armed for confrontation we bristle.

The VP recounted this story: E had been playing over on the other side of the yard per his usual. The more rambunctious kids from E's class were tearing around the yard and ran by some older boys sitting on the school's steps talking about a video game. The suspect turned to his buddy and said something about killing the boss in his game when the kids ran by and heard "I'm going to kill...." next thing you know they are asking the boy "why are you going to kill E.?" "You can't do that!" The older boy blows them off and goes back to his teenage angst.

With their wild imaginations they tear back to where E is playing blissfully unaware of anything else and they recount this boy's threat. They pull E over to where the girls are gathered. They hide him under a coat with a stuffed animal for protection and the girls stand guard while the boys gather together a somewhat large grade two army to wage war on this older boy. After chasing the suspect around the school yard for a bit they tackle him and commence pummelling him until the guard comes over to break it up and apparently bemused by the tale she tells them to go to opposite ends of the yard and quit it.

Each time I recount the story in my mind I hear the Benny Hill theme. I chuckle though it's funny, it's not funny. This whole situation revisited a huge fear of ours. Today was an amusing story. Next time, we may not be so lucky to walk away unscathed. I also feel bad for the boy who was pounced upon in front of his friends by a bunch of 6 year-olds. That might be hard to live down.

All of the kids involved learned lessons today. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that I'll be chatting with this particular VP quite a bit for the next 9 years.

The Half of It....

2011-10-17T17:17:00.001-04:00

Prepped and Ready to Go!

I ran the Scotiabank Half Marathon. I know, I broke my rule about training in the summer but I actually didn't start training until the end of August. I was given time off of pacing the BRC to jump in with the half marathon group. I did hills and the long slow distances, as my knee, would allow. It kept me out of the speed work but I had already done a fair bit of both hill repeats and speed work during July and August. I was, as prepared as, I could be for such a spontaneous race entry.

Me with the Brooklin Run Club

Did I regret my impetuousness? Hell no! It was the best race I ever entered. It was so crowded. I don't do well in crowds but I had my club with me so I just followed them through the masses of people flowing one way, then the next. Once in the corral I settled in. I'm not nervous about races. I get nervous over getting to the race. It's the same anxiety I get when travelling. Once I'm at the starting line it's just a matter of falling into step. Which to me is just as effortless as walking off a ledge. I just let momentum take me. There are no longer any more decisions to be made. My race plan never really changes. I drink at nearly each walk break. I take a gel at my scheduled distances. I just keep on keeping.

What made this race so wonderful....the energy! The crowd was excellent. So many people out there supporting loved ones and their fellow runners. Cow bells, clappers, bull horns, car stereos, bands, dancers and balloons and flags. I clapped and danced my way through those cheer stations. I thanked supporters along the way. I took in the sights. I enjoyed myself, shamelessly.

The best part of all! I got to speak to my hero. Ed Whitlock. I spotted him in the return elite group. I was lucky enough to be running aside of the divide and I yelled to him when we were 10 yards apart. He called back to me. I just hope that was ok to do? Nonetheless, it was so cool. I loved seeing the elites run past. Relished their form. It's inspiring to see someone practice the sport they were born too. A graceful display of skill and experience. The raw competitiveness.

My friend Charmaine put it so well today after I recounted my experience on the course, as we were spinning. She very frankly said "What other sport can you participate where you share the course with World Record Holders and Olympians?" It's so true. I've never been a star struck girl. I don't think I'd ever cross the street to gush over a celebrity. I don't really identify with them. However, if given the chance I might have been all tongue tied and nervous getting out more than just a few crazy fan girl comments, should I ever find myself in a conversation with Ed or Paula Radcliffe.

I finished stronger and smarter and quicker with a few more stars in my eyes, this time around.

7 Years Ago

2011-10-14T16:50:00.001-04:00

Seven years ago my life changed. It started with a girlfriend betting me that it wouldn't be long after being married that I'd be a Mommy. It was that same girlfriend who told me I was pregnant before I even knew it myself. Thanks Corina!

I took on being pregnant like a lot of the things I do in life. It was project status! I loved being pregnant. There was never a happier time in my life. I glowed. I smiled a lot. I also ate like a football player. I read like crazy. At first it was baby name books, then it was pregnancy books. What to expect and when, where, what books. I researched doctors. No regular GP was going to do. I managed to get one of Toronto's best OB's as my own. Then I planned the nursery. I even made a project (read: nesting crisis) out of finding the matching stool to my nursery rocker. I had everything purchased and waiting for baby to come home. I had my bag packed. My birth plan mapped out. 10 months of painstaking planning cooked up the perfect pregnancy.

On the day, we were up before the crack of dawn. At the hospital I was left on my own before the nurses came in to get me prepped. I had a chance...just a small window to chat with my belly. The belly would answer back in hasty nudges. I had that one last moment to express my gratitude to this little being for choosing me as his mother.

Seven years ago, this little being changed my life. I often wonder if a simple c-section included installing a much larger heart. It seems my capacity to feel pain and joy, worry and elation increased 10 fold. He came into this world with a head full of hair and crying like an opera singer. Loud and robust. To this day he hasn't changed a bit. He still has that unimpressed look and is really loud. I love everything that makes him who he is. I love who he made me be.

Happy Birthday E! Your crazy mother thinks you're the best thing since sliced bread.

My Many Lives

2011-10-11T18:13:00.000-04:00

What kind of old lady will I be? Today while I was being cracked like a chicken carcass by the doctor who has been endlessly been putting me back together since I took up running. We were chatting about the stupid things I did when I was 20'something and it evolved into a conversation about some of my former jobs but as we were chatting he referred to my adventures as former lives.

It got me thinking. It's true. I've had so many different "recreations" I could be the non-famous Madonna. It seemed I changed my life from the ground up, more times then Madonna changed her image. How odd? Do all people go through the process of shedding lives as they evolve?

I'm now a stay at home mom with many hobbies and interests. I suppose you could say I'm the unpublished version of Erma Bombeck, for 2011. Though not nearly as talented. What will I be 10 years from now? I can't wait to find out.

I Love Thanksgiving!

2011-10-10T10:37:00.001-04:00

I love thanksgiving so much that I'm always tempted to celebrate it twice. There was a time when I worked exclusively with American customers and had the two days off in November. Though sadly it meant working the Canadian holiday. I was finished work early enough to enjoy the food, so really not such a bad trade.

This year I'm going "granola". We'll still have the turkey but that's where the familiarity of the dinner ends. I was inspired to try on something new. Not often do I shrug off the traditions of my kitchen which I've created long ago. We aren't expecting any guests this year and since the boys scarcely eat. I thought it the right time to experiment. Though now I feel at a loss. This menu is so stream line that it should only take me 2 hours from start to finish. That time is mostly consumed with the brining of the half turkey breast. Beyond that... what on Earth will I do with my time?

I think the reason why I love Thanksgiving so much is likely the reason that I have no outstanding memories of it as a kid. It wasn't necessarily a holiday that meant more to us than a standard PD day. We could play instead of going to school. The stuff we did at school to prepare was always a lot of fun but as far as family togetherness goes. It was a non holiday. What I'm trying to say is that it's a blank slate.

All the traditions I have for this day are solely created within the confines of my little quartet. From our Thanksgiving Tree which we will add to this year. (branches with construction paper leaves on which we've written what we are thankful for each year, we write as many as we like and glue them to the tree. Each year we just add more leaves). The meal. The pastimes. Everything has been engineered by us, centred around us. We are feathering our nest with the true happiness that comes from being a family.

Friday...so much fun

2011-10-07T13:58:00.002-04:00

I should be dashing about trying to clean up. I really need too. With the kids and I being sick pretty much all week the house looks horrible. Toys and books everywhere. Even some folded clothes camped out on one of the living room chairs. No where can I find an empty laundry basket to move that pile of clothes upstairs and frankly I'm not about to take three trips to convey it upstairs.

I ought to be doing the dishes and load up the dryer to get the laundry moving along. I ought to be putting the recycling out. Instead, I sit here. Writing. I have no intentions on getting up until this blog is done. Why? Well let's see.

I am actually still sick. I woke up late only to discover that I had not premade the boys school lunches as I usually do. The time I would have had my usual morning coffee was spent scurrying around getting sandwiches, snacks and fruit into the proper lunch bags and into the appropriate back packs. I have no idea if their home work was sorted properly. I don't actually care right now. Then when I carved out 5 mins to have that coffee I realized that the pot was empty. NO COFFEE!!! Never has there been a day in my whole married life when there hasn't been a pot of fresh coffee. Quickly, I scrambled through the recipe cards in my head trying to account for any slight or neglect I may have shown my husband. Why? Oh why was there no coffee in the pot? So stressful...So horrible.

With no time for me to make a pot of coffee I decide to just keep it moving. I pushed the kids through the rest of the morning routine and got them to the first school. It was fun watching L play with his friends. Running around, enjoying the splendid morning. The bell rings and the kids line up. Out comes the teacher with a note. How do I know that piece of paper is for me? Hmmmm? She apologizes for it not giving it to me sooner. I know what that note says before I even look at it. Sorry, Katie...today the adage of no news being good news isn't going to pan out for you!

The note pretty much describes all the naughty behaviour L did on the last school day. I promised myself I wouldn't read the note until after 4 pm. When I had the chance to enjoy my kids without knowing the seedy-side of what they do when I'm not around. I wasn't going to look at that note....but I did. It was out of my control. Bahhhh. Perhaps it would be more entertaining if someone would just pee in my Cheerios?

My plan for getting the groceries early while the rest of the world was busy at work was a great idea. So much so, everyone else decided to do it too. The store was very busy. I once again picked a cart with a malfunction that didn't become apparent until after the second aisle. Still I promised myself that I'd stop for a vat of coffee after I got everything sorted out. Feeling a little scrambled after not eating breakfast and not having a coffee I had just one last thing to do. Pull up to get the wine. I have a new best friend. I swore my allegiance to the woman who was giving out the free samples.

So the day only being half over I'm declaring a work slow down. Once I get my kidlets and take a mitt of Tylenol. I plan to just chuck it over and enjoy my afternoon with them. The house is already a total wreck. What could a couple of Lego towers hurt?

I wonder if they'd afford me a nap?

On The Bright Side...I'm Not Actually Dead

2011-10-05T09:49:00.000-04:00

Though I just wish I were today. It was just after 8 pm last night when I turned to my husband and said "Can I go to bed, now?" I had been hoping to hold out on dying just long enough to help put the kids to bed but I just couldn't hold out any longer. When my eyeballs started drying out consistently because of my zombie stare I knew I was just pushing my luck.

I don't think I heard much beyond my son tramping through my blackened room to use my bathroom to go pee before bed because his brother was using their bathroom. Not one to be deterred by a closed door. He just marched in with his usual chirping and banter. Flicked on the very bright light and commenced using the toilet with the door wide open. My last conscious image was that of my five year-old's back side. I think that's when I passed out.

Upon waking today I find that both my kids are still coughing but when faced with the decision to stay home with "sick mom" or go frolic with friends. Hard to believe they didn't want to stay home and rub my freezing cold feet, or make me toast. How ungrateful can you get?

I do have to admit the quiet is delicious. I am wrapped in a blanket and trudging through the house trying to make tea and figure out what I should do first. Should I do my work while I still have a few brain cells to rub together for warmth? Should I just take a hot bath and pass out again until it's time to pick the boys up? Or should I continue to just sit and stare at the TV and let my eyeballs dry out again? Decisions. Decisions. Now I understand how my poor neglected house plants feel. Sitting in a draft, collecting dust and drying out.

PS: This blog is now available on Top Mommy Blogs. Vote for my blog by clicking the banner at the top right. I have no idea of what benefit that would be...but what the hell. You've suffered through my inane dribble for years now. It likely wouldn't kill you *snort*

Sick Week

2011-10-04T08:30:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. Cootie Week. The week where it's guaranteed everyone in our house will be good and sick. Doctors will be visited. Rx's will be filled. Vows to take vitamins daily and eat broccoli will be made. Noses will be wiped raw and in my case, my voice will once again be lost.

Already I'm on the couch. Hot drink, Kleenex box and Halls on stand-bye. Got the netti pot ready for service with it's trusty Vicks Vaporub side kick.

The kids having been sick before me are starting to rally with an abundance of trapped energy and I'll resort to desperate measures. Yep, play dough, craft center and a stock pile of kid friendly movies. Already the living room looks like a tornado hit it and it's only 8:30 am. Lego, stuffies, blankets, books, toys, and a full deck of playing cards have been scattered with reckless abandon. "Yay! Mom's sick....she's defenceless....STRIKE NOW!!"

It's so not fair!

Where I've been...

2011-09-30T21:18:00.001-04:00

Surely it's been more than a month since I last blogged. Where have I been, you might ask? What have I been doing? Well let's see...where have I been? I've been here. Busy of course. Working feverishly, and tending house and family. Training for yet another half marathon, though I admit my heart is barely in this one but then I've been there, done that. I have a fickled runner's heart that way. I've been hanging with friends and navigating the stresses of a new school year.

What has inspired me? Certainly the season change has inspired me. Welcoming the chilly weather runs. Layering in thin shirts for running in the early hours. The leaves trying on their fall colours and scattering in the wind. The pantry has opened itself up to the seasonal comfort foods (as I speak I'm baking wild rice with seeds and berries in acorn squash as a wonderful side dish). Everything Thanksgiving has me planning and creating and looking forward to that special day in our home.

My eldest son, E, turns 7 this year. It's amazing. Each day I stare at him and think, "wow, he's really turning into a big kid". He really invests himself into everything he puts his hands too. I'm in awe of him. In every way he is all that I have ever wanted to be! L, is amazing. He writes me love letters and follows me around like my shadow on days when he's not in school wanting to help me. He comes up with wonderful ideas for baking projects and I find that I can't say no. He is always so free with cuddles and tries so hard to be good. What can I say? I think my kids are the best things I ever made from scratch.

What has been daunting me? I have a little niggling injury which is making me take a very conservative approach to my half training this time around. Though I will admit it doesn't scare me in as much as I appreciate that I can more than happily do the distance but that once again an injury will keep me from setting my sights on a time goal. Doesn't much matter...I don't do the distances for time. I do them because I love the achievement.

What has been buoying me? My husband. I love him so much. I'm so happy to see him each and every day and wish that we had more time together to really enjoy each other's company. Most of our time together is monopolized by the kids and we focus so intensely on them during the week. Once the weekend arrives we always swear that we'll spend more time together but of course, extra-curricular and social obligations have us headed on different paths for much of the those two days. Still, he knows just what to say to balance out my unsorted mind. My heart still skips a beat when I look at him.

My wonderful friends inspire me. They listen to my concerns. They laugh at my ridiculous jokes. They agree with my insane opinions when I know they think I'm nuts. Still, their positive energy keeps me coming out to workouts and runs when I'd like revert back to my old hermit ways. I'm healthier all the way around because of them. They keep me so busy I don't have a chance to have that emotional, mental meltdown.

What do I look forward to doing? I look forward to returning to all my cold weather hobbies. I also look forward to cold weather running too. Picking up my knitting that has sat dormant for two seasons. I really suck at finishing projects. Like a typical Gemini, I burn hot then get distracted by shiny things.

What irritates me? That damn school parking lot and the mad dash to be in two places at once. Why on Earth are the two bells so close together? They have half the school coming from outside their boundaries but yet the bell times stay the same. I hate election rhetoric. Really, why don't they save a bunch of money and when we go to vote just have the electoral administrator hand us the ballot and tell us to grab our ankles? It's about what winds up happening anyway. Why sugar coat it or sling mud at it? It is the only fundamental truth to be had in the whole process. The only parallel can be found in death and taxes.

What do I wish I could change? Well in the immediate sense, I suppose I wish that I could focus a little more on organized thoughts. If I could then I'd be able to blog more often *giggle*. I also wish that I didn't spin my wheels so much with worrying. It's really hard sometimes to remember that there isn't a whole lot in this world that I can control and it's fruitless to try to keep a cap on it. Having faith, is not my strong suit. I'd like to think that's a work in progress...ok that an my damn knititng projects!

Hopefully, it doesn't take me a whole month to come up with my next blog entry.

The Problem With To-Do Lists

2011-08-25T14:21:00.001-04:00

It seems this time of year is just crazy busy. I don't know why it always winds up being a rush to complete a never ending list of tasks each day leading up to the Labour Day Weekend. The semi-annual sorting of the kids clothes, packing up and freecycling off what they cannot keep and purchasing what's needed. Making sure they've got what they need for school. Tearing out the exhausted summer garden and planting for the cooler months. Canning everything insight. Sweet corn, carrots, beans, pickles, jams, pie fillings, soups and stews. Freezing anything that's leftover. Of course there are the house hold tasks that got put off for cooler weather. It's time for those now too.

I'm writing this blog today while being forced to slow down for one hour. I've dragged my laptop to an appointment and hijacked some poor unsuspecting person's wifi network. If I'm going to sit idle for an hour I'd better have something to keep my hands busy, my mind focused on task so that it doesn't wander too much, start worrying about something. Come the cooler weather I'll take these hour long, forced breaks to knit.

So that brings me to the thought. I now feel guilty for spending any time not consumed with some sort of work. A very Quaker-like work ethic has sunk in over the last year or two. If' I'm not burning 1000 calories in exercise, or putting away a year's worth of food it doesn't feel like a day well spent. Now you'd think that with all this expended energy I'd be as thin as a pencil. Ha! If that was all it took then I'd have installed the hamster wheel years ago!

Perhaps it's time for me to slow down a little. A girlfriend wrote on her facebook wall yesterday that she had an empty house and two hours to herself and questioned what she'd do with them. What floated through my mind was "what not to do with them". My stupid to-do list. I should stop writing them. Once written the demand to be finished. Some awful self-fulfilling prophecy.

When I die, I'd rather not be remembered by what consumed me but rather what I treasured.

I Finally Snapped

2011-08-07T19:40:00.001-04:00

This summer has been chugging a long at a rather rapid pace. Each day I'm out doing something. Never having a day to let grass grow under my feet. Grass that is only now coming back to that plush green state after that dreadfully hot, dry period. We've been on "staycation" since the end of the school year. Enjoying the pool has been priority #1. So much so that field trips have been down to a minimum. No complaints from the kids. They are too busy getting prune toes.

That said, I heard the snap today. Up at dawn, fuelling for a 14k run then stepping out to the van to meet the girls I walked into the hottest, most humid morning I've ever experienced. Were we crazy? Here I thought yesterday's 10K in the humid heat was bad but today was so much worse. With each step I prayed for rain though I was already saturated with sweat. My shirt was so heavy and wet when I finally stripped off. So gross.

Then as I was recovering from that crazy run, I felt it. The snap. That's it! I'm so done with summer. Oh sure I'll have no choice but to go through the motions for the next month or so but, really, enough is enough! The heat can move off now. I'm sick of wrangling wiggly children who don't want to wear sunblock. Tired of the bugs feasting on me while I workout or run in the trails.

Normally, by this time of year the back-to-school shopping is nearly complete. I've been cruising the fabric stores for quilt supplies and have selected my wool collection for the cold weather projects to come. I blame the pool for the delay. I was too busy bobbing around like a cork in the water to get that familiar feeling.

Now I'm daydreaming of cold weather comfort foods, the crispness that comes on a fall day. The feel of the fabric being fed into the sewing machine as I work on Halloween costumes for the boys. Now all I want to do is harvest the garden and hunt the farmer's market for the September bounty to be put up in shiny jars or tucked away in the freezer for a day when the yards are covered in a blanket of snow.

I've even fingered the children's back-to-school labels. I need my routine back. I need to be able to wear clothes without having to change a few times a day due to that constant feeling of being damp. I'd also like my body to be only one colour rather then resembling a multi-tonal paint sample. This has been the worst summer for multiple tan lines and I don't normally tan! I don't really want to look like George Hamilton.

*sigh* I now realize that by the simple act of just writing this blog, that I have cursed myself to an especially hot September. More long distance training in crazy temperatures. I've broken my rule about training in the summer and now my karma is coming for me. I'll spend the next six weeks wilting while dreaming of my favourite season. Fall.

Blue Skies, Heat Alerts and Staycations

2011-07-19T14:55:00.002-04:00

I have to admit I didn't count on it ever getting very hot let alone into heat alerts. Not even sure when the last time I actually felt it rain. Sort'a wish it would though. My herb garden has fallen prey to both the arid temps and my seasonal laziness. I haven't felt like dragging out the sprinkler each day to put down the required water. The grass is dry and crunchy underfoot. I'm not too worried though, the grass will recover and the herb garden can be replanted when I feel a little less lazy.

Of course I say this after I spent a few hours floating around on my pink flowered blow-up lounger. The kids graciously heeded the pool to me while they warmed up and ate their lunch on the deck. I leapt at the opportunity to enjoy the pool sans splashing and giant whales. I'm now a little too pink but can still say it's a great way to waste a morning.

What a great way to while away the summer days. Beach trips, camping and amusement parks. Some lazy days just doing the staycation thing. Never venturing much further than Tim's for morning coffees and the store for more ice or beer and returning promptly to the deck chairs or pool.

My friends and I have taken most of our runs off road and we are taking the tours of Durham Forest each weekend. It's a brilliant way to keep up the mileage when the thought of another road run is comparable to getting teeth drilled at the dentist. My only regret was that I had not purchased a can of Deep Woods Off, earlier. I can safely say that I've been some happy bug's lunch.

The kids are affording me my usual workout routines. What can I say? They are champs. They are pretty portable and happy just about anywhere. I'm enjoying them more and more as they get older. I write this as I watch them ride these huge blow-up whales. L believes that he's Luke Skywalker with an empty bubble stick for a light saber in one hand fighting for justice and for good. E believes his whale is real and wants to feed him. I love their imaginations. It reminds me of how great childhood can be, especially when the biggest drama they experience is the fight over what flick to watch on movie nights.

I love summer, though I don't like the intense heat I've certainly found ways around jacking up the a/c or sitting on an ice block to enjoying my holidays. The only thing left to do is level the pool properly and get the chemical mix just right so that I can stop fretting over the chemistry. I can certainly say I've learned things this summer. Pool chemistry is one. How to be deliciously lazy is another, as I write this blog pool-side.

Motherhood, The Truth.

2011-07-05T16:39:00.001-04:00

Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed. ~Linda Wooten

You know I make a lot of jokes about motherhood being like a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome. I get frustrated and a little flustered from time-to-time but here is the straight story about how I really feel about my job.

I stand shoulder-to-shoulder with moms nearly every day. Some have newborns, some have kids just entering puberty and some that are all grown up and have flown the nest. I even have some friends that have kids in all those stages of life. There is one thing that can be equally said of us. We all balance our days with taking care of them, our spouses, the house, the pets, and lastly ourselves. We do these things in this order. Why? Because by the call of nature, this is the order of our lives. When we see that the stick turns a different colour we instinctively put down our own needs in the service of a greater good. The time honoured role of simply being "mom".

When I felt my first son, a tiny flutter, or rather it felt more like a tiny air bubble tickling the inside of my womb. I just knew that I'd lay down my life to protect that little being in an instant and without conscious thought if the event ever manifested itself. That is a fact I have never questioned. I also realized that being a mom has been the only thing I've ever really wanted for my life. Not riches or career status. There isn't anything that money could buy that could persuade me to give up this post. Nothing.

My kids are my everything. Now I love my husband and he knows it's depth but the love I have for my kids is visceral. I'd defend them with a force that couldn't be contained. I stand watch over them in sickness and health. I gently guide them through their day and evening. I shield them through the night in the face of bad dreams. Welcome their smiling faces at obscenely early hours of the morning when the chance to sleep in was possible. I have even had a fight with their dad, in a sleep-deprived haze, over who would get to comfort E one night when he had a bad dream and woke crying. They know that I'd move heaven and earth for them and if there was any doubt about that, certainly I've reminded them every day of their lives and will continue to do so.

I don't need a day to give reverence to what I do. I don't expect a thank you or a reward. I do what I do freely and with everything that is in my body and soul. Sometimes I may crave some peace and quiet. Sometimes I may make jokes that they are driving me crazy and it's a short trip. Sometimes I may even be excited that it's date night and the babysitter has just rung the door bell. But here's the thing...I never ever stop being a mom. They are never out of my mind. I am always thinking of them, concerned for them, loving them. Always. That's just how I feel. What my husband, their father feels is a mirrored force. My kids don't want for love or nurturing, that's for sure.

I wish that every child, ever born is as loved as mine. Sadly, we know this isn't the case. I shake my head. I wonder how that could possibly be. The thought tears this mother's heart.

Waging War!

2011-06-18T09:47:00.000-04:00

My knee has been a little achy since yesterday afternoon so instead of going out for a group 8K I'm at home waging war. Now normally the first line of defence in my organic garden is the curse. Yep, each morning I inspect my garden and when I see that either my wiener dog has been sitting in my strawberry patch, yet again or some critter has been munching my lettuce I stand there and shake my fist uttering threats of bodily harm. This ought to be enough to intimidate at least one of the guilty offenders.

Second line of defence. Beer. A dish of my husband's favourite Mill Street (which my husband in the freezer to chill but was forgotten and frozen...perish the thought that the slugs get the viable stuff) gets offered to the Garden Gods. Libations for all that needs satiating. Sometimes it's the very same offending wiener dog and he gets a little too sleepy to finish off what is left of my strawberries *grrrrrr* Mostly this helps keep the slug population down and away from my mixed lettuces, as this year my boarder of red lettuce doesn't seem to be doing it's job.

When the beer has been exhausted then comes more cursing and hand picking which is just as gross as it sounds. The neighbours must love this. Dressed like a doll and swearing like a sailor and visibly not pleased with the task. Once I've exhausted that then comes the heavy artillery. Nematodes!

This is an ugly death for any offending non-wiener dog garden offender. Bio-warfare. Take that you slimy little bastards! Then comes the inevitable pleasure I take in saying the word Nematodes in various silly voices while I prep the back yard to be nuked down. Nematodes. Nematodes...Nematoooooodesssss

This chick plays dirty. That's what happens to the little creeps that get between me and a summer salad especially on days when I'd rather be running with the girls. What a way to take out my frustrations!

Another Year....Wiser?

2011-06-12T20:48:00.000-04:00

It's funny that after the age of 21, having a birthday roll around each year starts to become a little painful. Another year ticked off, a few more wrinkles and only my stylist knows how much is blonde as opposed to "Norwegian Blonde" (our code for grey). My birthday this year came creeping up on me. I've actually spent the last few weeks lost as to what day it is and what is on the agenda for each day. It's little wonder that a few days before I realized that I would be checking off another year. Mentally tallying up everything that passed in the previous and creating a wish list for the next.

Then there is the inevitable thoughts that float through the transom of my mind. What will it be like when there are twenty more years that have been ticked off? What will I have checked off for my bucket list? Then of course the thoughts turn toward mortality and what that really means. It is becoming less vague with each year. With the thoughts of what will it be like to not be alive then turns back to what shall I do with what's left? Each year that particular thought becomes a little more uncomfortable. No one likes to mark what time is left especially when there is no guarantee that there is any time left.

I will say that I'm pleased with this last year. I have accomplished a lot, a heck of a lot more than I did when I was 20, young, thin, energetic and unattached. My accomplishments in this last year in particular mean so much more too. Now when I look back at twenty, it's not so much with wistful dreamy thoughts. It's more defined now. If I had only known then what I know now, I'd have wasted a lot less time. I'd have been getting on with the business of being alive and really living, instead of merely marking time. Wishing days away, wishing years away. Now I'm so busy living that I can hardly recall what day it is. When I'm told what day it is, I could nearly care less, except for being a little too aware that there may not be decades before me. Really, what shall I do when I grow up?

What I do know is that waking up on a birthday morning to my wonderful husband and two incredibly smiley kids with nothing in particular to have to accomplish, is the most wonderful gift. The gift of this life with them is more than I could have dreamed of when I was twenty.

Date Night!

2011-06-11T10:56:00.001-04:00

Tonight is the night I get to step outside the Mommy/Parent role for a couple of hours and get to stroll through yesteryear...that life I had before the kids. Though now it's calculated. There are rules of engagement. It's an exercise in making sure that we don't discuss the kids and don't go to kid friendly restaurants or movies. The rut having worn deep that leads to East Side Mario's. We make sure we don't pick things up for them while we are out, should we find ourselves shopping. We do allow ourselves a chance to peek at the cell phones to make sure we haven't missed a desperate call from the babysitter, because well, we aren't heartless *giggle*

Date nights are few and far in between this year. Our calendar has been nearly filled to capacity since the beginning of the school year. If there isn't a club, ball game, practice, lesson or meeting then its downtime we use to catch up with housework, homework and sleep. When we do find a night together we sit in a daze wondering what it is we are forgetting to do. Clearly we need a break from this dizzying schedule. Tonight's excuse is that tomorrow is my birthday. So tonight I pick the activity. I am at a loss. There is just so much that I'd like to do with the freedom.

A few years ago, when we'd get a babysitter, the first impulse would be to pull the car up in a dark secluded place and do something that we had not done for years, something delicious and nearly taboo.....sleep. Ah, how times have changed. Both boys were always really good sleepers but chasing them around day-in and day-out was exhausting. Oddly, it still is but I guess I've grown hungrier for things other than sleeping. Like peace and quiet. It had crossed my mind to go and sit in the library and bury my nose in a book I wasn't interested in and just lap up the silence. Almost the way a perv goes around in the cover of night and surreptitiously peeks in women's windows.

Then there is shopping and trying things on. For hours on end. Combing through racks and shelves looking at everything every store has without hearing my boys bicker. Or having to keep on eye on them, for fear that they'd wander off or having them shadow me so closely that I have to watch my step, for fear of someone snatching them. Being a mother has, I fear, permanently altered my thought patterns. There is no more just being me. At peace. Just still. Just quiet. Now I'm a guard dog. Always on watch, always ready to rip some one's arm off at the shoulder and beat them with it, should they look at my kids sideways. Ah, the joys of motherhood. That is certainly a side of having those precious babies that the book "What to Expect When You're Expecting" didn't cast a light on.

So? What shall I do with my few meager hours off with this man that I choose to spend my life with? That man that still makes my heart skip a beat when I see him. The man that decided to make this life with me...to have these kids, the same kids we are trying to escape (from time-to-time). What shall we do?

OK, how many of you suggested parking? *giggle*

A Snapshot

2011-06-01T17:10:00.002-04:00

A fine day. We're off for a little adventure. On the road to the zoo with L's class for the day. L is practically wiggling in his seat. I'm bracing myself for the mayhem ahead. It might just be a really long day.

We arrived shortly after 9 and set out with our private guide. She's likely in her late 60's. She's stooped and weathered. But she has a kind, warm face richly etched with wrinkles that tell her story. She's done a lot of smiling and a lot of worrying.

She takes us in and around the various exhibitions. She herds us through the crowd and navigates the larger groups of tourists and class trippers. She's experienced and knowledgeable. She's been volunteering longer than she can remember, or so she says. The kids crane to listen to her tell the stories of the animals and she tries her best to answer every question tossed at her. The kids attentions spans are short but she's on her best game. She knows her audience and keeps us going at a pretty good clip so no one gets bored.

We make our way from one end of the park to the other and finally our tour is nearly done. We pause for a moment at a bench and she's quiet. I thought we were pausing so that everyone could catch up and she would tell us where we were headed next. Instead, she drops her head for a moment. Not caring what was going on around her, she takes this moment and she brings her fingers to her lips. Purses, kisses her fingertips and reaches out to the plaque on the bench. "In loving memory of Walter". A moment later, she's off and on her way again, briskly. Leaving me speechless.

This one moment. This one stolen moment. I've been thinking about it on and off all day. I wanted to pay homage to this moment of unguarded devotion, and this woman. I don't know her. I don't know her story but one can only surmise that her husband has passed on and that she misses him and thinks of him often. That, that bench may have been a place where they once sat together. That this place, this zoo may have meant something to him. That perhaps he had dedicated himself to it, just as she does still.

I felt like I had stumbled on that intimate moment like a clod. I couldn't even bring myself to drop my eyes to give her privacy. I was mesmerized. I was just so touched by this simple act. This quiet moment of remembrance. What must their lives together have been like? Were they soul mates? Did they have a great passion? I hope they had great passion.

Just a simple bench. Now it's a monument to some one's life together. A tribute to a life spent. Come sit by me. Think. Breathe. Be.

The zoo is forever altered for me. I hugged my child a lot today.

The Half

2011-05-29T18:49:00.001-04:00

Me, trying to steal a ride to the van after the race

Not so much with the posting lately, I know. Sorry about that. It's not for a lack of things to post about but rather too distracted. There has been so much to do in May. Training, and cross-training. Working and gardening. Keeping up with the kids and having my husband start at a new company.

Not all the goings-on have been so positive but then...that's life. No one is exempt from the pettiness of others. No one can say they haven't come up against an unmovable object. I've decided to walk around mine and just leave it where it stands. It doesn't define me and it sure as hell isn't going to weigh me down!

The positives far out weigh the negatives so I can truly say I'm blessed in this life I have built. Now I'm on to setting new goals. Though while I was running that half today I was seriously rethinking my lofty goals that I started day dreaming about while being marred in the boredom of the long training schedule to get me to the half. It is also true that I actually hate racing. Though I'm prolific enough in my bib collection. I just don't view the race the same way other runners do. It for me, at this point, is just something that needs to be endured so that I can go on to the next big thing. I guess I'm a bit of an old crow that way....always looking for the next shiny object.

Got mine today. I wasn't thrilled with my time at the race but it was a accumulation of too many things going against me. I came in at about the same time I'd have come in from a training run. That in itself wouldn't have been shabby had I felt as good as a training run. It was hot, humid (I certainly didn't train in that!). The course much hillier, slippery and swamped than I had anticipated. I believe they changed part of it at the last minute because the creek had washed out the path. Then there was my back injury and allergies. Hopped up on antihistamines and pain killers it was an interesting way to run. Dizzy to the last minute. Whoa, so lucky I didn't get pulled off the course. Though I have to admit I fantasized about getting a ride *snort*

I had the best cheering section though...Ken and the boys toughed out the whole race waiting for me. That's a long time for them to be in a place with no playground equipment. My husband is such a trooper though. I'm sad that I didn't get to see them as I came into the finish. Though I wouldn't have noticed if Jesus, himself was standing under the clock! Sheree and Misty were there to see us race. Then there was Charm and the other girls from the BRC. My crazy Sisterhood of the Travelling Racers!

Charmaine and I after the race

Charm, what can I say...she wasn't able to train as much as she'd have liked but pulled a solid race out of the hat anyway. Talk about determination. She's got it in spades. We had a great time in the first 9k, OK talking just a little more than was suggested *giggle*

Oddly, both Charm and I found ourselves searching out the next big thing this evening. Both nursing our individual aches but anxious to get back out there and do it again. I'm looking forward to doing more races with this lady. Though it seems this sport sure does bring out the crazy in a runner! Who else would beat themselves up for 2+ hours and look forward to doing it all over again.

Five Lessons About How To Treat People-Author Unknown

2011-05-05T18:46:00.000-04:00

I'm reposting this lovely article here on my blog.

Five Lessons About How To Treat People
-- Author Unknown

1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady"

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. Second Important Lesson - "Pickup In The Rain"

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home.

A special note was attached. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3. Third Important Lesson - "Remember Those Who Serve"

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "50¢," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.

"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. "35¢!" she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said. The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4. Fourth Important Lesson - "The Obstacles In Our Path"

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded. After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway. The peasant learned what many of us never understand - "Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition."

5. Fifth Important Lesson - "Giving When It Counts"

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year-old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Easter Weekend

2011-04-24T17:24:00.000-04:00

It's finally here and it's been a perfect weekend. Got out for my long run on Friday and did a pretty good job of it though that wind at the end was just insane. Saturday the sun peeked out and it seemed to take everyone by surprise. I tore it up on a 5K and earned enough wine to make my dinner completely delightful! Got the grill fired up and took out my "Flintstone" cut of steak. Total bliss. While I was waiting for the perfect moment to slap that slab onto the grill I wandered around my yard checking to see what was returning.

I'm delighted that much of the perennials that because of location I assumed wouldn't make it through the winter, are waking up and either sending out shoots or budding. I was even able to trim a palm full of fresh chives for my baked potato. The only problem with all the gorgeous weather is that reminder that I need to get out there and clean up the debris from last year. I'm in no rush as the real spring weather seems to be in no rush to show up either.

I was up ungodly early this morning after trying to watch "The Ten Commandments" (an Easter Tradition for me) and only getting to the Exodus when the timer shut the TV off at five minutes after midnight evicting me from the living room and effectively telling me to go to bed. Around 6am I was roused by the sound of a little person opening his door and discovering his Easter basket. Then hearing the rustle of the packaging as he tried to gnaw his way through to the chocolate Thomas the Tank Engine. The following hunt only took five minutes. We are getting less creative every year and they, after getting a few fist fulls of chocolate, lose interest. Then it's a matter of picking up all the stray eggs to ensure the dogs don't get an Easter Treat.

I managed to get some breakfast into them before we headed out for church. Of course church was filled with the usual C&E Catholics. Parking was scarce and the kids were fairly well behaved. The disturbing part was discovering that some asshat had taken the evening before as an opportunity to smash the churches flood lights and even try to damage a stained glass window. Luckily, the church had the forethought to protect its precious windows with some security glass. The priest accidentally left his mic on at the back of the church prior to the mass and was going on about something and all you could really make out is "seniors....it's seniors". He explained that the window and lights had been vandalized and that he said it was the seniors. It was the perfect ruse...who would suspect them!" hahah. He is so droll! He even managed to work in the bit about church being open on Sundays.

Another delightful day, another round of delightful but lighter meals. Gone are the traditional heavy cream, bread laden meals. Sorry family but no homemade brioche this year. In fact, there will be a round of roasted beets (K's new favourite). I'd go out for an after dinner run but E will need help with his homework and I should be there to make sure that he starts in on it but then I've got the opportunity to burn off some major calories by cleaning the kitchen of it's Easter traffic.

Tragic part is that I've got 12 hard boiled, heavily decorated eggs that need to be consumed. I'm not sure anyone wants to have that much egg salad! Rather, who'd want to be around us after all that egg salad! hahah

April...what?

2011-04-18T09:16:00.000-04:00

I'm really wondering if Spring will ever really arrive. Like a worried mother I peer out my window each morning at my emerging strawberry plants wondering if cold weather is damaging them. Nervous for their tender leaves.

I haven't put any of the winter gear away. At first I justified it as saying that I needed it for skating lessons. That arena being so very cold. The kids needing the snow pants as padding. With the temperatures swinging around I figured there would still be a storm front that would bring some snow. Yesterday proved that. On my way out of church to rush off to a running clinic, there it was. A coating of wet heavy snow draped over everything.

I had planned to just wear my windbreaker and crops to run in but after seeing that snow I opted for the winter jacket and hat. Good call because on the return portion of the clinic's run yesterday the sky opened up and sent down snow, wind and frozen rain pellets. It was coming down so hard we missed the turn in the park and it sent us more than a kilometer out of our way. I have to admit that was just the insult to injury. I don't think I've ever wanted the end of a run quite so badly before.

There is a threat of more snow to come this week. Oddly, it feels like I'm back living in Winnipeg. This is the kind of weather I would have normally expected there. *shakes first at the sky*

Yah baby!

2011-04-04T17:51:00.002-04:00

Woke up to rain and a little thunder after a night snuggling with my little boy who crept into the bed without so much as a peep. He had a nightmare and sought comfort and comfort he got. When I finally stopped hitting snooze on the alarm clock I looked over and he was hogging the entire bed. What a kid!

I don't begrudge him the comfort. He's a really good little guy and I don't get nearly enough snuggle time with him any more because he is now at that magic age where he wants to be so fiercely independant and getting a kiss from mom in front of his friends is baby-ish *sniff sob*.

Spring was in the air, though the air was still chilly. The kids in their raincoats and rubber boots. Me in my non-transitional winter coat. I really need to get a better spring jacket. Though I'm sure if I blink I'd hardly need it. After double school drop-off I headed out to Crappy Tire (Canadian Tire) to pick up a gel seat to sheild my bum for the inevidable hurting Sheree was going to inflict. I was immediately distracted by the gardening displays.

They were stacked tall with seed potatoes and packaged onion, shallots and garlic bulbs. All of which quickly found their way into my basket. I was giddy when I finally wheeled up to the check out. What's better than gardening supplies? Not spending a cent of real money on any of it. I finally pulled out the huge wad of Crappy Tire money that I'd been saving up through out the year and bought the whole lot. So now, my earliest crops will be free! So worth the effort of preparing the soil early.

Navigating the mine field of weirner dog poop, I made my way out to my pyramid garden box to see what the green was that was pushing its way up through the bracken left behind from fall. (I didn't clear out the boxes, leaving the leftover greens to sheild and insulate the more tender perrenials from the harshest part of the snow and frost). This paid off in spades. Sure it will be a pain to clean up but if a plant lives through the winter than all the better! The green turned out to be the strawberry plants $40 worth invested last spring, that I feared wouldn't survive the cold, what with being in the top of the box. I also discovered that they sent out major runners last summer and now I'm going to need to dig around and relocate a few plants once they are a little bigger. So looks like I'm all set for berries for this new season. *happy dance*

Now I need to get down to the nitty gritty and clean up the gardens and that means cleaning up the fertilizer that wieners so aptly supplied to the lawn. I'll have the greenest grass on the block again. What can I say shit happens! Get the spuds and garlic/shallots and onions going. Then start planning the rest of my bumper crops. Environment Canada is promising another hot sunny summer! Soon we'll be putting out the patio furniture and sipping iced tea.

I'm giddy....yipee!

Grocery Store Antics

2011-04-01T16:57:00.000-04:00

Wow grocery shopping on four hours of sleep is a lot of fun. Well actually it wasn't horrible or anything just different. My kids bantered back and forth with their silly time killing games which of course drove me a little nuts. Every where I wheeled the cart they'd find someone else to try to entertain with their silliness. Good thing the store wasn't terribly busy.

Then I handed over the list to one of them and made the other one my look out. E would call out the item from the part of the list that corresponded to the section of the store we were in. Then L would scan the stacks and see if he could point it out to me before I could put my hand on it. A good way of chewing up some time and getting the items in the cart. Then I spent about two minutes going on about how Savoy Cabbage was really a vegetable brain. "oooh a brain....brainssss". This tore them up with laughter. Wait until I make it for dinner and we'll see who's laughing!

By the half way point I had heard twice "oohh enjoy this age, it passes so fast!" I must have looked harrassed or something. Are they assuming that I'm not enjoying them at any age? Why would strange women say that to me? I mean do you feel compelled to say things like that to total strangers? Any way, chalk it up to what people say to each other when they don't have anything else to say but feel they must say something, I suppose.

I wheeled us into the check-out line closest to the wine store and gazed at it lovingly as we waited for the person in front of us to buy what appeared to be all the bottled water that the store carried. I actually said to the boys "look over there, did you notice how peaceful and serene the wine store looks.....gee I wonder why that is?" It's likely a good thing they can't tell I'm being sarcastic and to get even for the times when they ignored my request to stop touching each other they'll get twice as much broccoli for dinner than they would have normally.

On a Lighter Note

2011-03-31T15:57:00.002-04:00

I've been blogging and thinking of some really deep shit lately so I was thinking that it's time to lighten up. So this blog post is about how I'm lightening up, literally.

There are several factors that play against me. 1) I adore cooking/baking and have a lot of experience in doing so. 2) I love food and by the way it sticks to my thighs means it reciprocates. 3) I have been mostly lazy my entire life, so that means that I've gone from couch to Half Marathon.

I've grown tired of feeling blah about my appearance which I don't really try to keep up because of my general dissastifaction with it. It would be nice to have a better self-image and more confidence. I know that last statement might actually make some of you pause since it already seems that I'm very outgoing. Imagine me back to my slim and bouncy self. Wow, scary eh?

So with running 4-5 days a week, two serious workouts a week not including my long distance run. Trimming off a whole wack of calories and lovely extras I'm finally starting to feel strong. Misty, has noticed subtle changes in the way I look and because I avoid mirrors nearly at all cost I'll have to take her word for it. No budge on the scale but it doesn't deter me. I'm stronger and I know it. That's a good start. I'm am still not half as active as most of my friends but it's a good start.

When I first started working out with Misty and her groups I paused and sucked wind more than my fair share of times. It used to be my goal to stop-stopping. After a few weeks I could keep up so much better. Now I find myself making the exercises harder. Like dancing around while holding one legged planks. Going deeper into my squats and really working all the other parts that hurt like hell the day after. Then there is me just trying to keep up with Charmaine! She's killer.

Today I put on an old pair of jeans. I was able to do them up and I've been wearing them all day. Of course, I still need to fine tune the overage (ha that's my new word for muffintop) but with a long sweater, all is good. It just reminds me that I really don't need the pat of butter. I really don't need to ask my husband to go out and buy me ice-cream just because I've had one hell of a day. I don't even feel it's necessary to indulge in a martini anymore for the same reasons as I avoid ice-cream. No day is bad enough to warrant death by calories.

I'm pretty sure that I will not go back to taking a picture diary of my meals. It was nice and it worked in so far as keeping my portions small to save face. I'd rather spend the time that I'd waste documenting that stuff and maybe do some wall sits or beating my 3 min plank time.

So if someone tells me to lighten up, I'll tell them "I am!" Oh, and "PFO". *wink*

Indelible

2011-03-24T17:00:00.003-04:00

I've been lost in my thoughts a lot lately. Not being able to put my thumb on one feeling longer than a fleeting moment. Ups and downs, happiness and deep reflection. There has been much to say but no reasonable way to put it into words. Well until today. I was poking around in between busy tasks on Facebook and there it was. Staring up from the electronic page. The awful news that someone I was acquainted with in the cyber world had died. Not just an accident or an illness but she died of desperation. No one seemed to see it coming.

I only knew her as a kind and generous person. I've read the wonderful words written about this friend. She was a supportive, caring person. From her pictures she emitted such warmth. She is survived now by her husband and her children. I can only imagine now what her family and loved ones must be feeling. I hardly knew her but her story writes on my wall of who I am. She likely had no way of knowing how much and how many she would touch with her life. Her passing has now doubled that.

The thoughts I've been thinking about while on my Lenten Journey have been about my relationships and my deeds. What I've grown past and what still lies ahead and how I want to get there. How in my life I've known a great many people and they've come into and out of my life for so many reasons. Each person writing on wall of who I'd be. Who I am now. What role I played in the relationship and what I'd do differently if I had the chance.

What do I bring to the table? What makes me, me, when no one is watching? I believe we all ask these questions of ourselves. We all deliberate over our outer truths and our inner demons. Such a juxtaposition of selves. The good. The bad. Somewhere in between, Ātman.

Who's life will I touch today and why? Will it be positive? Will it be indelible?

Lent

2011-03-10T09:05:00.000-05:00

Lent in the Catholic tradition, is the period of the liturgical year from Ash Wednesday to Easter. Lent is a time of sacrifice for Jesus. The traditional purpose of Lent is the preparation of the believer — through prayer, repentance, almsgiving and self-denial — for the annual commemoration during Holy Week of the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events linked to the Passion of Christ and culminates in Easter, the celebration of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

This period is often marked by what one will give up for 40 days. Well at least lately it seems as such. What does Lent really mean to you? Do you really use these 40 days to reflect on where you've deviated from the path? Do you spend these 40 days skirting true sacrific or diving in deep, right to the bone?

For me this season always brings a period of inner reflection and during that time I flagellate over the things that I've done and said and thought that were less than pure. For the things that have sent out into the world that lacked good intention.

I was speaking with a dear friend of mine who reminded me that perhaps it was God's intention to make us in his image but because we were only a copy, we were not to be considered to be more than being in construction. An individual miracle in progress. That we learn more about ourselves from the struggle than the acheivement. Basically, we were meant to make mistakes and to learn from them.

This is what Lent means to me. A period of time spent in reflection, atonement, sacrifice for the benefit of purging the ills. Giving up to others in support of their struggles. Creating a new path.

Each year I come out of the 40 days of Lent with a new clarity. New perspectives. I come out of this period a little closer to the mark then I was before it began. I don't have a nifty list of the things I plan to give up. The things I give up I tend not to want back at the end of the 40 days so what kind of sacrifice is that, really? What do I want back at the end of Lent that I can't have during Lent? Is it as simple as offering up my daily vat of coffee? My guilty pleasure of cruising TMZ? These all seem so trivial. I need to dig deeper...how deep is the bone?

So begins my period of reflection and atonement, sacrifice and almsgiving. I am a miracle in training.

What I Adore!

2011-03-08T12:45:00.001-05:00

Wow life has really gotten busy here. So much so that I haven't even had a spare thought to blog! Incredible I know! It really has been a while and thought that it would be nice to write something very positive today. Get the good mojo going. Last month I wrote confessions, this time I'll write about the things I adore.

*Coffee. Truly! One of the first thoughts I have when opening my eyes in the morning is being so happy to know that my husband has made me a pot of his fabulous coffee. It's like liquid love.

*I adore that every morning when I walk into L's room, he scrambles to hide under his blanket so that he can spring out and suprise me when I go to open his drapes to let in the sunshine. I love that he is so happy to be able to do this each and every day, without fail!

*I secretly love that E's bedroom floor is a mine field of Lego pieces even if I wind up stepping on most of them while navigating my way to his drapes in the morning.

*Coffee again, because well...I love coffee.

*I adore my husband. Simply he is the best person I have ever met.

*I love the way sunlight streams through the windows in the morning and that the weiner dogs are there to soak up every last ray. They often remind me of the hotdogs that circle around in that strange heating device at the movie theater.

*I love the happy chatter of the birds at the feeders and their messy habits that cause the wildflowers to grow where the discarded seeds drop.

*I adore that no sooner than I settle in to do my day's work that my husband calls or pings me to say good morning, again. I love that he usually has a silly joke for me or tells me all about the latest goings-on with his friends and co-workers. The day will always seem imbalanced if we miss this moment together.

*I love that my friends always have great stories to share. That we can get together as often as we do and do our thing. It's therapy for both the heart and our health. They are a powerful positive force!

*I love the feeling of planting seeds and tiny plants, knowing that with a little love and patience, there will be something beautiful and surprising waiting for me under a leaf or on a vine. I could spend hours just fussing over my gardens.

*I love the feeling of accomplishment when I finish one of my many projects. There is something wonderfully theraputic about putting one's hands to work.

*I love to listen to opera and drink wine while cooking. I can escape into a land of the senses. Really creating dishes in my kitchen is more than merely putting food on the table. It's opening night at the Met.

*I adore that my youngest child occasionally wants to be rocked to sleep. For no other reason then wanting a little extra love. I also love that my eldest has moved into that boyhood phase of wanting to be as fiercely independant as possible. They are the best things I've ever made from scratch.

*I love laundry on the line.

*I love new nail polish and the smell of a beauty salon.

*I love Fall and Spring for it's broody days.

*I adore new running gear and of course the feeling of finishing that really long run and knowing that I can marry new gear with long run and a huge Tim's coffee at the end. Did I mention that I adore long distances? I love the tallying up the mileage at the end of the week and pin pointing on the map where I could end up if I put all the miles together.

*I love snowy days when there is nothing in particular that needs to be done.

*I love it when my magazines come in the mail. Then spending hours in the tub getting prune toes and reading them from cover-to-cover because my wonderful husband thinks it is important for me to have "mom" time. See I told you he was amazing!

*I love that hot cup of tea at the end of each day. I love it even more when hubby makes it for me.

*I love that the last thought I have every single night is that I love my family, that I adore my friends and that I truly want for nothing more than just the priviledge of doing it again the very next day!

Confession

2011-02-18T17:07:00.002-05:00

This blog is dedicated to...what else? Confessions.

1.) The sharpest scissors in my kitchen belong to my kids and I use them for everything!

2.) If I were given a choice between chocolate cake and french fries, I'd pick the french fries! Especially, if I could use them as the spoon for a McDonald's sundae.

3.) I generally hate people and I don't really discriminate on which people. Oh wait, that's not entirely true. I really hate stupid people! Everyone else I merely tolerate.

4.) I dropped (by accident, clearly) one of my kids when they were a baby. I'm not telling you which one. I'll let you try to figure that one out. *giggle*

5.) I often wonder why I'm not an alcoholic or locked up in a loony bin.

6.) I have cleaned my oven on Earth Day while running my dishwasher during that magic hour when we are supposed to be sitting in the dark singing Kumbaya. I'm no sheep!

7.) I used to chain smoke. Yeah, that was stupid. Now I feel the unnerving urge to slew foot anyone I see smoking.

8.) Have a unfinished knitting project dating back from 2004. It will likely never be finished even though I see it every morning when I wake up.

9.) I can raise nearly a winter's worth of organic fruit, veg and herbs in my backyard but cannot keep a simple house plant alive for longer than a few months. Even the drought-resistant ones!

10.) There is a spider web in the corner of a window in my upstairs hallway that's been there since I moved into my house....5 years ago!

11.) Suspects that I am the only one in the house that recycles and changes the toilet paper rolls.

12.) Hates people who park next to me in school parking lots. They vary every day and with every pick up/drop-off so I don't discriminate. If you've parked next to me....I hate your guts. Not everyone drives a sardine can and I don't appreciate needing a can opener to get my GD door open!

And lastly...

13.) Doesn't much matter if you've read this blog or if you actually knew any of these random facts about me. However, that said. If I made you chuckle then that pleases me.

OK, nothing else to see here. Move a long.

***edited to add this note: I should have written a paragraph stating that I was writing this blog while in a snarky mood. It's true that I have tendencies toward crumudgeoness but it's usually tempered with a wicked sense of humour. Now that I read this blog again it occurs to me that only people who really know me would recognize that it's written in that spirit. ***

This moment of clarity is brought to you by....

2011-02-08T10:44:00.000-05:00

There are just days when I crawl into my happy place. You know that place that's kept at the back of one's mind. That center of calm, peace and perfect light. It's only acheived by sticking your fingers into your ears and humming loudly while rocking back and forth.

That happy place is crammed in with the clutter of a lifetime. The cobwebs of memories from a fun, free youth. The mental pictures of bucket lists, of long lost hobbies, longings for lipstick, nail polish and this season's clothes. Stashed so far back into the recesses that it takes effort to climb over the horded stash. Things held on to for a time when it could be pulled out again, reexamined and repurposed. That moment when the kids move out.

That's how parenthood makes me feel sometimes. Oh sure, I love being a Mommy. It has it's payoff, certainly. I have two fabulous little boys. Still there are just days when I wonder to myself. "Just what the hell was I thinking?" Sure when it's measured up against the things that I put aside like privacy in the bathroom and the ability to eat or drink anything while it's still hot or even the ability to read a paragraph once without hearing that ear piercing shrill of "Mommy...L just hit me!" . Parenthood wouldn't exactly shine.

I suppose anything that continually gnaws away at sanity, even my tenuous grasp at sanity, it's apt to look a little flawed. This morning is no exception. A day like any other day. The usual morning routine well under way. Breakfast eaten, kids dressed and on our way to a school drop off. The kids playing an annoying game of slap, squeal and kick. My usual response of telling the boys to knock it off ignored. Then asking them why they continue if they know it's only making me angry? Then it escalating to full on anger and scoldings.

Two minutes later I'm fighting the unreasonable battle of trying to give the eldest boy instructions on how to retreive the other child's toy from between the carseat and the door only to find that the eldest doesn't have a clue how to listen long enough to hear the instructions. It was at that moment that I snapped and went running to the happy place. Once safetly inside, I sat and stared out the window for a moment thinking that they had finally acheived it. They owned me. Why on Earth was I even having that conversation? Why was I trying to reason with these beings who couldn't be reasoned with? How had they worked me into this place?

Five minutes later, in the school yard, I could hear another mother having the exact same arguement with her kids. An instant replay of my own melodrama but with a taller stand-in. Whoa....apparently, they are trained in the womb to be terrorist. We aren't bad mommys for wanting some peace. We've got Stockholm Syndrome!

I looked down at E, smartly, and declared that I hoped someday he and his brother would grow up and get married and have a bunch of kids just like them. And if he asks me to babysit he could expect to hear some very loud laughing. Now I understand why grandparents become snowbirds!

The Day After The Prediction

2011-02-03T13:53:00.002-05:00

What can I say....dude knows his shit! There was no chance of him seeing his shadow on the ground yesterday. We got a nice sized snow dump and the sun never peaked out behind the clouds.

Though we pretty much knew we'd declare a snow day it didn't exempt us from being up early. What can I say? I've got young kids. Once I made the executive decision after consulting the authorities...Facebook; Twitter; CP24; and then the view from the front porch, I began pouring what would be an endless stream of coffee.

We huddled together on the couch to watch the footage of our favourite vermin. Punxsutawney Phil. He is the oracle of all things related to spring predictions. If he says it then it must be so! Right?

But just in case, I'm going to try and wring out whatever fun I can get in the next few months. The snowshoe running was hard, thrilling and offered a chance to take the road/trail less traveled and that has made all the difference!

Sheree, Frank and I (and their two beautiful dogs, Muggins and Sam) exploring the trails in Durham Region.

Don't you threaten me, Buddy!

2011-02-01T09:15:00.002-05:00

The fear mongering has started. Doom they say! Doom....the sky is falling and it's going to dump 20-30 cm of snow. Oh big deal.

Oh that's right the last time this happened they called in the army and all of the prairie provinces chuckled smugly.

I'm all about preplanning. Cancel whatever isn't essential. Stock up on whatever I'd need in the next two to three days if for whatever reason the roads were impassable. Perhaps even visit the liquor barn and get a couple bottles of nice wine to go with that winter stew and crusty bread. Sit back and enjoy watching the view from the windows.

Venture out on foot in the snowshoes for some exercise and to survey the newly painted landscape. Dig the skating rink out a little and glide a long under the falling snow, defend the snow fort against the war waging kidlets. Shoveling is the only activity that is essential. I've got a collection of craft supplies for the kids, magazines and knitting projects for myself. Though honestly, I can't imagine this snowmageddon offering much more than a diversion and a guarantee that the Groundhog will not see his shadow tomorrow.

What would you do if you were snowed in?

Finally!!! The last day of January!

2011-01-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

Yep that's about the extent of the fun in January. I have to say though I've been enjoying winter more than usual I do not enjoy January. It's just one of those months, like August, that just seem to drag on forever.

Today it's cold and they say it will continue to get colder as the day chugs along. Well currently it's -19c and with the wind it's -25C. Certainly not the mild winter we got last year.

The worst part is that in this weather they keep the kids in and they don't get to stretch their legs quite the way they would if they were dressed up like tiny Michelin Men and booted outside to run for 20 minutes. There is no break in the day really when all they do is change classrooms or even get ushered into the gym to run there.

Soon, it will be February and I'll be celebrating Groundhogs day. It also appears that Groundhog day might wind up being a snow day so we can get up and enjoy the telecast in pj's! See so much to look forward to in February!

Cootie Alert!

2011-01-27T11:22:00.001-05:00

It wouldn't be winter without a few good colds spread along in the family the way one might pass the salt at the dinner table. This one originated with my oldest boy and was handed down unceremoniously to the little one who hasn't learned the fine art of using a Kleenex. E is a "sniffer". L is a "wipe it up the full length of his sleeve", kid.

So when they get colds it drives me nuts. Yesterday L's cough was so bad that he came home early from school because his tummy was starting to hurt. He couldn't stop coughing. His appetite way down, his eye lids droopy. The only silver lining in him getting sick is that he gets really cuddly when he's not well. And I sacrifice my own good health to lap up all that cuddle time. Even if I complain when I can't breathe through my nose or feel like something scraped off the bottom of a shoe, I love the snuggling.

The cough getting worse and changing during the night had us dropping E off at school and going straight to the doctors. Necessary but unpleasant as that was. The office teaming with all the sick kids it could hold. The adults looking tired and uncomfortable knowing that whatever their own child had was likely nothing compared to the Typhoid Mary sitting next to them. Every parent surreptitiously scoping out the children to see if they could find the sickest and persuade their own child to avoid them.

Kudos to the parents who offered up their Blackberry and Ipods as entertainment to keep their kids away from the contaminated junior set. This was a dire sacrifice, indeed, as it seemed the wait list was terminal. I had long ago realized that even when a child is sick there is little you can do to shield them once they enter school. So my boy was the only one very happily playing with the cootie toys. Of course I was still white knuckling the disinfectant gel bottle waiting for him to come back to me to be decontaminated.

Perhaps this will be a quiet weekend spent close to home. Some scouring. Some baking to entice an appetite. Some crafts and perhaps a little play in the snow if we turn the corner on the cootie-zone.

Stupid school house germs.

Cold Monday

2011-01-24T19:27:00.000-05:00

Spent shopping to the beat of my own drummer. It was grocery day. Actually, that whole task feels like it sucked up the better part of my day. I left the house around 10:30 and got home around noon. I'm still trying to figure out just exactly why it took so long? Strange. Though I will say that as far as grocery shopping goes, I rather enjoyed myself.

The store wasn't busy. The shelves were stocked with everything I needed with enough organic produce to get me through this week's planned meals.

No one getting in my way. No children to distract me. My bluetooth headset playing a very long playlist of all my favourite tunes. I caught myself humming or mouthing the words a few times. Didn't matter to me that I might have looked a little off, I was relaxed and having fun. Who can say that their last food shopping trip left them happy?

I was also delighted in the little indulgence of a cast iron skillet. It's being seasoned as I type. I'll keep seasoning it today and tomorrow until it's smooth and black. I can't wait to make my first dutch apple pancake! All of my other iron skillets have gone missing over the years and instead of just buying new ones I hold on to hope that they will return. They never have *sob* This one will be guarded fiercely.

Today is a good day for day dreaming about spring. The one thing that cheered me up was seeing the Valentine's Day displays and all the spring flowers. Soon, spring will happen. And when it does...I'm going to be freaking giddy! It was miserable out today. At least if it's going to be that cold it would be nice if the sun were out. I'm in some dire need of Vitamin D, oh and some dirt under my finger nails.

Come one Spring....mama has cabin fever!

Ode To My Doggies

2011-01-23T22:32:00.000-05:00

Because not all my blog posts need to be rants.

Some of you don't know this but I've got two dogs. Both are Dachshunds. Both are nuts. Both drive me insane. A few of my friends have said that they heard me talk about my dogs and have visited my home but have never seen them. Well there's a reason....my dogs embarrass me.

Finnigan is a Hannibal Lecter in training. A smooth dapple coat, standing all of 12 inches tall and 40 inches long, he'd have your liver with a fine Chianti if given the opportunity. Nah, that's an exaggeration. He's actually really sweet once he gets to know you and he's only been exceptional with us but show him a dog that's not his brother and he FREAKS out. He loses it if he sees a dog on the flat screen. I can no longer watch equestrian riding because he leaps around trying to get at the horse on the TV. We've nearly given up walking him due to his irrationality. Blowing leaves, snowmen and flags have all met his wrath. The neighbours look out their windows when we put them on leashes because it sounds like a cheap soundtrack from a prison break movie. He is chewing his way through the back cedar fence to get at the little puff-ball dog on the other side! Totally embarrassing.

Casey is the opposite though he gets rather cranky with Finnigan and really, who could blame him? With all that silly aggression, Finnigan can grate on the nerves. Casey is a long-haired blonde wiener the same height and length but about 25lbs heavier. I've nicknamed him Haggis. All Casey thinks about night and day is food. He has chewed his way into a 40lb bag of kibble and eaten himself to sleep, woken up and started all over. If he were human I would have had to chain the fridge and cupboards closed. He's daft and wants a whole lot of love. He will stare at you with his big brown eyes to make you feel guilty for not sharing your coffee!

We got Finnigan just a few days after we got married. Finnigan had separation anxiety so badly that we bought him his own dog. Casey is actually Finnigan's dog. Two wiener puppies less than two weeks apart equals a whole lot of stress. When we got them, we lived in an apartment on Bloor Street West and the owner didn't want dogs on the premises so we had to move out within a month of getting them. We wanted to move anyway but they hastened the search.

We've had them for 7 years now and they've mellowed with professional training and age. Finnigan's muzzle is greying. Casey naps more these days then he used too. Now that the boys are older and I've got more energy to spread around I've been enjoying them a little more than I did when the boys were really young.

On super cold days there is nothing better than knitting with a wiener on your feet and one on your lap. Who needs slippers when you've got a Casey? They are awesome security. When they bark you can hear them down the block. No one can walk up to the porch without the wiener security system alerting me.

However crazy they are....and they totally are! I love them.

dhyāna

2011-01-21T23:00:00.003-05:00

Sometimes it's better to have a distraction then it is to actually put words to an irritation. Happy dancing around the vitriol.

I have this absolutely fabulous friend. She's my I Ching. The translator of the Rosetta Stone. She always has the answers and it is likely because she's lived a life. Had many experiences and has no problem being real about sharing those life lessons. On top of being this great wealth of experience and alternate perspectives she is just completely interesting. She isn't done living life and she makes no bones about it. I love that she appears fearless! Never predictable and I love her! Hopefully, she knows this.

When I'm faced with something that niggles at me. I wonder to myself. What would she do? What would she offer me in the way of another perspective. Since we've been friends I've opened myself up in ways I never knew possible. I've grown a lot. She's inspired me to do things I never thought I'd entertain and it's all in the spirit of expanding my threshold. Challenged to live this life I've been given instead of merely shutting down and saying no to things that are new or uncomfortable. I hope that I offer her back even a 10th of what she gives me.

It's in the spirit of writing this blog that I'm redirecting myself to think of better things than the irritants that niggle when my mind is idle. Consciously not giving name to the people and slights that take up space without paying rent. Crowding out the negative people and thoughts with the good things that give back in positive ways and nourishes my soul rather than robbing it blind.

Turning my thoughts inward, re-examining what I once thought to be true. Tipping the painting on end to take get another work of art, entirely. Almost Zen. Thank you, my friend!

Winter

2011-01-13T09:28:00.000-05:00

We've got a situation! *roar*

I've really been warming up to winter, lately. Or I should say it doesn't bother me as much as it once did. Perhaps it's because I'm forced out of my warm den each day to drop one or two of my kids off at school when I'd prefer to chug coffee in my PJ's.

Could be that because I'm addicted to running that I am forced to layer up and head out to prove that I can conquer the elements. Though it's been unanimously agreed to that pooping in the bush in the dead of winter is the true test to being hardcore. You might be shaking your head wondering where that comes from. For clarification, it's a runner thing.

I've found myself enjoying shoveling the driveway and got quite put out yesterday when I couldn't find the shovel. This morning on just one cup of coffee I enjoyed defending a snow fort from rambunctious school kids. More and more I find myself being drawn to winter sports. We have a new rink in our backyard that requires me to purchase skates. I haven't been on skates legitimately since I was 12. I want to take up snowshoe running but haven't found anyone willing to take on this challenge with me. I may just have to do it on my own. Now how hard core is that?

The other day I nearly challenged a girlfriend of mine to a snow plank-off. I'd likely lose since she's in my better shape but it seemed like a hard core punishment that we'd both enjoy. You'd have thought that after 10 years living in Winnipeg that I'd have earned this wintertime appreciation much sooner.

Today it's a crisp -17C with the wind and the sun is bright and gleams off the snow in deep blue hues. I just want to be out there. Too bad I have to wait until tonight to enjoy a winter run. Perhaps part of my budding love for winter is just a distraction from my desire for spring? January always brings a fresh crop of seed catalogues and gardening dreams. What's the cure for cabin fever? Yes, snow planks!

The End of Another Year...Good Bye 2010

2010-12-31T16:14:00.001-05:00

While I waited for a moronic woman reading the label on her carton of milk, to move her cart which she left in the middle of the aisle, it occurred to me that I could redirect my rage to something more positive. You know? Like thinking up some New Year's Resolutions.

No really, it was my fault for daring to get a few weeks worth of groceries on a day when just everyone needed to converge on the same grocery store that I frequent. What was I thinking? Clearly, not of my new resolutions.

This last week or two I've had some vague ideas float through the transom of my mind. Some about weight loss and exercise. Some about inner self-improvements. Instead of writing a list of the same what not to do's I've thought perhaps it may be more effective to write a list of goals instead. A wish list for 2011, of sorts.

Of course, on that list are a bunch of running goals both distance and time/speed. What would my wish list be if I didn't have at least one destination race listed among the other races? This year trail running will be thrown into the mix. I have some fitness goals outside of running too. It would be nice if I could get through one of Misty's classes without stopping or grumbling. I'm sure she'd be impressed to hear me not whine for a change!

One large entry is to revamp our eating habits. It's not enough that I should adhere to a clean eating habit and extend my years on this Earth. I am hell bent to make sure my husband's days are pleasantly extended. *stop rolling your eyes, Husband!* It's true, he will put up the biggest fuss but then when he protests about eating lentils I'll remind him that it's better than allowing me to order Chinese!

A long with revamping our diets I also pledge to double my garden size and freezing/canning output. I was able to put up several months worth of fruit and vegetables, the stockpile which has since been utterly depleted. I believe strongly in quality and sustainability. This goal also goes a long way to my getting more mellow. I thoroughly enjoyed gardening on mass last year. I'm already craving to get my hands into the seeds and soil.

There are of course wishes like more time with my husband, as a couple, instead of just two parents waiting until bedtime to get some peace and quiet. There are the entries for having more fun with the kids instead of just shuffling between activities and chores. I would like to remember what it was like to be a child, again. Then there is an entry for being a better friend to those I care about. One more entry for spending my spare or rather quiet time in more fruitful pursuits than watching TV.

Mostly this year I've decided I will not say "no-never"! No more shutting the door on an idea before I can have a chance to truly examine it. I can safely say that back when I was a chain smoker (yes, and it wasn't so very long ago either...my shame is great) that I said there was no way I'd ever be addicted to running. Goes to show..."no never" is a horrible train of thought.

As for my general unsociable qualities and potty mouth....well, if I changed everything about myself then no one would recognize me *snort*

Happy New Years! Peace, love and fun to you all!

It isn't over till the exhausted lady pours her tea!

2010-12-25T21:44:00.001-05:00

It's a wrap. 8 pm rolled around and only the little bits of wrapping paper peeking out from under the couch remained. The kitchen cleared of much of dishes and dinner remnants. One kid passed out on the floor the other trying to decide how to carry all his bounty up the stairs. The guests gone home to relax and let their over stuffed bodies settle.

It's amazing but the only other time when a day passed so fast was my wedding day. Truly a blur. I'm told our day started at 6 am when my husband crept downstairs by-passing the still sleeping children to start the coffee and make sure everything was ready for the kid's grand entrance.

Once in sight of the tree there was a wild frenzy that overcame the kids. Without parental refereeing they would have opened every one's presents without so much as a thought or care. The unwrapping of their entire stash didn't take longer then 7 minutes. A new record! Then they were so excited to dive into playing that neither husband nor I got a chance to open our own presents until nearly everything had been explored.

The rest of the day was occupied with food prep and entertaining. Though never far from my hobbies I managed to incorporate my two dark passions. Running and Cooking. Yes, I used my Garmin to time the basting. Every thirty minute interval had me up on my feet and pulling out the bird. I got so good at it by the last 30 minutes that I could get the bird back into the oven before the end of the walk break! Ha let's see Martha do something that cool!

Now with the kids in bed and my run gear in the wash for tomorrow I'm looking forward to a cup of tea, my knitting and a good night's sleep. This was a good Christmas. Far better than we had anticipated. It almost feels as if I've been danced off my feet.

In the words of Ebenezer Scrooge "I have little right to be this happy but I just can't help myself!"

Merry Christmas!

Who'da Thought?

2010-12-23T09:59:00.001-05:00

I think my memory must on the fritz. For some reason I remember that when I was a little girl, the Santa list read: a baby doll in a pink dress, a Raggedy Ann, a tea set and a skipping rope.

I don't ever remember a time shopping for my boys when the gifts had an air of simplicity. Searching for toys for them means sifting through the thirty different themed sets of Lego. Getting just the right type of race track with the cars that change colour in water. Not just any video game but one that can tell when you've walked in the room and identify you. I don't believe they asked for anything that was generic save for the "bird" my eldest son declared he had to have. Though he just said "bird", he was very specific in what colour bird he wanted.

I've also noticed that with the very specific gifts comes a very specific price tag. Expensive. It is the exclusiveness of these crazy kitted out toys that kills me. I hunted all over Durham Region for one of the kids toys this year and when I finally got it in my hands and paid for then tucked away safetly at home I sobered up. Turns out that purchase was largely fueled by the chase.

My husband reminded me of a time when he was a kid and his dad gave him an empty appliance box. Not as a christmas gift, he was frugal but not a cheapskate. From this large box he fashioned many exciting toys. Spaceship, castle, dog house, as examples. The box captured his imagination and within it's paper confines anything was possible.

Now toys have lights, annoying music, sensors and the capacity to remember more than a 60 year-old person. It comes in ten exciting colours and can be recalled at any time due to lead in the paint. Staggering....I know.

I also recall my own mom telling that when she was a little girl she was happy with a rubber baby doll. I guess being crusty is a hand-me-down.

All I want for Christmas is clarity, hope and a Golden Retriever

2010-12-22T17:25:00.001-05:00

A few days until Christmas and we aren't ready. After being hit with a figurative truck we are struggling to right ourselves and get into Christmas mode. I'm not going to share the reason for the derailment, it's far too personal even for this blog. Though, I will say this, it sure has brought on a much deeper meaning of what this Christmas will mean to everyone in our family.

So I dash about making lists, checking them twice then editing the plans and recreating the holiday that was originally planned to accomodate a new and enlargened version. More gifts to be purchased and far more food needs to be acquired. Simplicity is being redefined.

If someone asked me a little over a week ago what I wanted for Christmas they'd have gotten a completely different answer than the one I'm asking for now. All I want for Christmas now is clarity and hope. Ok, that and a Golden Retriever that I can take out on 5k's.

Well A Fine How Do Yah Do....

2010-12-13T12:10:00.001-05:00

Man forget saying Merry Christmas to some people. I'm ever so grateful that my Christmas Shopping is winding down and that this year I can do it all by myself because I'm not sure after a shopping excursion that my kids wouldn't come home with a few new swear words to add to their "I'm not allowed to say that" list. OK, stop laughing. It is true that they pretty much have heard my full repetoire but have the good sense not to repeat "Mommy" words. *snort*

After getting some work done early this morning after a double school drop off I thought I'd head out and knock a few things off my list. In the first shop I nearly got knocked over by a large man, and when I say large, I mean, block the sun. Clearly he didn't notice me under his foot! Not so much as a "sorry I didn't see you there, can I help wipe my boot print off your forehead?" Nope, he just kept marching straight past so that he could be the first to get to a display of slippers. Fine, straighten my ruffled feathers and continue on.

Next a woman cuts in front of me in a long line up at the cash register. She's got just one item, clearly the gloves must have been deadly heavy. Instead of making a big deal of it, I choose to let her go thinking someday she'll do that to the wrong person and get her butt kick from Karma.

A couple of items acquired I move on to the next shop. Five minutes inside and there it is. The truth I must now acknowledge. This next gift could be a bomb. It's like shopping for a new nuclear reactor when you haven't got a clue how much one ought to cost or what features it should have. It just spells trouble. That's a gross exaggeration but when you consider that a ill planned gift can blow up just as big, it's a big decision. Choose wrong and someone gets hurt.

There I was, holding up a line at a frantic store. Asking an opinion-based questions of something which I had no working knowledge. I got eye rolls from the younger patrions. I got grumpy/impatient expressions from those senior to me. I could read their thoughts "Oh lady, just buy them both and return one after the holidays like everyone else!" I turned my back and pretended to not notice the back up I was causing. Talk about performance pressure.

Here's a warning to you all: Buy your can of cranberries early and you'll avoid the inevidable stink eye from a fellow, pleasant, holiday shopper.

The Hunt

2010-12-08T21:06:00.001-05:00

Christmas shopping, one of my not so fun things to do. Well that's not necessarily true. I like the feeling of dragging all the loot into the house much the way a cat likes to leave it's people the spoils of the hunt on the front porch. Do I enjoy the mall? Nope, not even a little.

We were fortunate to have a chunk of time sans kidlets today and decided to use that time to getter done. Yep the whole list for the kids was accomplished in one go.

Now if only my husband would tell me what is on his wish list. It drives me crazy when he shrugs and says that he doesn't want anything. I'd be willing to bet there were as many toys on his list as there was on the boy's never ending list. While walking around the toy store this afternoon I could hear him the aisle over "light sabers...so cool" and "oh wow, they've got The Iron Sheik!" I'd also be willing to bet there would be more than a handful of video games he'd love to have. I'm a little envious in one respect. He gets to revisit his youth by playing with the boys and their toys. I'm not so much big on the little green army men and Matchbox cars especially when I step on them in the dark!

I will admit I looked longingly at the big display of fashion Barbies. I miss that new Barbie smell *sigh*

The Odd Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of.

2010-12-07T10:01:00.002-05:00

That's right little pink fluff, dream about your cute little hat. I love knitted hats but don't actually own one that I like. I'm bad for either knitting or buying nice hats for other people but when it comes to me, it just doesn't happen.

Actually, besides running gear I really don't have anything in the way of proper winter clothes. You can certainly see where my priorities lie. *giggle*
I was out in the weather for about twenty minutes this morning dropping one of my boys at school and found myself actually trying to dodge the wind. I think my hard Winnipeg edge is wearing thin. It's time for me to knit myself a hat.

Oh wait, that's right. I'm still working on Sheree's project. Sorry Sheree, I suck *frowny face* Ok, so I guess I'm working on that today *wink* At least my lap will be warm!

What Am I Craving?

2010-12-06T13:43:00.000-05:00

Oh man, I've got a craving and I can't put my finger on it. Well actually, I can but I'm not going there. But because I'm denying my love for all things Diet Coke and Chips I am reduced to scouring about for a healthy substitute that will fill the gap. It doesn't help that I'm fussy.

I've eaten a good breakfast and a decent lunch. I've had a couple of glasses of water and some Sencha but it's still there. It's still calling me. I'm sure most of it stems from it being the holiday season and the power of suggestion is strong with me. Very strong...Yoda strong. So what's a girl to do? Well in my case not much more than just plain denial. If what is good is not pallitable and I only want something bad...nothing is what I get.

Ok, fine. What now? Distractions! Yes, good suggestion. I suppose that's what is fueling this odd dialogue/blog today. I found this site that lists what your body is really saying you are craving when you want things like chips and pop. Calcium and Chloride. Um ok. Fascinating huh?

Later I'll be craving Turtles, mandarin oranges, brie, cognac goose liver pâté on crackling whole grain baguette and Sauvingnon Blanc. Gee what does that mean? Holiday Hell!

Weekend in Review

2010-12-05T20:46:00.000-05:00

This was one busy weekend. Had a really great morning on Saturday. Got out for a good warm up run with the BRC then headed to the Santa Shuffle with Cheryl and ran a pretty good race. It wasn't a personal best but I'd be I could have pulled that out of the hat had I been in race mode from the beginning. I'm very pleased at my training so far. It's picking up nicely and I'm starting to feel like a runner again. I will say this. Racing is so much better with tunes. Stupid Ipod died before the club run and I didn't want the hassel of fiddling with the Blackberry for tunes as I still have not set up proper playlists yet. It is now on the list of stuff to do this week, that and recharging my ipod. At least it wasn't my Garmin!

I got a couple hours of peace after getting home. I was pretty cold after sitting so long in wet gear. I lobstered for a while in the tub then headed down and had some lunch. Even got to watch a movie and get good and sleepy by the time the guys returned. They were out marching in the Santa Parade and you would think all that exercise and fresh air would have tired them out. Nope, wired! Spent the rest of the night entertaining them and when they finally went to bed at 8, I was so bored that I retired at 9. Yep, I'm that exciting.

This morning no sooner than I got a cup of coffee down it was time to get dressed and head out shopping. My laptop has been dying a painful death for the last month or so. The lid/screen is just about to snap off and it is so slow. Husband has been treatening to get me a new one for a long time and today I relented. Sadly, we didn't pause to look up what time the stores opened and were about an hour too early for the electronics store. So off to wander around in Walmart. Luckily, it was empty and we managed to get some things for the boys to start the Holiday list.

Then off to drop some wampum at Best Buy. Where for an hour I watched E play a game on their demo Kinect. He was really good. I had a ball just watching him bop around and laugh. Of course L got bored after a few minutes and started to wander away. So there I was standing in the middle of an aisle separating the two departments keeping an eye on one child and the other on L. I have to admit I was amazed at the constant stream of people leaving the store with really large flat screens.

The rest of the day was dedicated to putting up the Christmas tree and putting out the trinkets. This is always one hell of a production. Each year husband and I swear we'll get a new tree. The one we have is a throw back to my Winnipeg days. I figure it's got to be at least 14 years old. Still in good shape but next to the new prelit easy to put up models this one is down right archaic. Maybe next year....? *giggle*

Half way through assembling it and putting the lights on husband turned to me and asked where the bottle of rum was. After searching for that for a while I just gave up and made a shaker of Cosmos. Decorating the tree after that was a sinch. Now it's just a matter of keeping the weiners from trying to christen it and the kids from playing with the ornaments.

The snow has been falling ever since. We've already taken a pass at the driveway and porch and by the way it's still coming down I'll need to get out early and take another pass at it. So glad I found the snow pants at least that's one less bad mommy award I'll win this week.

Well back to moving my files over from the old laptop. Bah...technology is no one's friend. If it were I'd have a robo-mixologist keeping me in gin!

The Butt Misty Broke!

2010-12-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

Dear Misty,

I've been attending some of your workout classes for the last couple of months and they are really swell. A new experience each and every class. Tough. Challenging.

However, I woke up this morning and attempted to go a long my morning routine when I realize that you made me break my butt. It may have been the 200 lunges performed in class yesterday morning. My one request to go forward, please send me a taller toilet.

Pleasethanx.
You're devoted client.

Katie

Do You See What I See?

2010-12-01T12:39:00.000-05:00

It's the first day of December and it's snowing! That means for me it's the first Day of the Christmas Season. I'm even in a very light mood.

Yeah, I know while so many are chomping at the bit to break out the holiday trim the day after Halloween, I like to saver each season. Each special day. I spent a little while winding down from Halloween. Then working my way to Remembrance Day. Then the happy non-holiday space in between. Getting mentally geared up to have my house taken over by holiday trim and Christmas music.

It is true that I tend to tire of it quickly once the day comes and goes and want to liberate my space of all the decor and stuff the tree back to where it came. Picture the Grinch shoving the tree into the chimney! I would be successful too if it weren't for the fact that hubby and the kids protest. That is one of the reasons why there isn't much done before December 1st.

Today is that day though. It's time to bust open a can of Christmas and get in the swing. I've also been blessed with a little dose of fluffy snow flakes to really get the season off to a jazzy start. This weekend the tree and all comes out. Tonight a Ho-Ho-Ho martini to kill the pain of a harsh morning workout and some Christmas Tunes while I get some work done. Yes...dip a toe in. The season is fine......!

The Last Vent of the Pre-Holiday Season

2010-11-30T12:47:00.002-05:00

Ever feel like a warm wallet? Ever get your back up when every where you go someone is asking you for more and more money? For my husband and I it seems the last few holidays have been brutal for this. Now my husband works for Sick Kids Foundation and sees where the money goes. Not a day goes by when he hasn't seen a biography of a very sick child and his/her resume of treatments and surgeries (though they have these long necklaces of beads, each representing some sort of treatment/surgery).

Always reminded of the many hardships their family's have endured to find help for their children. It weighs on him heavily and on me in return. We've never begrudged a dime of the money we donate to that cause and always wish we could do more.

Then there are the 5 million other causes that ask, and ask, and ask, all year long. Programs all very, very worthy and so vastly under funded that their only real sources of income come from charitable giving. Then there are schools fund raising events, churches, and after school activities. It never ends. Really, it never ends! Of course I run the risk of people hating me for even putting this in print. I am an adult and can say no to a cause when it comes to extra giving. Everyone is entitled to their limit. But everyone has a limit to how much their beating heart can be twisted.

There are those special charities like Harvest, Adopt-a-family, and any other where the goods actually get put right into the hands of the people who need it, with the fewest people in between. These are the ones I target the most. I never actually need to see them to know that "there by the grace of God, go I". I just happen to be the lucky one that gets to give instead of it being the other way around.

I have been blue all day thinking of the young girl who will be the recipient of one of the charitable projects that E's class is doing this year. Yes, a homeless girl. Can you imagine such a thing? Sadly, I can. I lived in a city center where I got to see lots of that. It was heart breaking. I spent the morning shopping with my youngest, for this particular girl. I intend to go back and pick up the rest of the list that doesn't get picked out by the other classmate's parents. It's the very least I can do because I can't rush in and save her.

The final slap was an email circulated today for a donation to a gift for an after school activity instructor whom I will not name nor give hint to what activity (He is very well paid I should add before I'm BBQ'd). The email suggested that the gift was in the hundreds. Really? All I could think was, Wow! That's extravagant given that though he is a great instructor, such an expensive gift seems ill placed. Then there was the question as to motive. Why such an expensive gift? Do people really expect such elaborate things? Likely not. Then why? What is this person getting out of arranging such a ridiculous display? And there it is....the ugly side of Holiday Stress.

Have I turned into a Grinch? Have I become a judgy-judgerson? Or is this just a symptom of being stung by the needs of the world and the guilt that comes from living in a materialistic world? There are days when I want to shrug it all off and go live in the mountains. Today is one of those days.

Who Are You Looking At?

2010-11-29T11:39:00.006-05:00

"Hurry up? Geez you're so slow...don't you want to get out there and run?"

"Well, yeah, but why rush? Both boys are in school and I've got lots of time. "

"Yeah, time to be a turtle. I've got a goal and you're going to come a long so hurry up."

Out in the open air the sun glinting off the bits of pavement recently thawed. The fields littered with ragged weeds and strewn tumble weeds of litter. The occasional squirrel clucking at us as we run past.

People driving toward us gawking and shaking their heads. As if a foot race is the most foreign concept to them at that moment. A nod or a hand wave from the rare driver who without the car is a runner, as well. An unspoken bond. Secret handshake.

With new music downloaded and a nice supply of energy I thumb through the playlist looking for the perfect song to match a pace beat too. It's a challenge. My run partner is always just a few beats quicker. Shooting me frustrated looks. "Go faster....screw negative split conservation, let's go! The return trip takes care of itself!"

I find a song and then fall casually into pace. Enjoying the feel of being back at the distance. Emptying my mind of all the important things. Letting things fall away until I feel a tug at my jacket..."come on!!!"

Needing to stop and wait out a light I get more sour puss stares but I turn my head and take a sip of water and get ready to cross the street and keep going. Once back at a steady pace I'm able to take a look around. It's 28 days till Christmas and everyone is getting into the swing. I see deflated snowman, Santas and snow globes just waiting for the right time to be pumped up to greet the children as they pass. I say a silent hello to them anyway. I kinda know how they feel. I'm starting to fatigue and my partner is pissing me off.

On the return I'm harped at even more. Thankfully, it seems a faster return than I had expected. Though now it's mostly on an up hill grade. Trying very hard to shut the mind off but with every tweet of my Garmin my partner looks like she's going to kick me. I'm amazed she hasn't started calling me worse names yet.

Only 2K left. I pick up my pace slightly and see my partner sneer. We start rounding our way through the streets leading to the end of the run and she picks up her pace. I look at my Garmin and skip the last walk break and start to find that rhythmic pattern so that I can increase the pace. 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4 on and on and on and around the corner the end in sight. Breaking free, building faster and faster. Across the line. 10.05K complete. Cooling down. Finally my partner grabs my wrist with the Garmin and regards it for a minute. I bristle waiting for her to tear a strip off me.

"Huh, how long has it been?"

"8 months give or take a couple of days."

"meh, not too shabby" and she turns and bounds up the stairs and into the house.

I look down. 1 hr 12 mins. Yeah, not too shabby.

Anticipation/Frustration...hey they rhyme!

2010-11-28T19:22:00.005-05:00

If you are a friend of mine you know that I've had a real fun time replacing a dishwasher. The fiasco started back when we moved into our house 5 years ago. When we moved in we really didn't question why the owner never bothered to fill the whole under the cabinet where the dishwasher ought to have been. We had a portable that was only purchased just over a year before so there was no rush to purchase something to fill the gap. Instead, we put a shelf in the space and put our microwave and bar fridge in there. This was a nice compromise.

I never much liked the portable, it did the job well and I was too cheap to get rid of it so long as it was functioning. Then last May the bottom sprayers some how magically became clogged. I asked my husband to take one of my plastic knitting needles and unclog it but I guess he thought the job was too disgusting to attempt and the next thing I knew we had purchased a nice new shiny dishwasher. Finally, I was going to get all that space back that the portable was taking up. We'd relocate the microwave and fridge. I'd get a dishwasher right across from the sink! Hallelujah!

Nope, not even close. Turns out it couldn't be done. The reason the owner never bothered was because he made a huge mistake when he changed the location of the sink causing the builder to relocate the cold air return vents which now ran directly under the island where the dishwasher needed to be. There was no hope of running any sort of plumbing when there was the venting there.

Finally, after staring at the very big box with my nice shiny new all the bells and whistles dishwasher for five months. The vents got moved. Then after both a plumber and electrician came in to install it, it's up and running in fabulous form. No more sink full of dishes. No more doing them by hand. Only thing is now it takes 3-4 hours a load. Some new energy economizing function on this machine. If it stretches out the length it takes for the loads to complete the less energy it requires. You'd think that would be important what with the hydro rates sky rocketing. JUMPING JESUS ON A POGO STICK!!!!! Are you kidding me???

Gahhhh what's a girl got to do to get some clean dishes? I could hand wash every cup, knife, fork and dish in the house plus my wedding china and crystal in the time it takes to do a lousy simple load of dishes. I'd still have time to polish the silver too!

I'd laugh if it wasn't so completely freaking ridiculous. You all wonder why I threaten to drink all the time?

The Little Things in Life

2010-11-27T08:14:00.004-05:00

You know when I'm not blogging I feel a little lost. It's the oddest thing but my creativity flows best when I'm putting things out there into the great void. Now I know some of you read this blog but when I started I figured that mostly it would go ignored (which is fine) and it would just turn into a diary of sorts. Like a message in a bottle. A peg to hang a hat on.

As I write, it's snowing out. The first real snow fall of the season and I should be out running with the club but have elected to stay home and hang out with L while husband and E are at a karate competition. It makes for a little bit of a boring morning. That snow is calling me...come run, come run. I feel like I do when I really want a diet coke.

That feeling of being a little wistful had me on the search for Vibrams again. I tried back on Tuesday to find a store location in the GTA but sadly each place that I contacted said that they were on back order and that the orders were incredibly slow to come in. I didn't want to order straight from the site because of the fit. Vibrams are notoriously difficult to fit blindly. You must measure both feet in a particular manner and then pick the longest foots measurement convert it and voila, either a good fit or a really bad fit.

Then the pair that I wanted most couldn't be ordered through the site but rather in the store. I guess I gave up the hunt at that point. But then Misty said she got her hands on some through a client (measurement goof) and she loved them. So it spurred me on. I went back to the website at 7:00 am barely awake. Coffee cup in one hand credit card in the other. And now I'm going to go and sit by the front door window waiting for my package! Ok so no I'm not that silly but I am anxious and can't wait to get out there in them. Aren't they pretty? Ok they are henious to look at and I'll look like a hobbit what with my cankles and all but so what? I wasn't winning any Running World cover shoots anyway.

Oh it's so beautiful out there...a thin blanket of perfection while more fluffy flakes flutter downward. I'm nearly tempted to bundle L up and pull out the jogging stroller, weigh down the empty seat, next to him and do a 5K trot. Ohhhh the idea is planted!

Wow, It's been a long time!

2010-11-13T20:33:00.003-05:00

Gosh it's been what? Two, three weeks since the last blog? Gee you'd think I didn't have anything to say. Yeah I know, hard to believe.

There has actually been way too much going on for the last three weeks. Lots of stress, less time than is required and a lot of crazy. But then doesn't that sound like everyone's life too. Yep we aren't immune.

The good news is that my training has ramped up again. Feeling stronger than I have in a long time. Seeing some improvements and getting my mojo back. I have to thank my awesome friends Sheree and Misty for kicking my ass repeatedly to get me to snap out of my comfort zone. I wont kid you, I've made just about every excuse I could. Letting my fears of re-injury keep me in a holding pattern. I suppose there just comes a point when you see what you want and know you are just not going to acheive it by standing there watching everyone else.

Now comes the process of getting back to a healthier lifestyle. Moving toward a better diet and better rest. Better quality everything.

Happy Halloween!

2010-11-01T09:34:00.002-04:00

Wow, it's come and gone. The frantic race to design and sew two unique costumes. Then decorating the house and reeving the kids up for the day. I took out just about every book left in the library with a Halloween theme and read them in a crazy marathon of bedtime stories.

October is always a rush and each year it becomes an event that is more fun. The kids still howl if they see a haunted house and skirt the scary displays outside of the occasional house but they require less and less prompting each year. This year E was up there pounding on the door and yelling trick or treat as if his life depended on it. L was all in too but had me biting my lip each time I watched him navigate a pair of hazardous looking stairs. He was a real champ and was the last to give up the Halloween Hunt.

Once the booty was poured out on the floor he got the idea that he wanted to roll around in the pile the way adults dream of rolling around in a big pile of lottery winnings. It was all too hilarious. Though apparently, I'm the type of parent who utters "eat the whole sucker, no wasting!" *eye roll*

I have to admit I think I enjoy Halloween more as Mommy watching her boys have the fun she had as a kid. Not only can I relive that bygone fun but I can help spread the spooky sticky-handed joy.

Oh Enough Already!

2010-10-27T09:14:00.002-04:00

This is the cold that never ends! Seriously, it gives me a day when it hides away making me think it's passing then BLAMO! It's back with a vengeance. I actually rolled out of bed knowing this was going to be a bad day. I don't like to let colds get the best of me. I try very hard to keep my spirits up because I know that there is something to be said about mind over matter. Still, holy! It actually felt like something heavy was sitting across my nose.

I sit here now composing this blog which is mostly just me whinning, with a completely congested nose. Later, I'll be coughing and likely lose my voice outright which will mean that the boys have a field day with that. They like it when I expose my soft underbelly. Makes it easier to go in for the kill.

Reason 7042 why I love my Husband

2010-10-20T13:11:00.002-04:00

Life can be really crazy sometimes. Little issues become big issues. A thousand things on the to-do list pulls us in all different directions. Demands of busy days, responsibilities and fewer and fewer hours for personal time can really spin one's head around.

We try to live our lives as simply as possible. Being happy with what we have. Always expressing how blessed we feel we are. Still there are days when the outside world intrudes and we get grumbly. I think it is fairly universal now. Our home is no more unique than the neighbours in that way.

I don't need to list why I love my husband so much. It's usually pretty apparent. I am a lucky woman. But sometimes I'm reminded of just how lucky I am when after a very long and stressful day. After all the dishes are pushed to the side. The kids are rounded up and put to bed in a fashion that expresses how much we care about them and their needs but also trying to get it done to meet a conference call time.

I come downstairs to find the teapot filled and a single cup waiting for me. Some how, some way while he was scrambling about to prepare for the meeting and swooping around to help me with our nighttime routine he filled the kettle and made ME a cup of tea.

I love my husband because he knows me better than I know myself. I love my husband because he demonstrates how much he cares about me even if it's just a simple cup of tea that took him out of his way.

*bliss*

Sick Kid Monday

2010-10-18T08:33:00.002-04:00

What do you get after a fabulous weekend? Yep, a cold. But not just a cold...a kid cold x 2!

Poor little pleas from a darkened room in the middle of the night for a drink of water. An echo of a cough from the other darkened room. That dramatic slap of the snooze button at 6 am.

A full day's schedule being rewritten in haste over the first cup of what will be an endless stream of coffee.

Cranky utterings from children not wanting their mother to intervene and change the channel from a movie they've watched 3 times since 6:30 am. Partly eaten snacks, strewn Kleenex balls and blankets cluttering the living room.

Oh the joys of school house cooties. This will be cold #3 for E and cold #2 for L. I'm feeling a little under the weather myself but I'm sure it's just the ill effects of interrupted sleeps in a strange bed and some of the worst food I've ever consumed, over exertion in the water park and the long drive home. Still, at least for me, if this is the hang over from a weekend filled with adventure, a lighter wallet and thousands of captured memories it was well worth the descent!

Pure Joy!

2010-10-10T19:47:00.005-04:00

Have I ever told you that I adore Thanksgiving? That it is bar none, hands down, my favourite holiday. Not only is it the best culinary day of the year but it is also a weekend worth of priceless family memories.

This year we are lucky enough to have husband's parents join us for a dinner yesterday. FIL's health has been deteriorating rapidly and it sometimes feels like we live week-to-week wondering if we'll get many more memories with him.

This year each boy has had a fun field trip to a farm or farmer's market to explore the bounty of Ontario Farmers. They've come home for a new appreciation of the hard work it takes to put that food on the table from another perspective. Not just from mom waving a finger at them reminding them that there are starving children all over the place that would consider themselves blessed to have what they enjoy without much thought. Seeing it on the farm, touching the dirt and seeing the farmer's life makes it all the more tangible.

As part of our family weekend we took the kids out to Cooper's Organic Farm to trip along in the giant corn maze. Husband and kids were beyond delighted with the Maple Leafs theme because of their rekindled love of hockey. The whole trip was picturesque in such a corny fall themed way but sometimes corny is awesome.

The dinner has been planned and put off until tomorrow since the visit to the farm was followed by a very long family nap and a bit too much watermelon. Can't beat 10lbs of organic watermelon for $1.00!!! Seriously! I love getting into the kitchen with my glass of wine and my ipod loaded with opera favourites. Then kicking back with another glass of wine and letting everything roast for hours while I knit.

Our front porch now has five pumpkins (yeah that'll be work when it comes time to carve them) my kitchen is covered with hand print turkeys. Cut and paste turkeys. Of course my Thanksgiving tree and all my usual decorations. I celebrate large because I want my family to know that they are my everything.

I am blessed with the most fabulous group of friends. I have a good comfortable home that admittedly is not always clean but always warm and welcoming. I got to marry my best friend and
I love that each day he makes me laugh so hard I almost wet myself. My kids make my heart swell with devotion. Most days I even like my crazy wiener dogs. I have skills that make my life a little easier and faith that makes the hard parts more bearable. I don't need a holiday to be reminded of my many blessings but it sure is nice to have a whole day to celebrate them.

Happy Thanksgiving from my crew to yours!

What is wrong with you people?

2010-10-08T12:28:00.004-04:00

Let me say, that I hate cell phones. I only have one because my kids are in some one else's care and I'm not entirely secure with that idea. Yep, I know, I'll grow out of that. But until that day comes I want to be reached if I'm needed.

Now that being said, I also have a phone just like this one in the picture. It's basic. It has a camera on it but the pictures are so spotty that they are unworthy of the effort. I don't have texting or web functions because I've deemed them wholly unnecessary. Essentially, it's the next step to starting a fire and beating it with a wet blanket. It gets the job done.

I spent a gorgeous morning in the pumpkin patch with my smallest darling. He was all smiles and behaved like the angel I'm used to seeing (though I wondered if starting JK had permanently altered that but that is another story....) We tromped through mud, poked at pumpkins, chased some chickens, and got to see all the farm animals. Picture a lovely sunny morning, gorgeous blue sky, golden sunlight lighting up the falling leaves. The perfect fall day.

So here we are, huddled around the farmer in the middle of the corn maze discussing corn and what products you can find corn (ok so everything). Then this woman pulls out her crackberry and starts texting what I could only imagine was a girlfriend. They carried on this text conversation the entire length of the time we were in the corn maze, every few seconds a bleep notification that she had a new text. I estimated we stood there for 25 mins. During that time the two children she was supposed to be watching were fussing and pushing at the other children being minded by the parents that were gawking at the twit with the blackberry.

OMG! Put the damn thing down and enjoy your child for Ch**&^ Sakes! You suck! Of course, I just smiled at her like the idiot I can be when there is something else itching to be said. My only hope at that moment is that I hope that damn thing falls in the toilet, then maybe your daughter can have a happier memory with you.

Ok rant over...phew.... Hey Kyla, goes right back to that discussion we had yesterday! Man alive!

A Parent's Prayer

2010-10-04T18:13:00.002-04:00

Reminder to self: In five years we'll look back on this day and laugh. Then we'll mark it in our journal to read back to our son, as our wedding speech. Perhaps as a narration to a slide show of crazy "wish were never taken" pictures. Just a little get even.

But today it isn't as funny. Today the little hiccups are stressful and even a little heart rending.

As parents, we are given these beautiful little people to raise, mold and care for. I treasure my little guys and they certainly know they are loved. Understood, maybe not so much. As parents, if we understood everything they needed when they needed it, then many of them would reach adulthood with fewer mental scars. There was no manual that came with the diaper bag and spit-up cloths.

All we have is the cache of experiences from our own childhoods. Our own memories of what it was like to be a little one. A kindness that worked for us when we were confused or distracted. A punishment that came with a lesson learned. Many of us have not studied early childhood behaviour manuals. When a child throws a tantrum it's an easy guess that you wouldn't reward that child with the object he's kicking up a fuss about but would you know if he's throwing the tantrum to get attention? Would you know if the reason he's acting out is out of insecurity or low blood sugar?

So without the manual we muddle through. We make our mistakes. We have our triumphs and celebrate. At the end of the day we sit dazed and worried. Or smile and pat ourselves on the back for not dying on that day's hill. The war and it's many battles still lying ahead.

I'm just one of a few mom's drinking from the vodka cow today. Each of us battling blindly to get our kids into adulthood with one less scar. It sounds dramatic because to us, it feels dramatic. They are our everythings.

In five or ten years, I hope I can look back on these days and chuckle. From my lips to God's Ears.

Hmmm What's in Your Freezer?

2010-10-01T09:10:00.008-04:00

It's that time again. The day I go grocery shopping. I've done a good deal of food hording through out the summer and a lot recently with the harvest from my garden.

My freezer seems filled to capacity which makes me wonder, hmmmm what's on the bottom? I know there is at least one turkey in there. I couldn't swing a cat last year without someone giving me a damn turkey.

Each time I dig around in there for ideas for dinner I feel like Jacques Cousteau, deep sea diving for sunken treasures. Going through the murky depths. Delighted by an apple pie. Shocked by a forgotten Lean Cuisine cira 2007. A mislaid bag of peas. Sick enough, at one point it was home to our pet canary (wrapped in layers of paper and double bagged with a label...quease) who had passed during the winter and deserved a proper burial, sans flushing down the toilet for background read this. Don't worry folks, at first thaw he got planted in the flower garden and is now guarded by a heavy decorative rock.

It seems with each shopping trip, something goes in....it's a good wonder if it ever comes back out. *lifts eyebrow*

For all the ladies of the BRC

2010-09-29T20:25:00.003-04:00

It was a topic of conversation before the Brooklin Run Club commenced last night. The discussion of Spanx and Spandex by and large.

The awkward battles to squeeze a certain size body into a tiny sized sausage tube. First one leg, then the next....trying to maintain balance. Then pulling, pulling and pulling until finally it's cutting off the circulation to your head.

Then the awkward roll at the top that cannot be disguised in the bust line. The stupid bulging at the thighs.

Who ever it was that came up with this idea never tried to take a pee in one after a few martinis! Damn you, you people who feel that a size 10 should be a size 2. Clearly you've been wearing a pair of Spanx too long and your brain has atrophied!

I wonder if it wouldn't be more practical to grease up my thighs and wedge myself into a wet suit? At least that way I could go swimming and stay toasty warm instead of having my stomach squeezed nearly out my rectum like a pet store hamster. (ok that last part was Natilee's quote...not mine but pretty much sums it up!)

Blarg Sick

2010-09-27T09:18:00.002-04:00

Crazy weekend! Totally. Killer 6K run on Saturday. It was one of those mornings when you wake up and think. "Hmm well the run will either perk me up or kill me." It killed me.

This whole weekend has been viewed through hazy lenses. With that head not attached feeling. What a drag. The only constructive thing I was able to do this weekend was to give my front yard bushes a haircut.

I just puttered along clipping here and there and tucking the cut branch into the paper bag...moved it a long and clipped a little more. It took about 20 mins but looks much better. We were really getting shaggy there. Once the bag was stashed away I was spent. Ridiculous. Spent the rest of my time either sleeping or vegging on the couch. Now it's Monday and I'm over my head with stuff to do and still feeling sick.

Stupid school house germs!

A whole lot of sweetness in the world

2010-09-23T20:24:00.006-04:00

This week isn't going nearly as fast as I would like. Less than three weeks in and we've had our first taste of school house cooties. Yep, E got sick over the weekend. Yesterday L came down with a sore throat and a wicked cold.

This also means that Mom hasn't had a decent night's sleep since Saturday but no matter as I actually was able to steal some major cuddling time with both of them. That only happens now if they are sick or hurt. I know sucks eh?

I'll be happy to start on a fresh week as well because no matter how much I revise my to-do list, nothing but the bare essentials are getting done. A total drag. I did mange to put in some billable hours today so it is not as I've been sitting on my hands. It's just a rather abstract accomplishment.

What I have managed to achieve this week is nearly a whole week without consuming meat. Tonight's dinner was the first in 6 days to contain meat and I have to say...meh? Not exactly something to miss. I've been very good this week. My bid to eat healthy has amped up a notch. The only treats I've allowed myself this week have been budgeted for and have only been the afternoon coffee. I should really start taking pictures and posting them again. I was doing so well with accountability before the injury.

This morning we were very early for dropping E off at school and for 15 mins we sat in the car and just chatted and listened to the radio. Looking around and enjoying the beginning of the day. Then the cars started to fill in and we watched the parents bringing their kids through the parking lot into the school yard.

I watched intently to each parent and the way they hugged or held hands with their kids. A father with his son walking in slouch manner beside him. An arm casually draped over the boy's shoulders. Then a tug to the baseball cap and the boy was off to join up with his friends way down the yard. The father pausing just long enough to watch his son join the scrum.

Mothers walking with outstretched arms herding their little ones onto the sidewalk as if they were ducklings scattered about but headed in the same direction. Every parent I saw walk past had their own way of showing love to their children. I was happy that I got to see all of that while we waited for the first bell. It's nice to witness the good in the world. That wonderful element of our being.

It is too easy to get sucked into the idea that the world is a big bad place. That the majority would just assume step on your head to get to their destination but witnessing that kind of love, makes me seriously doubt any of that could be true. *sigh* My world is a beautiful place.

Rewards for Everyone!

2010-09-22T16:28:00.006-04:00

Today was a departure. My first real day of having the kids in school. Getting out of bed at 6 am after nearly zero sleep, check. Getting everyone ready for school...check. Waiting in the school parking lot, dreading what kind of hell the day will end as....check. Both kids dropped off before their bell times...check.

Now on to the big hurt. Misty kicked my ass. Not that I'm surprised by that. Truly, I'm not. I know that I'm in horrible shape. She's just proving the point!

Part of the day, spent horizontal (ok curled up in the fetal position). Then off to face the inevitable. The school pickup. If I'm headed to hell it's going to be with a Tim's. So I head off early to pick it up and slurp it scalding hot while I wait for L's class to come out. Oh good...spied through the rear view mirror. He's in a good mood.

I get a far better report today. Things went much better. Pheww...a dim light appears in the tunnel. One down, one to go. We dash off to get the other kidlet. Park the car and slam right into a little mini drama! Oh joy. Heart ripped out of chest, as we get to the gate. E is crying. Poor thing. His beloved Yoshi has gone missing from the pocket of his back pack. OH GOD there is no justice. We scour the back pack..nada. We go into the school. Shoe rack..empty. Classroom locked. Lost and found box not forthcoming. After finding E's teacher she lets us look in the classroom while I get a mini update on his progress, besides the fact that he is dying without his Yoshi, he's doing jut fine in school....we are resolved to search again in the morning.

Just as we are exiting the school an Angel from God taps Ethan on the shoulder and asks if he was the boy who lost a toy. Was it Yoshi? Yes! This boy knows where Yoshi is...he retrieves it. I refrain from picking the boy up and bear hugging him. Instead he's thanked profusely for being kind, thoughtful and honest. The day saved....Mom wants the rest of her Tim's. The Wii is produced to reward both boys for a good school day under their belts.

Mom can sit for a minute and breathe.

Just because...

2010-09-20T20:57:00.003-04:00

Sometimes it's necessary to just be silly. I allow my potatoes to do all the stripping though. No need to blind people or brush up on my stand-up comedy.

It's just been that kind of day. One step ahead and two back. Meh. No big deal. It's not like I won't be laughing about it in five years.

The fun part of the day was an impromptu road trip with a girlfriend to search out organic produce. She had to remind me that I wasn't chained to the house. I was free to roam. Weird stuff, let me tell you! Off I went with a spring in my step and a giggle stifled. The store was good. I'm pleased to have an alternative rather than need to drive into TO every other week now that Farmer's Market season is nearly over.

The antics of my children were good for laughs today. E declared that he had a day that was comme ci comme ça. Coming out of his mouth it was hysterical. Though I wasn't surprised when my youngest passed out on the couch at 6:15 pm behind a book that I assumed he was reading. He must have slept like that for a few good minutes before I clued in that the pages were not turning. He on the other hand had an epic day. Seriously, I'll be laughing about it in five years and plan to torture him about it for decades to come.

He's got a great notion. A good night's sleep is what this gal really needs or she might just post another silly picture or worse dream about stripp'n tatters.

The Land of the Living Dead....

2010-09-19T14:31:00.003-04:00

Oh boy! So hubby told me that today was Walmart's anniversary and I filed it away in the back of my mind under "useless information, I'll never need" and headed out to do my errands so that I'd be free to do my thing later this afternoon.

Of course the parking lot is insanity. I grab my kids and make them swear a blood oath that they will hold my hands tightly in the parking lot. Reminding them that we were at Walmart and that just standing too close to the building sucks IQ points. Terrified they comply with my request and hold on for dear life.

Then once in the automated door we search out a cart. There are no carts. Yep, the collective "head up ass" mind set has captured their employees today and no one is paying much attention. So we wait but the 10 items or less release shoot and beg a cart off of someone not really using theirs. It's really the fastest way of getting one.

Then we quickly check off the shopping list and try to scoot out of there. Of course some of the things I wanted to get were pretty much cleaned out. With Lucas in school this week I wanted to double my supply of those lunch containers with the snap lids..nada. Some nut free crackers would have been nice...nope. After a few minutes of being in the store it dawned on me that nothing was really on sale, retrieving the "It's Walmart's anniversary" tidbit from the recesses of my mind that's why it's so damn busy but what exactly is on sale? Nothing. Nothing that isn't normally marked as such.

We get out of dodge as fast as we can and run to Tim Horton's to inject mom's brain with some java to snap it out of Walmart coma. Wiping drool off my chin and waking up enough to maneuver the car out of the parking spot without hitting someone still dazed from the brain numbing florescent lights.

Itching for a fix...

2010-09-13T15:31:00.005-04:00

OMG I'm dying for a Diet Coke! Farq! Why oh why did I ever give you up? Oh yeah *wince* I wanted to be healthy.

What the hell do they put in Diet Coke anyway? How is it that I find it more addictive and harder to give up then cigarettes? Really after a few months I didn't crave a cigarette the way I'm jittery for a pop. I even stood in front of a display of pop at the grocery store the other day seriously debating purchasing the taboo drink.

I'm dying for something fizzy. It doesn't even have to be sweet. I'd have a beer but I don't want the beer, I want the fizz and of course I still haven't picked up a new case of Perrier yet. I know what you're thinking...why the hell not? Answer: I prefer it in the glass bottles, as opposed to plastic and the grocery store I was last in only had the plastic. Sorry, tree hugger alert. I try not to buy products in plastic if they are available in glass. Does that make me odd? Yep, probably does.

So today was such a pretty day I decided to celebrate it by making a pie. Well really I was supposed to make it yesterday but the tomatoes sucked up my whole day. Once the pie was made I served up lunch to my youngest and decided to take us outside for a little fun. This is my rustic apple-cinnamon pie. Had to debate with the little one that fingers do not belong in the pie especially when it's really hot. He had some near convincing arguments. *snort* It survived untouched.

I've made the homemade pizza sauce (one jar of yesterday's tomatoes) and now I'll get the dough started so that tomorrow I can assemble my version of a pizza pop/pocket. Something different for the kid's lunches. I know the eldest will eat it, as long as, all it has is cheese and pepperoni but these will be only cheese. The rub is that I've already hidden the broccoli, carrots, garlic, green peppers and onions in the sauce. Simmered the sauce while I made dinner and then pureed it while the kids were getting ready for bed. Seasoned it and then stuck it in the fridge. Yep giving my kids one more thing to complain about to Dr. Phil. I've got to get my torturing in now before they are old enough to walk over to McD's with their allowance.

I'm tired and thinking of spending the rest of the night with my knitting and my cup of tea. Yep, another project. An afghan in tan, burgundy and small dabs of green. The yarn is called pheasant. I fell in love with the colours and thought that they'd be perfect either for the living room or the master bedroom.

Yep another project and at least three new ones on the horizon starting in November then a rush to get them done before Christmas, forsaking my quilting and basically everything else. I need a few interventions.

Vegetable Hoarding

2010-09-12T09:19:00.007-04:00

The morning started off with us packing ourselves into the car and doing a mad dash to the dojo. Of course the reason was that we had to make a frantic stop at the superstore to pick up video cassettes.

Yesterday the boys were being tested for new belts. I brought my knitting figuring that it would drag out. We were under the impression that the Juniors would be demonstrating their katas individually and that would take a good deal of time to finish.

Camera set up. Tim Horton's in hand. The show started. Talk about crazy cute. Watching E. and L. put through their paces. Two little shrimps bopping around and making angry fighting noises. L. got bored half way through and started acting up. For nearly half of the exam he curled up on the floor and pretended he was sleeping, ignoring the instructions and the adults trying to get him to fly right. I have to admit I was upset with him. He was doing it for attention and he was receiving it which had him perpetuating it much longer than if they had actually just left him on the floor without acknowledging him.

He did rally in the last 5 mins of the exam and was asked to demonstrate his punches, kicks and blocks. He did after all complete the exam and earn his new belt. Proud as punch to have received it. He is cute to be sure but the special preference makes me uneasy. I'm not entirely sure, if one of the other kids in his group had behaved in that manner that they would have received their belts. At the end of the day what does that really teach him? Hmmm a divided mommy moment. E. on the other hand is beyond super cute and good at Karate. His scores were high and he gives so much energy into doing his thing and makes it look effortless. He is fabulous.

Now with the mommy moments blogged I need to tell the courageous tale of the farmer's market. I found out that my favourite organic food delivery company seems to have gone out-of-business over the summer. This really is not too surprising. It's a harsh climate out there even if the media paints a different picture. So with the money that I had set aside for my delivery we took off to the farmer's market to try to replicate the order.

There is an organic stall at the North Oshawa Market and I took full advantage of that. You can see that I made good time with my produce budget for the week. Once home with the bounty I wandered out to the garden to see if there was anything ready to add to what I had purchased. Oh for sure! I pulled up at least 8lbs of carrots. Some tiny but some were much larger than I had given them credit. I'm so happy that I decided to wait and see what came of them. I was also able to add to the beans by two cups.

So I spent nearly four hours cleaning, peeling, and chopping and blanching then packaging up and bagging. At the half way point I asked hubby to help me out. It was really nice to share my usually barred off kitchen with him. He was a lot of help. I'm not sure I would have gotten it all done if it hadn't been for his helping me.

I got the beans, broccoli and corn-on-the cob done then got help to put up the rest of the carrots. The carrots are so good. I munched on a few as we worked and of course L. came in and got his hollow leg fill. I'm amazed at that boy. Peel it and he will appear!

Now today I'll be making hubby and L. (E. doesn't seem to be a fan) an apple pie and then I'll dig into the bushel of tomatoes and get as many jars up as I can. I figured that doing at least half of them as whole or diced would have me whizzing through them much quicker than if I attempted to make them all into sauce.

Well I need to wrap this blog up and get to work...first Tylenol. My hands are still aching from yesterday's veggie frenzy.

Over...Yay!

2010-09-10T08:54:00.004-04:00

Gnarly week, for sure! So as I mentioned before I started my son back in school. After nearly a year of homeschooling he donned his backpack and headed off. He seems delighted with it. Mom on the other hand is trying to hold back on her worries.

I mentioned just this morning in an email to some girlfriends that if I can make it to Christmas Break before hearing that there is a problem I might be able to let my shoulders down from about my ears.

It's also been a fun week listening to the younger one complain that he wants to go to school and how it's so unfair that he doesn't get to go. Now that's not true. Not at all, and I'd ship him off right this second to stop the whining except his grade does this silly gradual entry thing. Now I know perfectly well that there are children that really need this but mine are the jump in with both feet kind. It just feels like I'm having my teeth drilled without the happy gas.

The adjustment from going to bed near midnight then sleeping until 8 am to going to bed at 10:30-11 and waking up at 6 am has been brutal. I've walked around all week like zombie mom. If I wander off and die, they'll have to identify my body by the coffee cup I've got clenched in my cold lifeless hand! Then I've been busy at work too. Then there is needing the extra brain cells to come up with interesting lunch ideas, making sure the clothes are picked out and the backpack is set to go for the next day. Dentist appointments, karate and karate competitions to get ready for. The emptying of my wallet for this and that. Homeschooling.....way cheaper *snort* Oh and in the back of my head I'm mewing over the fact that I can't seem to find the perfect container for milk.

I'm hoping that I can get all my phone calls made early. Get something edited and sent on it's way then I'm taking my crazy kidlet to the market for corn (even though I've got an organic produce delivery coming tonight) and then to the library. Maybe I'll treat us to some lunch out today.

zzzzzzz *snerrtt* what, what? Did I nod off?

First Day of School....again

2010-09-07T08:39:00.003-04:00

Up early very early. 6 am. I haven't seen a sun rise in well, probably a year. Of course the kids were already awake. You could just see the nervousness on E's face.

Then I flashed back to some of my first days of school. The sick stomach jitters. The pride of wearing a great new outfit picked out special for the day. That strung out feeling from a sleepless or restless night. The anticipation of meeting up with my old school chums.

What I loved most was the feeling that everything was new and had endless potential. That I could recreate who I was and what I could do and be.

I'm envious of him in that way. I wish I could do it all over again. Of course armed with all the knowledge I have now. Then I could just relax and know that regardless of the bumpy parts, that everything really does shake out. I could enjoy my friends. Study freely without worry and live in the moment. Shame that we can't be given these gifts up front.

We struck out with enough time to take pictures and to amble our way to his new school. Then we stood among the other confused parents and kids until the teachers came out with their class lists. E's teacher is younger than me, thin and blonde. He'll love her. Really, he'll be so smitten that he'll be on his best behaviour. *grin* He's so predictable that way.

After an introduction and a few questions about pick-up arrangements, he lined up with the other confused, nervous boys and started chattering away. I gave him a fast peck and told him we'd be back at the home time bell to get him. He seemed so confident. So at home in his own skin. I felt a tug at my heart. Mom, isn't as necessary as she used to be. It's the natural order of things. I'm immensely proud of him and who he is becoming. I held on to L's hand and we backed off and headed home.

I don't know whether or not this experiment will work. I don't know if this is a good place for him or not but I know more this year and I know that so long as we take care, things will work out, one way or another. I have enough faith for all of us.

Things Have Changed

2010-09-06T10:09:00.003-04:00

I was working on a project last night which lead me to discover that this blog was available by google search. After I had checked my settings to ensure that they had not inadvertently been changed. Nope, they were still the same but there I was and typing in the title of the blog...google and bing searched and open for all the world to see.

Now this blog is not so immensely personal or anything but I do list some details that really shouldn't be out there on the web. I do mention my husband and kid's names and what they are up to. I even mentioned what school they could possibly be attending. Not cool. I will not be doing that in the future (good thing none of my well laid plans came to fruition).

So now to read all my inane ramblings you must be invited. So now we are a merry party of the crazy or bored *giggle* I will be blogging with a conscience in the future but still just as nuts.

Asshats Abound!

2010-09-02T16:59:00.004-04:00

Warning: Vent Imminent

So a few of you know that I decided to put the boys back in school. It's really for them, more so than me even though I will gain some quiet time having them in school. What I don't like is the bureaucratic bullshit that comes with it.

Get this... My boys will be in separate schools with less than 10 minutes between bells. Now that doesn't sound so bad until you actually see the traffic for the kiss n' rides. It's insane and nearly impossible. That means that one of the boys will have to be dropped off impossibly early each day and picked up late each day. Unacceptable, unless I can work something out with the older boy's teacher and the attendance office that they recognize the hellish situation they've created, and allow him to be late every other day without penalty.

It's a logistical nightmare. Though, as I was typing this I came to wonder...since I'll be forced to use the car to get the kids to their schools whether late or not. I might as well make it a real commute. I've left a message for an out of district Catholic school which also provides F.I. to see if I can apply for out-of-area status there. Yeah, completely ridiculous right? Yeah, I can certainly thank some meat-on-a-stick bureaucrat for closing off my option to have both my kids attend the same school in my own neighbourhood. Siblings should always be encouraged to stay together.

So that's the reason why I'm venting off right now. Can't help it faced with the ridiculous. Apparently, two wrongs don't make a right but three rights make a left. *gahhhhh*

The Icecream Cone of Perpetual Sorrow

2010-09-01T19:23:00.003-04:00

Everyone has been talking about this Cold Stone Creamery. Last night Sheree and I were having coffee at Tim's after our run and we couldn't get over how many people in the store were there for the ice cream. Displacing the old cogers that usually take up the bulk of the tables at that hour.

Sheree said that she tried it but the calorie count was insane. We got on to talking about what we love and why we love it. I discovered that I'm an emotional eater a few months ago (most of us are apparently). When not on an emotional binge, thankfully they are few and far in between, I am a chip & diet coke a-holic. These are clearly things I cannot have in the house.

Then I thought about it more. I'm also addicted to cheese. I'm not even going to examine my coffee fetish. I told her the other day that I was jonsing for something fizzy so badly that I had actually considered having a beer after finding the Perrier case empty. Of course I didn't have the beer (it was 1 pm) as it doesn't score Good Mommy points and would actually be a tick in the "perhaps I need a 12 step program" column.

Really at this point I would have to say that my diet coke addiction has been harder to kick then my old cigarette addiction.

Being Held Captive

2010-08-31T10:45:00.008-04:00

Well this is the day. The day when I'm finally held captive because I haven't any clean clothes. Not one stitch which means I spent all day yesterday in workout clothes biding time when I should have been doing my laundry. It's 10:48 am and I'm still in pjs because there is nothing else until I can get my clothes out of the dryer. Stinky part is that husband left some towels in the washer last night so I have to wait until they are dry until I can get my stuff in there.

I don't have time to line dry and forget towels on the line. That just doesn't bode well. I'm almost 85% tree hugger but there is a limit to my self sacrificing. Crunchy rough towels would be up there with one ply toilet paper. No chance. I'll reuse a brown paper bag until it gives at the seams but rubbing off half my skin while trying to dry off it not acceptable.

With my procrastination comes a good serving of guilt. I am a bit of a tree hugger so I feel horrible that I didn't do my laundry on the weekend when I had the green light to use the amount of electricity to get the job done and the time to get it on the line to dry. So today with the temps climbing into the the low 4o's here I am. A/C running though at 78C. The drapes all pulled to try to keep the temp low and the washer and dryer going overtime. Blarg....why now?

Simple, I've got somewhere I have to go this afternoon. Why this afternoon? Because I procrastinated doing this chore all month. Yep, it's time to have my rings cleaned and inspected. It is something that has to be done every six months. I had 31 days. I chose to put it off until day 31. Some what typical for me.

Here's what I did yesterday while being trapped in sweat pants and procrastinating laundry. I got to the other half of the tomatoes. Spent about 1.5 hrs peeling and seeding to get this.

I believe this stock pot holds about 12 or 14 quarts. It took about 30 minutes to cook them down to the point where I could puree them. While I was waiting for that I chopped the vegetables that I was going to add in.

This is what is in the skillet: 2 large onions, 1 large bell pepper, 1lb of carrots, a bulb of garlic and 1.5 cups of celery. Then to that I added basil, salt and oregano.
Once they were sweated down enough into the pureed tomatoes they went. To that I added balsamic vinegar, a little bit of sugar to take the bite off the acid, some course salt and more basil and a good mitt of bay leaves. Gotta love a product where you know exactly what's in it and a 4 year old could read the ingredient list.

I got 10 pints out of this batch. While I waited for the jars to process (15 mins at 11 psi) I cleaned up the mess and did the dishes. Once out of the canner and safely stored on the cupboard I sat down with a cup of tea and put my tired feet up. One-by-one I heard the sweet sound of "pop" "pop" "suck.....pop" The sounds of each jar sealing. I was able to count them as they popped. Irritating part was that I only counted 9 pops. Yep, one jar failed. Once it was cool enough to touch I swapped out the lid and had to process it all over again but in the end I had 10 lovely sealed soldiers.

I made homemade pizza for dinner then once the dishes were out of the way hubby took the boys off to the park and I made a batch of cookies as a treat to the boys who were so good for me while I got all my kitchen work done. They do drive me crazy from time-to-time but they can really rally when I need it the most.

Sigh....towels are still damp. In the time it took me to write this blog I came up with an idea to ease my conscience. I'll just take the outfit I intend to wear and dry that in the dryer. The rest will go on the line. Phewww....one less chink in my chain.

Tomato Fest

2010-08-29T21:16:00.007-04:00

Oh my...um wow. I hurt today. Yesterday I worked out with Misty and her small group training. How embarrassing. I was huffing and puffing through a lot of it. I have zero balance and actually felt a little nauseated after the stairs.

There was no doubt that I'd hurt but wasn't expecting this. I can't do anything without it hurting. So of course that means I've got to have a very active day. I suppose it is better to get up and move about than to sit and let my body seize up more. Off to the gym for a good long swim with the guys. Then several trips down the water slide with the boys. Ouch-a-roo!

Then after we got home and ate lunch I got the bright idea to go in search of produce to put up. Originally, I went in search of corn and beans to put up but I found a fabulous deal on the tomatoes. The next thing I know I'm elbow deep in tomatoes.

The guys vacated the house to give me enough peace and quiet to concentrate and keep from having the boys under my feet. It took 3 hours to peel, seed, boil down and create the sauce and then finally process the jars. The jars came out perfectly. Here's the kicker...I still have half the box of tomatoes left so I have to do the whole thing over tomorrow. I'm fighting the urge to go and get another huge box of tomatoes *snort*

You must be so bored of hearing all my tales of canning. My garden has really revved up my desire to try and save as much of a good thing as possible.

Think of it this way, at least I'm not ranting about my neighbours *giggle*

The Beast!

2010-08-27T07:50:00.012-04:00

So it came, finally! Talk about waiting with baited breath. The doorbell rang while hubby had to kids at the park. I could see the brown truck from the window in the front hall. I got giddy. Opening the door to a huge box. Golly....Christmas Time!

This thing is a monster.

I carved out an hour to read the instructions from front to back (it's steam pressure, you bet I'm reading the directions or you could bet I could get seriously hurt) then I washed it thoroughly and put it together. Tested it with a litre of water and played with the temperature on the stove to maintain a constant pressure. That part wasn't easy.

Then after dinner and all my other chores were done I started in on carving up the pumpkins. That part was time consuming. Got it all cut up and blanched (boiled for 2 mins). Then stuffed it down into the jars.

Here is where I went wrong. I forgot how much pumpkin expands when it's cooking and I put too much into the jars. Once I got the processor all fired up I was able to maintain a constant 11 psi without much trouble. Spent the 90 mins putting away a huge batch of dried herbs (dill and basil). Back sore and feet tired I took the jars out of the processor to realize that water had been forced out of the jars while they were boiling and now there was exposed food in the jars. Not ideal.

So this morning I'll be opening all the jars and bringing the pumpkin back to a boil and seasoning it then portioning it out and freezing it. It will still make great pies but now it's not nearly as convenient since my freezer is very expensive real estate. That ought to be a nice way to spend an hour or two this morning. I just hope that I have enough FoodSaver bags to get the job done without interruption.

I do love my processor, really it's shiny and big, big, big! I look forward to doing many good things. I just need to do some forward thinking the next time I can a solid that isn't completely cooked going into the jar.

I also plan to make an apple pie today after I get the grocery shopping done and some more work for the girls. I can't help it. It must be done.

Oh and I just realized that I've been blogging for a year now. Wow how time flies.

That feeling again

2010-08-25T21:27:00.010-04:00

Oh I am going crazy. Ok so not really, it just sorta feels like I'm doing too much and it's been going on since the beginning of last month. For the last week or two in particular have been brutal.

What do you do when there are too many things to do and not nearly enough time or cash to do it all? Blarg. Yeah, I know.

So enough of that whining. It has been busy. There are things getting done. I'm not spinning my wheels entirely. I got the window done and with hubby's help we got it installed. It looks pretty good eh? Not too shabby for a rush job. I've been waiting for a nice sunny day when I'm actually home to witness the window lite up with sunshine to take the picture but it seems I'm never home to capture it. Of course now that it's hanging there are a few things I would have done differently. I should journal those things so that the next time I do a window I remember those things and avoid them.

The next thing is that I've been working on hubby's scarf in my down time which I don't get much of lately. But this is a fast project because the yarn is so easy to work with. I'm used to super chunky or irregular yarn so this nice thin consistent yarn and pattern is a dream.

I should be done this scarf next week and then I'll start right in on that hat. Then perhaps I'll look for some cute yarn and make a set for each boy. Might as well get them done while I can right?

What has really be taking up a lot of time has been my garden. The produce is starting to really roll in. My bean and cucumber plants are producing again. My pumpkins are all in and I'm just biding my time before I cook them and freeze the puree (can't can puree, it's not safe and I'd rather not have to do it after the fact in order to make pies or muffins/breads...ready to use should be just that). I've got Chard coming up like crazy too. Each morning I go out and collect my tomatoes and it requires me to bring a big bowl with me. I've got a pressure canner being shipped to me but I just couldn't wait. These needed to be used up now before they lost their flavour and we certainly can't have that happen!

Today I rounded up the jars and the ingredients and out came the water canner. Salsa! Ok and a few Coronas while I made it. I was on my feet for 2 hours peeling and seeding these tomatoes and all of it came from the garden.

This batch made 8 pints (4ltrs). I had just enough after I sealed and processed the jars to dip some chips for a sample. Good stuff. Makes a big difference knowing exactly what went into it and how. It could have been a crap recipe and because it was so fresh it still would have turned out fabulously.

I also put up some dilled carrots. I have to wait three weeks for these....It's going to be a very long 3 weeks. The carrots took 10 minutes to prepare and the house smelled incredible.

Once the pressure canner gets here I'll be on the prowl for corn, carrots, tomatoes. I'll be putting up jars of corn nibblets, carrots infused with cinnamon and the mother load of pasta sauce. I'll put up any green beans that come out of the garden. Nice part is that I can do them as very small batches since it will take less effort than the water bath for the pressure canning. I literally have to wait 30-40 minutes for my huge water canner to come to a boil. Of course if I had a gas range I wouldn't have to wait near as long. Stupid stove!!!

Oddly, once I was done and had all the mess put away. I actually got the impulse to make bread. I haven't wanted to make bread since May. It's still too hot outside for that nonsense. Can't wait for September!

Projects Anonymous

2010-08-15T23:03:00.004-04:00

Project overdrive, RED ALERT...whooop whooop whooop *siren sounds*

I'm just about done my latest project. I'll be happy to install the stain glass window this week. I took a little time off to finish the creative part of the doing. It looks pretty good. A little wild but I like it. I definitely reflects my frame of mind lately. I'll post pictures of the installed art piece soon.

I got the itch to return to the craft store and spent a few minutes browsing the yarn. Daydreaming up new projects when I realized that I have not yet finished my other knitted afghans. I put back the 6 skenes of this fabulous Alpacha wool and quickly picked up what I was really there for and got out while the getting was good.

Seems I need to back track and finish up some old projects before I move on to my next bit of whimsy. The list is getting long!

Scarf
Stained Glass panels for the windows flanking the front door
Green knitted afghan needs backing, batten and binding done with a ribbon treatment.
Blue knitted afghan needs to be washed and blocked. Haven't decided if I'll add tassels or not.
A romantic Victorian styled quilt for me
Denim quilts for the boys

But before I can do any of that I need to get this window installed and start in on E. and L.'s Halloween costumes: Yoshi and Toad. I'll be making my own patterns for those. Should be interesting and likely take up the full two months prior to the happy day.

Geshhh...It's no wonder I never have energy for cleaning *snort*

Grrrrr...

2010-08-14T08:53:00.004-04:00

It's the weekend. We originally planned to go camping this weekend but because the forecast was not favourable back on Thursday we decided against going through all the hassle and expense of going just to be rained on.

It seems we are a bit camping cursed. Each year when we pack up the kids and dogs and car and head out it all goes so terribly wrong. If it's not having enough dry clothes to torrential rain and tornadoes then I just don't know what?

So now that we are grounded here for the weekend we'll have to put up with our neighbours. I'm sure they are going to be crawling all over either the front yard or the back yard today. I just hope they don't decide to drink out on their deck tonight or I'll have to lob some flaming bags of Finnigan/Casey poop over the fence.

Hubby got up early and snuck out of the boys house so that I could sleep in. He's really a total sweetie! He's off to Home Depot to get the supplies for the completion of the stain glass window. We are hoping to get it installed tomorrow at the latest. Then I'll get to work on the front door sashing. I just don't like constant reminders that they are there. Though the cloud of cigarette smoke that permanently hangs over my front porch is a constant reminder that they've taken over.

I bet the neighbour that lived next to them across the street is relieved they are gone.

Thursday

2010-08-12T13:58:00.004-04:00

What do you do when you are up all night reading then get up at 9 am? shhhh! that's a secret. When you come downstairs you realize that the coffee maker has shut itself off while you were snoozing and you've got about 5 minutes of warmth left on your vat of coffee? Then you also realize that not only do you have to make breakfast for yourself but for your kids too?

Yep that's right you stick with your vat of coffee and schlep up a breakfast for the boys. Though it was not as hot as usual it was a darn fine cup of coffee.

I managed to get some work done early and before starting in on housework I poured a bowl of Kashi which my son then promptly mooched. Yup, L. Not just happy with his organic corn pops but also a moocher of my Plain Jane Kashi.

Breakfast is hard for me. I'm not usually hungry and even chugging down a smoothie feels like torture. Having something ready-made would seem like a great idea but with the way I am in the morning I bet I'd just ignore it. I will try doing some overnight oats for a while and see if I can break the cycle of eating breakfast at 10 am (even on days when I'm up at 7am).

I was getting so good at breakfast even though I didn't ever want to eat it when I got up. I was making spelt pancakes (personal sized servings) and light fruit and english muffin things. See what happens when you let one thing go....dominoes.

If I fail at breakfast then I fail for the rest of the day. Note to self: Oatmeal is not evil....

Defiant little buggers!

2010-08-11T20:20:00.004-04:00

They are still hanging around. A few of them must have escaped the round up. They sit in the neighbour's yard taunting the near empty house.

I laugh and then shut the drapes. Does that make me a meany *giggle*

Yep, it's history

2010-08-09T21:57:00.004-04:00

So as you know because I blogged about it last month I was less than happy that I was getting new neighbours and not just any neighbours. Yep, the dreaded "I live my entire life in my front yard" neighbours.

It started first thing this morning when they took up their position on the porch next door. Like every other moment of their lives they are on that porch with their dog smoking away. Collecting the chatty neighbours in for a good long conversation.

I can feel my property value shrinking already. Though I was really upset that the previous neighbour was breeding wild cats, I was a bit spoiled with them. I hardly ever saw them and they kept fairly quiet and were as unobtrusive as you'd want a neighbour. I was especially spoiled in that the window that over looks our hallway always had closed drapes.

I have never wanted to put drapes or blinds in that window because it would darken the stairs and landing considerably. I'm a real sucker for as much natural light as I can get. So to help blot out the knowledge that the "new" people are living there I'm installing a stained glass feature. It's a good thing that I can control my passive-aggression or I'd be designing a window with a middle finger giving them a salute.

Maybe I'll get lucky and win the lotto so that I can move very far away. The next house will be set on an acreage with a MOAT!

Because apparently I really do have an issue....

2010-08-07T12:01:00.003-04:00

Diet coke and an enormous appetite are not my only issues as if I need to remind you! *snort* I also swear like a truck driver. Clearly the spring-time swear cleanse has worn off. It's time to step it up again.

I had just finished a 5k run and a vigorous workout with Misty and her small group session and was feeling very depleted by the time I dragged my carcass back home for a jolt of caffeine and a dry tuna pita.

When I got out of the car my neighbour Cherise was there working diligently on reseeding her lawn. Poor thing, they've dumped tons of cash into the appearance of their house and their lawn just doesn't want to co-operate. I should offer them some of my Finnigan poop. Apparently, it does wonders for vegetation! Any way, we got to chatting about the cat colony my other neighbour has bred (and is now moving away this weekend leaving behind these damn cats so that we can clean up her mess!). I am absolutely outraged. I feel horrible for these cats. They've been allowed to multiply and she has made them fairly dependent on her offerings so now these cats though they are completely wild and can't be touched, are not shy enough of humans to stay away from their homes and out of the clutches of the neighbourhood dogs.

Finnigan and Casey played tug-o-war with one back in June and we though they had killed the tiny kitten. Thankfully, they didn't because I would never be able to look at my dogs in the same manner. These cats are too wild to be adopted. What the hell were they thinking by housing them outdoors and feeding them? I've counted at least 8 kittens to a cluster family of 3 females and 2 toms. Insane....any way to make this long story longer, I was sharing my dislike for the situation and couldn't help myself from swearing. The frustration overflowed into nasty bar room language. Not nice. It's not becoming. I've got to do something about it.

Out comes the swear jar! I have to do something about it. It's not right that I will not allow my kids to speak in a certain manner but yet I freely abuse my own rule. I'm not a big fan of hypocrisy and would like to believe that my character is far more upright that what I'm sadly presenting. So a inner self make-over is now over due. Why not? I'm in the process of doing a make-over for the outer self. I'm a total project at this point.

Interesting, you'd think at 40, I would have got my "stuff" together?

The meal plan for the day is:

Breakfast: Oatmeal (consumed 1/4 - 1/2 cup of oats made only with water, salt and a dribble of honey and cinnamon). Strawberry banana protein smoothie (made with 1/2 cup 2% milk and 1/2 cup water.)

Lunch: One large cup of Tim's coffee black with 1 tbsp of my own 5% cream
1 tin of tuna, 1 tbsp of plain low-fat yogurt, 1 tbsp mayo, salt onion and fresh cut chives with a handful of mixed salad greens in a half of a whole wheat pita.
A handful of strawberries.

Snacks: A banana, an apple, plain low-fat yogurt with a tsp of peach jam, kashi bar and liberal helpings of green tea.

Dinner: Mushroom burger on the other half of the whole wheat pita with onions and mustard and a big butt green salad.

Off to throw myself into the shower now. Don't plan to come out until the water runs cold and even then I may need a life preserver.

Justification #102 - It's better than smoking

2010-08-05T20:09:00.003-04:00

One of my old habits has made a cameo appearance, as of late. I don't really know why either? I suppose sure laziness and cheapness. When out at a restaurant do I really want to spend $4 on a tiny bottle of Perrier or $1 for a bottomless diet coke? Why are all the things that are good for you so expensive? It's not right!

A quiet day today. Spent much of it working. Then when the smoke started to curl out of my ears I got up and got us out the door. The plan was to take the kids bowling. The bowling alley was so busy that once I got a good look at the line up pushing us back against the door I turned to the boys and bribed them with an ice cream cone to get them to give up the idea of bowling.

The bribe taken I'm now on the hook to take them bowling tomorrow. I was hoping to get an early morning run in tomorrow because it is supposed to be that beautiful. I'm almost excited about it too.

I took a big step today and registered myself for a half marathon in May 2011. I've got a good long time to train for it so I'm not too concerned about that training causing an injury. I'm really looking forward to training with Sheree again. I think that was part of the funk that I experienced after the injury. The end of my long runs/coffees with Sheree and Misty. I turned to Hubby in the car this evening and told him that I'm crossing the finish line of that race even if it means that Sheree is pushing my wheel chair!